[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by Little Jay

Down down down. Triggered by someone I know committing suicide yesterday, and I'd been doing so so well lately.

That's so sad. Be easy with yourself while you deal with your loss and reach out if you need it.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

My depression got really out of hand last night and I didn't think I'd make it through, but after a long night of tears I finally slept and woke up feeling a bit more like myself (or the version of myself I enjoy more) so I'm hoping it peaked and will stay away for a while.

[Little Jay]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

That's so sad. Be easy with yourself while you deal with your loss and reach out if you need it.

Thank you tigersassy

[Rose76]

Starting to come out of a tailspin.

Cancelled my ECT this morning because I got basically no sleep last night and wasn't up for the long drive, etc. Hopefully that won't prove to be a big mistake. Made an emergency appointment with my regular pdoc today to see if we can try a different antidepressant. As I've said before, I deserve to feel good. I've suffered with this long enough . . .

[herethennow]

knows that i am a danger to myself at the moment (and escalating) but.

i give up.

[regretful]

Sometimes I think that the worst thing about depression is its lingering presence...even when there is plenty good to think of and dwell on, depression really hampers that...I did see something on television yesterday that talked about forgiving yourself and making peace with your past - I'm working on it...

[Bark]

Originally Posted by herethennow

knows that i am a danger to myself at the moment (and escalating) but.

i give up.

herethennow, I know you don't want to go inpatient now because of submissions, exams.... But they don't matter as much as you and your health. Please go to the ER, and then you can give up for a bit, because you can't hurt yourself (seriously) inpatient. And take some time to breathe. Forget about studying and focus on taking care of yourself.

If they allow you to keep your phone we can chat.

Checking in for the second time today with an update. I had to stop lamictal because of the ECTs (lamictal would prevent me from having a seizure). My pdoc thinks the reason I'm backsliding is because I went off the lamictal. He is increasing my Effexor. Hopefully that'll help. He also doesn't think I should be increasing the length of time between ECTs, as was planned, if I'm feeling worse. Will address this with my ECT pdoc next time I see him.

The other thing I did was go off abilify a couple of weeks ago because we thought it may be contributing to my migraine. Since my migraine stopped before I went off the abilify, I'm restarting the abilify. Hopefully that'll help too. Tackling this bipolar depression has become a part-time job!

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by herethennow

knows that i am a danger to myself at the moment (and escalating) but.

i give up.

When you can't help yourself, it's time to let others help you. Let someone help you. You have a right to help and you deserve help.

[TheOriginalMe]

Still got this lousy cold, I slept 3 hours last night and feel like **** because of that. I'm worrying about an appt tomorrow ans some stuff that my boss has asked me to do and on top of that I'm starting to get anxious that I won't find another job. All I want to do is cry and sleep.

[hope2010]

I am not well, very tired of the constantly trying new medication and dose, like most of us here I have to cope with new medication, and later, very soon realize that is not working for me.

Last Wednesday my Pdoc prescribed Lexapro 5 mg, starting slowly with 1/2 at night for 4 days, and after that 5 mg for another 4 days, and finally reach 10 mg per night.

After 48 hours of taken the half of the 5 mg (Lexapro) my poor mind went totally restless, irritable, racing thoughts, feeling worthless, feeling like manic, horrible and worsen panic attacks, the worse!
My pdoc suggested to add Seroquel 1/2 of 25 mg every 4 hours, and there you go !!!

I sleep all the time, plus even in my dreams I was restless if that makes any senses ...
Every time I was awake, last Friday and Saturday all I can do was sit, and badly walk.
Nothing was right, my mind was so confuse, I am someone that can't tolerated anti depressant.

Anyway, after 3 days of nonsenses and suffering so much I decided to stop the Lexapro. That was yesterday, no one can helped so I wait till today.

Today I called my pdoc, and her Nurse promise to give back to me asap. Nothing happen, no one call me and now the Clinic is close.

I am now for 24 hours with out the 1/2 of 5 mg Lexapro, still dizzy, but less restless, confuse about my future, because there are so many triggers in my life at the time, my significant other still very sick, he needs me, we don't even know if he will be able to stand still for 4 hours when he come back to work after a mayor surgery. This are times to be strong, to keep my faith in a better tomorrow, faith because is more than a hope what I need, I believe that sooner or later a doctor will stabilize me again, I have to believe that will happen, I am not going to give up hope and faith.

[Clara22]

I have fever, 102 F, it seems it is a kidney infection, darn!

[H-H-H-H]

Today, I am coping better. The ups and downs are less volatile or mood altering.

[angelene]

The Geodon is making me drowsy. I know that can happen for awhile in the beginning but I was hoping I'd be spared. So I feel like **** and I'm tired. The Christmas tree has been delayed b/c we can't find the stand and my B-I-L may have to make one for us. I hope it won't take long; the various parts of the tree and decoration boxes look like a metaphor for how things are going.

[angelene]

Originally Posted by Little Jay

Down down down. Triggered by someone I know committing suicide yesterday, and I'd been doing so so well lately.

Unfortunately I've also experienced this and it is tough. Take care of yourself.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Had another ****** night but I smashed down some sleeping pills before it got out of hand and eventually managed to just sadly lay about. Feeling a bit better today but I think it'll return again tonight.

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by regretful

Sometimes I think that the worst thing about depression is its lingering presence...even when there is plenty good to think of and dwell on, depression really hampers that...I did see something on television yesterday that talked about forgiving yourself and making peace with your past - I'm working on it...

I needed to see this today

[tigerlily84]

Had a pretty good weekend. On Saturday I watched my dad get his masters degree. He's 61. I'm incredibly proud of him. I feel like I could do it too. Maybe I will one day.

[lonely-and-sad]

I am severely depressed. I can't get any help.

[hope2010]

Originally Posted by lonely-and-sad

I am severely depressed. I can't get any help.

Can you call someone? You don't have to do this alone. I am here wishing you to make a phone call and ask for help. Believe me you are going to get better, am not in your country but I am sure there have to be an ER you can go and even if you think that you can't go you should go, don't be alone. Better being at the hospital for a while, scroll up and read other post here, from yesterday, you will see that you are not alone. Big Hugs

[lonely-and-sad]

I don't know what to do

[Rose76]

I'm sorry, lonely-and-sad, that you're in that awful place. Sometimes there just doesn't seem to be anyone and we are alone with our distress. But keep checking in with us. And consider going to the hospital to ask for help.

Sometimes doing nothing is okay.

Raining this morning so not sure if I'll be able to get my jog/walk in. Not really looking forward to the day because all I have to do is AA meeting at noon and horseback riding lesson after that. Should probably do a load of laundry. It will be a lot of time spent on the internet feeling unproductive and useless. There are a lot of things I would advise someone in my position to do that I just don't feel I can bring myself to do feeling this way. It really sucks.

[herethennow]

Thanks Bark and Rose.
Still considering on telling pdoc, though. Meeting pdoc this week (I'd rather not go through ER; the charges are higher compared to pdoc :/)

I know I should just go for it, but there's just so much factors that I have to consider.
Well.
Either that or my life, I guess?

Still rock bottom today. Tired of showing the smiling face to my friends. Tired of all this. Tired of hitting rock bottom time and time again.