[aprillynn197]

Just want to find joy in anything and feel good about myself.

faked it today. When I got home I looked at myself in the mirror and the reflection saw a sad tired look. I don't know how to shake it. Anti depressants just make it worse. It doesn't help me that I have this gut feeling of sadness dwelling in my stomach. What's up with that?

[aprillynn197]

Can't hold on much longer.

[TheOriginalMe]

Fatigue is creeping up on me again, always the start of a slippery slope. The tiredness makes me careless, the carelessness causes mistakes, the mistakes cause anxiety, the anxiety causes fear and the fear causes emotional paralysis.

Been feeling depressed a whole lot when I get up in the morning for a while. It's just a horrible feeling. But eating breakfast after getting up helps. I had a minor skin cancer surgery yesterday. It was not bad, but taking care of the treatment for me after the surgery is an inconvenience; and having anxiety with the strange feeling from the surgery area. Fortunately, my best friend came with me to the office yesterday and it helped a lot. Plus I was able to call the dermatologist's office this morning with questions and the nurse was very kind and helpful.

To Tigersassy: My friend that came with me for the surgery yesterday had leukemia about 12 years ago. It was a shock when he got the news because he thought that nothing was wrong. However, he did pull through it OK.

[regretful]

Woke up from a dream that was an amalgam of every job that I've had in my adult life. I was productive, respected, needed and involved...Upon awaking, I realized that it was all just a dream; and now, I'm back in the misery of depression. I haven't had a tearful morning in a while. Today's going to be a rough one...

[Shriveled Muse]

I have no idea when I'm going to crash... Really, it's almost a miracle that I'm still barely functioning throughout the day. But when will that stop? I have no idea when it's coming and I wish I can just stay in bed because of it. Really really don't want to have another meltdown in front of others.

This pain is keeping me from getting anything done, or being comfortable at all. Of course I'm depressed, my place is a disaster. I look after my sons needs, but it is getting difficult.

[boomerango]

A headache casts a large shadow over everything. I want to do so much, and there is so much to do. One step, one moment at a time, in such small steps. It is hard not to call myself a failure.

[angelene]

I keep reading other people's posts and wanting to respond but I can't seem to get encouraging words out.

Yesterday evening my parents drank, but didn't fight at all. Then I was woken up a little after midnight by the sound of them yelling. I can't have anything, can I? If I want a peaceful evening, I have to pay for it with my sleep. I want a peaceful sleep, I have to pay for it with a ****** evening of them fighting. Not even one day of peace and quiet in the week, except for Sunday, and that's only because we're one of the few states left that holds to the law of no alcohol sales on Sundays. Otherwise, that would be a drinking and fighting day too. So of course I am feeling depressed.

I can't live like this anymore...

[lonely-and-sad]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Yesterday evening my parents drank, but didn't fight at all. Then I was woken up a little after midnight by the sound of them yelling. I can't have anything, can I? If I want a peaceful evening, I have to pay for it with my sleep. I want a peaceful sleep, I have to pay for it with a ****** evening of them fighting. Not even one day of peace and quiet in the week, except for Sunday, and that's only because we're one of the few states left that holds to the law of no alcohol sales on Sundays. Otherwise, that would be a drinking and fighting day too. So of course I am feeling depressed.

I can't live like this anymore...

Alcohol and parents fighting. Reminds me of my childhood. Under the influence of alcohol my father was particularly sadistic. His favourite activity was to put me down and he was an absolute master of it. I developed severe social anxiety as a result. It must have played a role in my depression as well.

[TheOriginalMe]

Today I had two minor victories at work. Neither were about my work or ability to do my job, they were about office politics. I hate office politics and the opportunity for a little subversion was too good to miss. I'm not sure where my mood is at, I'm not too anxious so I can cope with the depression a lot better but my feelings and thoughts aren't all that great. I do appreciate being more stable, even if I'm still depressed.

[EsotericNonsense]

Originally Posted by needarealitycheck

This pain is keeping me from getting anything done, or being comfortable at all. Of course I'm depressed, my place is a disaster. I look after my sons needs, but it is getting difficult.

Physical pain really sucks. Sometimes you just have to detract yourself.

[Bark]

Slept almost 14 hours. I felt kind of rested. Now I feel like going back to sleep. So tired....

Moodwise I'm okay, thankfully.

Yesterday evening a deep, deep sadness reached inside of me and twisted my gut. Ever had it where you're already depressed, but then you pile sadness and grief on top of that, and then you get the breath squeezed out of you almost?. Yeah, that's what I had last night.

Thankfully today it's not as bad. Cloudy, kinda rainy, but warmer.

[aprillynn197]

Feel lost

[tigerlily84]

I've been doing well. I seem to be tolerating the med increase. And my new job is great. I like the people. I have even been working overtime, so that's why I haven't posted in a while. Hope everyone is doing well.

[TheOriginalMe]

There just aren't enough hours in the week. I wish I could become a hermit and live a peaceful, minimal life.

[EsotericNonsense]

Originally Posted by Bark

Slept almost 14 hours. I felt kind of rested. Now I feel like going back to sleep. So tired....

Moodwise I'm okay, thankfully.

I sleep a lot when I'm depressed too. Sometimes I wonder if my fatigue is related to a medical problem or just caused by lack of motivation. My guess it is a combination of both.

A typical Saturday for me. Been feeling freaked out at times lately since the minor skin cancer work that was done on Wednesday. The healing is getting better, but still a little bit of a way to go for complete healing. I can't wait! Feeling some restrictions along with some strange feelings.

Despite it all, I'm still able to do the cleaning and shopping that I always do on Saturdays. It was OK doing those things, but nothing exciting came out of it. I got talking to my only friend a couple of times today by phone. We didn't get together because of the both of us being busy. It would have been nice to get together.

I was able to get a one hour bike ride in. Was a nice crisp day to do it. I have to get out early enough in the afternoon now because the sun sets early. I hate riding in the dark.

[waterknob1234]

Wishing I could turn the clock back 20 years and start over with my life from there.

[TheOriginalMe]

Nice weather for a change. I didn't win the lottery so I'll have to face up to work tomorrow

[regretful]

A break from the misery as I watched a 3 hour movie...but now it's back to the reality that this, unfortunately, has become my life...deep depression.

[regretful]

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

Wishing I could turn the clock back 20 years and start over with my life from there.

I'd settle for 14 months....