[Turtlesoup]

Felt really down like hitting depression down-wrote in my journal for a long time, ate & felt better so. took. a. shower. finally. Feel so much better-hoping for a more even day tomorrow.

It was not a busy day at work today. I have not been on here in a few days. Last Tuesday I worked out for the first time in a few months. It felt weird to get back into it.

I went to the pool area tonight just to relax. I was about to leave, and then a couple came in that I was not crazy about. I got out a little bit sooner than I wanted to. They ruined it for me. The guy I knew very well. He used to come in with his girlfriend that he lived with. And now he came in with a new girlfriend now. His new girlfriend is more unlikeable than his ex girlfriend was. And his ex girlfriend has just ended up with a truck driver. So they split up and get new people just like that! Sometimes I find stuff like that disgusting.

It just seems like those are the only kind of people I meet at my place. I just get so disgusted, I went to leave the place. I've been wanting to for quite some time, but I'm just too darn afraid that I'd be making a mistake. It's to my advantage financially to stay where I am (I guess), but I'm just so miserable living here.

[Hellion]

I'm ok, but this life is meaningless...

[SeekerOfLife]

My payment at the MH agency is likely to change end of January. I am both depressed and anxious. If the fee is too high, I will have to drop down to once a month or stop going.

Am pretty frustrated that I remain in depression despite ECT and therapy. I really think if I found a job that would help immensely. I spend too much time feeling unproductive, bored and lonely.

Thought I would volunteer at the Humane Society until a job comes through so I have a feeling of accomplishment. Made a call and the next orientation isn't until early January.

As Rose wrote above, I feel like I'm just going through the motions of life. Not much makes me feel happy. I have to force myself to do everything. Not really looking forward to Christmas because I will just have to paint on a smile and have to fight through fatigue as evening wears on.

I just deserve more than this. I have suffered for long enough.

[Bark]

I took out the garbage (the big bin is just down the hallway). Maybe I'll manage folding the clothes. I think if I had someone around pushing me I'd've been done by now. When I'm around people my mood lifts a little. Then when I'm alone again....

Hoping tomorrow is a better day. I have hope now. That's an improvement.

[regretful]

Despite probably having new employment starting soon, depression persists...

Feeling small, pathetic, insignificant. I hate myself and my life.

[Fuzzybear]

[favoritefountain2]

I've been working on my creative writing and getting some positive feedback from people. That makes me feel better. It helps me with my feelings and depression, though I don't know why. I prefer being creative to my actual work - but I prefer eating to not eating. My headaches have returned in force. I feel like they're draining my capability to think and function. I feel like I have the worse of everything starting: massive headaches, horrible ADHD, and the edge of a dark depressive spiral. The writing helps, but sometimes I don't know. I want to run away from it all, but I know running won't help.

[angelene]

I'm going to classify my feeling right now as "bummed" since my pdoc had to switch my medicine again. Don't get me wrong, I feel the appointment went well, it's just like, wow, am I going to go through every medication in the book?

[Rose76]

So tired. Feel weak . . . maybe side effect of hire dose antidepressant.

[Bark]

I folded my clothes! And tidied up a bit. My room now looks like normal messy for me. I'm hoping to do the dishes tomorrow. And I brushed and flossed! It's been a while.

Maybe tomorrow I'll even be able to study....

[aka Bean]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Feeling small, pathetic, insignificant. I hate myself and my life.

i know how you feel

[Turtlesoup]

Wild & crazy day for me-lots of stuff that had to be done, anxiety all over the place, still enduring this stormy dark depressing weather, had my best therapy session so far (it was intense though eek) So feeling pretty ok after all this-hopefully I will sleep well tonight.

[Fuzzybear]

Tonight was hell. As every night this week has been. I'm sick of it.

Right now I'd almost trade my soul for some weed, but...I kinda need my soul. Ya know.

Soul problems...

[Bark]

Slept horribly, but I'm feeling good! I washed the dishes, cooked eggs and beans, and actually chatted with people on the floor. I've been half avoiding people and holing myself up in my room. I'm telling myself not to push myself too hard or I'll slip up, and I highly doubt I can finish everything by Tuesday, but no harm in trying to study a bit.

I wish I could sleep a bit — I slept less than usual and it was fitful — but despite feeling tired I'm not sleepy at all.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by Bark

Slept horribly, but I'm feeling good! I washed the dishes, cooked eggs and beans, and actually chatted with people on the floor. I've been half avoiding people and holing myself up in my room. I'm telling myself not to push myself too hard or I'll slip up, and I highly doubt I can finish everything by Tuesday, but no harm in trying to study a bit.

I wish I could sleep a bit — I slept less than usual and it was fitful — but despite feeling tired I'm not sleepy at all.

I am glad!!!

[lonely-and-sad]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Tonight was hell. As every night this week has been. I'm sick of it.

Right now I'd almost trade my soul for some weed, but...I kinda need my soul. Ya know.

Soul problems...

What is weed?

Struggling with mood again today. Just feel very sad. Walked the dogs with my husband, have an online book club meeting in a few minutes, am going ice skating with my husband a little later on. I just wish there were some activities that improved my mood. Very frustrated and feel helpless to change my mood. I forge ahead though and continue to try. Made a list of things I'm grateful for too and am trying to keep in mind that things could always be worse.

Originally Posted by lonely-and-sad

What is weed?

Marijuana.

[Bark]

I feel like I napped more than two and a half hours. Feeling better.

[Toxie55]

I am depressed and anxious , mostly depressed.
I have been in a relationship with a man who I have not heard form in a few months. It caught me off guard, I emailed him asking why he did not want to see me and I have not heard. It is so hard to get thru the day when you really thought there was something good there and he paid so much attention to me
I cry and sleep and don't know. In the past he has been very possessive of me.
I hope I hear from him soon

[lonely-and-sad]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Marijuana.

Its a poor choice of drug for someone that is depressed. Most drugs are but recreational drugs in particular will multiply your suffering.