Daily Check In — Ups and Downs Thread 12

aprillynn197 · Dec 16, 2014, 08:15 AM

Severely sad today

Rose76 · Dec 16, 2014, 08:38 AM

Sick with a cold. This comes at a bad time.

Dec 16, 2014, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aprillynn197

Severely sad today

Aprillyn, sorry you are feeling that way. You're not alone - - I'm feeling really lousy too. Let's keep hanging in there.

aprillynn197 · Dec 16, 2014, 08:59 AM

Thanks I'll try

Dec 16, 2014, 11:42 AM

Got my period today, bad cramps and ugh I feel nasty. More clouds today. I'm wondering if I'll ever see the sun again. It seems doubtful. Very depressed about the lack of good things in my life, I try to count my blessings and be grateful, but I always seem to come up short of where I wish I were. It's true, I'm doing better than a lot of the world. I have a house to live in (though it's really my parents' house, aka the landlord's house, and kinda run-down). I have some clothes (although they're getting old and holey and I can't buy new ones). I have food to eat (a lot of unhealthy dollar store food because we have no car to get to the better stores, and we always seem to have a near-empty fridge at the end of the month because they reduced our food stamps, so we run out sooner). I don't have any physical deformities or handicaps (although I am fat and ugly, and my body often fails me when I need it to do something - like, say, clean my room without getting too fatigued - even though I'm young.) But, other than these things, I really don't have anything. I have no happiness or social life or friends. I have no love. A lot of times I don't have peace of mind. Sometimes I feel cursed.

Ugh, gross. A spurt of period blood and horrible wrenching cramps.
That's another thing. I only have one pad left, and that has to last the rest of the evening and through the night and tomorrow morning. I am feeling way too bad to walk to the store to pick some up, and Mom won't go for me until tomorrow. And then I have to pay her for it. Does no one do things for others out of kindness anymore? Especially for your own daughter? I would pick them up for her today if our situations were reversed and she needed them. And I would pay for it.

Also, I don't know why hot4collegegirls is following me on Tumblr, as I'm not hot, or a college girl. Oh well. I'm not complaining.

regretful · Dec 16, 2014, 11:43 AM

Seems to me that depression is perhaps one of the most painful afflictions. To make matters worse, anti-depressants seem to do just enough, and that's about it...I've lost my interest in just about everything, gained weight, but hey - I'm not crying all the time...what a miserable disease.

Dec 16, 2014, 11:55 AM

Checking in again today to report that I've taken some action regarding feeling useless as I continue my (very long) job search. A local museum is looking for a volunteer to help with cataloguing collections and doing research of some sort, working with a computer. Office work would be right up my alley. I left a voicemail with the woman in charge and hope to God she will call me back. I can't stand being at home like this with no purpose. It's gone on too long.

Fuzzybear · Dec 16, 2014, 01:26 PM

noise sensitivity . I don't want to freakin eat

Fuzzybear · Dec 16, 2014, 01:27 PM

Never fuzzy stupid bear never never be so stupid as to believe.....

tigersassy · Dec 16, 2014, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Never fuzzy stupid bear never never be so stupid as to believe.....

Hugs fuzzy. You should have belief in at least one thing or one person. I wish I could help you fuzzy.... hugs

Bark · Dec 16, 2014, 05:58 PM

I felt it coming on. Thought maybe it would go away, or I could avoid it. Nope. The thoughts and feelings are back. Maybe I'm returning to a more cyclical mood? Up then normal then down... then repeat the next week. At least I'd have the ups to look forward to.

I really need to try working on sleeping and waking up at the same time... even when it's painful to get out of bed because you feel so disorientated. Like today. Could be because I took my night med late. I should go back to what I did two years ago, and try and take my meds at the same time every day.

Stupid depression. I agree with newgal2's characterization of (bipolar) depression as a part-time job.

Wade_Wilson · Dec 16, 2014, 06:01 PM

Things are bad right now. Very very bad.

TheOriginalMe · Dec 16, 2014, 06:42 PM

I'm stuck in a cycle of creating anniversaries of insignificant but crappy events and hoping that as such an anniversary passes it will mark the start if a new and better era for me. Last week was a year since I had a concussion, so quite a big event in reality, but on the anniversary day my boss was absolutely vile to me, so no it wasn't a new era, just the same old, same old.

Today was a month since my dog stole my dinner, an insignificant event but a disaster at the time. I was pretty miserable for most of the day, my boss gave me tasks to do that he knows will trigger me. I almost had a panic attack because I got pins and needles in my foot and couldn't walk and for a few seconds I thought I was paralysed. I have a cold that is making me dizzy. I'm convinced my chest pains are heart problems. As anniversaries go it was a nightmare, on the plus side I went to a christmas concert that was enjoyable.

I feel so completely stupid getting obsessed by dates and events, it is a pointless way of thinking, I'll keep finding "bad" events, ruminate on them, and look for more bad stuff to "prove" to myself that bad stuff just keeps on happening. Why, why do I do this when I know it is damaging?

Really I should just think, nice concert and well done you, controlling a panic attack isn't easy.

Turtlesoup · Dec 16, 2014, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

Really I should just think, nice concert and well done you, controlling a panic attack isn't easy.

Well done

panic attacks are very difficult to control-it's also great that you got to enjoy a concert. I know it's hard sometimes to focus on the positive things we do.

waterknob1234 · Dec 16, 2014, 08:52 PM

I am thankful that at least I had a quieter more pleasant day at work today, even though we are shorthanded because one worker is out having surgery.

On the bad side my refrigerator/freezer broke. Christmas is a bad time for that to happen. There is never a good time for that to happen. I remember one time our refrigerator died on New Years.

Dec 16, 2014, 09:46 PM

I'm just tired. hugs all, missed quite a bit in a few days. It's raining here, maybe get snow yet..

aprillynn197 · Dec 16, 2014, 10:04 PM

Need sleep

herethennow · Dec 17, 2014, 07:25 AM

saw pdoc today.
hate pdoc hate pdoc hate pdoc

still down.
and i sense a storm coming.
*sigh*

Dec 17, 2014, 09:22 AM

Doing much better today. Started feeling better when I went to an AA meeting yesterday then afterwards had a really fun horseback riding lesson. This morning went jogging with my dog and will be volunteering at an AA office for a few hours today.

Still haven't heard from the museum about volunteering there. Will call again maybe tomorrow if I don't hear today. I think it's really important for me to get out of the house and be around people. Being home alone on the computer really gets me down after a while. A friend of mine suggested turning to a hobby but I can't really think of anything I'm drawn to. The depression has done that to me I think.

Wishing everyone who's struggling with depression today the best day possible.

regretful · Dec 17, 2014, 09:50 AM

It's like I'm stalled...every day. I try to get started, but the stalls just keep happening. Depression really has such a rotten impact on a life...it was good once; hoping that I can get back there...