[herethennow]

i should start making more effort coming here... haha.

doing fine. just that i feel embarrassed at the moment - i keep thinking of the previous session i had with T. sure T is nice but we were covering some embarrassing parts of my life that i really didnt want to resurface again. (sometimes i hate her questions too)

other than that.. new school term has started and i finally said byebye to 2 of the core modules that i hated. liking the subjects i picked so far!

on another note, been hosting some japanese students and it's been really really fun. which explains why i've not been so down, i guess . but my brain is tired from translating all the japanese words from english. so not used to speaking japanese anymore.

hoping everyone else is doing fine!

Last night was not such a good night. I said in my last post how I thought yesterday was going to be this good day and everything, and it was for the first part. But then my parents got a few drinks in them and got into it. Lasted pretty much all night. Because of this, my "witchy plans" were cancelled. Between my parents yelling and everything else, I was in way too much of a negative mood to do anything. Also it was cold last night. It snowed a little bit while I was asleep, because I looked out my window this morning and saw a little white dust on the roofs of houses and tops of cars. I ended up dreaming of frozen mud puddles, I guess because I was cold and because my life is mud. :shrug:

[aprillynn197]

Yesterday had a huge fight with bf. Almost ruined halloween for kids but didnt. We still went out with two youngest. My older girls went with friends. Night ended with me crying myself to sleep from the days events though. :-(

[healingme4me]

I brushed back tears, only once so far. Check up with pdoc is this month and see my t on Monday. I'm exhausted from all the shed tears. Every day, for several weeks. Life handed me a major disappointment. My support systems are adequate and kind and compassionate, but when depression lingers, ugh.
An ad helped when i was going through losing my mom and divorce, which were simultaneous. ..thinking on it. At least my dr leaves the choice to me...

Adding: the coercion by the court to drop the restraining order because he was keeping shared legal custody. ..dealing with my ex is depressing in and of itself and brought back the same feeling when the court wouldn't extend the first two. Because he's finished his anger management and because he's still bound to no abuse per order of his probation for the criminal assault case.
It's like, you know, he's still who he is. He's prone to violent outbursts, how can a slap on the wrist with anger management alone help? Where's the domestic violence courses, at least.
I'm really down on society. Granted being slowly relifted because of my support friends irl.

Then there's the whole aspect of just 'meh'....meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh....

Cry Cry cry....

[boomerango]

Thanks for the posts. I'm new to this place. I am trying to get better through sharing. Otherwise, I sit here in neglect of everything beautiful and living. or sleep.

[Rose76]

I'm fairly okay.

[tigerlily84]

Went to work and gave my notice. I've been fantasizing that scenario for years! But I felt a little sad. This was 5 years of my life after all.

A good evening so far - parents are staying away from the hard liquor, drinking beer instead, and getting along. The sun was out, and I opened my blinds to let it in and brighten up the room. Changed bed, clean sheets and pillowcases, very soft and smelling of baby powder. I foresee a good, long sleep tonight, not even yelling to wake me up.
Oh, and did I mention a poem of mine got published in Teen Ink, finally? FIRST PUBLISHED POEM, YAY! :3 I should be getting my free copy of the issue in the mail soon. I am so happy! My goal was to publish one poem before turning 18, and I did it, just 6 days shy of my 18th birthday. Best present ever.

ADD: Maybe I can do the witchy stuff I was planning to do last night, tonight? I'm pretty sure my parents won't be fighting, since they usually don't when drinking only beer; plus, I am feeling really good emotionally. Of course, it's not the same as doing it on Samhain - but why not? I'm in the right kind of mindset for it. I think I will.

In all, I feel pretty blessed this evening.
Very, very, very grateful. :3 :3 :3

[aprillynn197]

glad to hear your in a good way. You deserve it!

Lonely in a room full of people today

[Astridetal]

Today/tomorrow depending on your timezone (November 2) marks the seventh anniversary of my crisis which led to long-term psychiatric hospitalization (sitll inpatient). It causes soem added tension.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Astridetal

Today/tomorrow depending on your timezone (November 2) marks the seventh anniversary of my crisis which led to long-term psychiatric hospitalization (sitll inpatient). It causes soem added tension.

I hope the daylight savings change didn't have anything to do with it, I know it causes me a lot of problems. 7 years, congratulations.

[angelene]

I'm mentally mellow today. Likely because I just listened to music for most of the day. Music helps me a lot.

[TheOriginalMe]

So tired and flat. After a good day yesterday I feel so moody today. It could be hormones I suppose.

[aprillynn197]

Getting ready to go out. Hopefully it goes well.

[seeminglyreal]

I can't stop thinking about everything at the same time my thoughts are just spiraling and spiraling and it feels so overwhelming I can't take it anymore

[Sullen Guy]

I hate feeling like I want to do stuff, that I'm wasting my life away, but I can't think of what i want to do, and I don't know how to do anything.

[Rose76]

I didn't even know the clocks went back last night until I saw this thread.

So it's not even 4:30 a.m. and I'm up already . . . . can't sleep. I guess it's not that big of a deal. Feel kind of sick to my stomach. Not really depressed, but having trouble keeping up with what I have to do.

[seeminglyreal]

I felt like going out today but I have no one to go out with. The local Cinemark is showing classic movies and I was planing on watching Footloose but it all went to **** like everything else in my life. I asked mum to go with me and she said she'd go but she keeps complaining that she's tired and has so much to do and I don't want to make her to something she doesn't want to. Sundays are my only day off and I wanted to enjoy it but now I just want to sleep, forever maybe

Sunday morning. Liquor store here is closed on Sundays...which means my parents won't be drinking tonight. :3 -big sigh of relief- The sun is out again, which really makes me feel good. I think I might start cleaning my room. I made my bed this morning, but it kinda sucks and looks all lopsided 'cause I'm not used to making a bed, I usually just leave it messy. But if my mom could stand to change it for me yesterday, I figure I can stand to make it every morning.

[herethennow]

in a pensive kind of mood. on one hand, i took a step back and looked at my life.. like i landed this part time research job for next year with a reputable government organisation, which i feel truly blessed for.

on another hand, it's the season where people around my age gets married. while i don't have an other half.. i keep thinking of the scenario should someone confess to me. my thoughts goes in the line of "sure he can court me, but there are many warnings before he could date someone like me who has an MI. because he will face many times where he might feel like ill abandon him (sui attempts -> hospitalisation) and the like. not a normal r/s anymore, eh?"

right. haha. other than that, just okay. can't say happy.. because my normal mood is okay. not happy. and i'm fine with that.

[TheOriginalMe]

I'm motivated enough to do the things that will help, like fresh air and exercise, but I'm not really enjoying them and I'm not sure I feel any different for doing them. Still these things don't harm me and they fill in the hours.

[tigersassy]

Feeling like crap still. Depression sucks it out of me. I want to SI. I did on Friday after my brain imploded. I'm broken. I have a disease and its terminal. Bipolar1. It's so hard to deal with this. Depression is making everything worse. I'm pounding my head against a brick wall. Grrrr.....

[Espresso]

I don't know what's wrong with me.

[Shriveled Muse]

I actually feel motivated to practice and study like I should. This suppression technique is really working wonders. I really wonder if all these good things will backfire for me but right now, I'm just riding the wave while it lasts.