[Nammu]

It's odd, somehow during my last visit to the mental health system I got jumped up two levels and now rate weekly home visits? Yet before when I was worse off...at least I felt worse off being in a mixed state and suicidal I didn't rate that. I'm not yet stable but I'm much closer than I was, so I'm confused by their system. But I'll take it, I still have no desire to leave home, no desire to do much and could use a push. Getting dressed everyday would be a great improvement, maybe I should just aim for twice a week first?

[seeminglyreal]

Wish I could sleep the sad away...

[eaglegrafix]

I've started to exercise in the morning as soon as I manage to get up. 30 minutes on my stationary bike and I've had two much better days. These days I'm thankful for anything that might work to ease the depression.

I am feeling happy & excited today. I am seeing T in a few hours. I say T, but in my head & heart, I say Dad. I adore my T.

[avlady]

I have to have dental work done and over 5 more appointments to get it all done. That means staying over at my mom and dads house as that it where the office is near. Wish me luck!!!

[winter4me]

Joined the gym...been each of the few days since...feeling unwound in a negative way today, can't seem to stop whining............oh I hate this, and I don't think it was always there, the whiny me---the depression, the anxiety...ptsd sure but this other is really interfering with my function. Hate me today. Hope for better tomorrow.

[herethennow]

wow. i havent been here in the longest while.

been doing ok. but just busy. theres so much things to do and ive signed myself up for a part time job and two volunteer work commitments. and i still have school. :/

ohwell, working myself to oblivion is better than feeling down i guess!

[regretful]

Can't seem to get it going today...feeling a bit down because the medication is resulting in some weight gain that I can see. That's always been the problem with anti-depressants and me...I must be up about 15 pounds already. Hideous disease, this depression...

A very chilly Halloween - cold, cloudy. Mom and I are waiting on the rain to move out so we can walk to the dollar store. A pretty long shopping list awaits - we have to get toilet paper, soap, some food, a new food/water bowl for Chloe kitty, shampoo, and several other things. Mom needs me with her to help carry bags on the walk home. It's only forty-something degrees out - not at all ideal walking weather, but this shopping trip can't really wait another day. As far as emotions go, I'm pretty stable. Feeling good about it being Samhain, as I have some witchy plans tonight.

[seeminglyreal]

I feel like I need to talk to someone about how I feel but I can't because I don't know how I feel, so I just end up rambling and not making any sense. But I guess that's part of how I feel. None of this makes sense. I don't know.

[Bark]

Got discharged from hospital. Feeling pretty good. Stable. Did a little tidying up and some errands; going to sleep in a bit. Tomorrow I'll try doing a bit more.

Inpatient felt like a dream almost... it's like it didn't really happen. The days just seemed to blend together when I was there.

Here's hoping I never end up there again.

[Shriveled Muse]

Those are my exact thoughts. Hoping for the best for you!

Originally Posted by seeminglyreal

I feel like I need to talk to someone about how I feel but I can't because I don't know how I feel, so I just end up rambling and not making any sense. But I guess that's part of how I feel. None of this makes sense. I don't know.

My pelvic area/hips sacroilitic joints hurt real bad. Was up, baked a chocolate marble loaf cake after getting son to school, had to clean up son's mess, more dishes, just walking around a picking up mess before sister got here. Then I'm getting very sore sudden sharp pains after a while. My sister was nice and offered to get me some advil. I liked that she stayed for a while, she was good, and her husband helped me hang up something that needed doing. I'm just so sore, I don't know why this is getting so much worse. It literally feels like things are out of place and falling apart.
My dad kind of ignored an offer he had made to pick up my older boy today, so I don't like that and his brother here is very upset about it.
Also they are all going out tonight and didn't offer us to come along... no matter I'm in no shape to sit anywhere right now.

[Nammu]

I got dressed today. To be fair I thought I needed to move my car cause the people downstairs were moving, but they were using their patio doors on the other side of the lot. The rest of the morning I kept telling myself to go someplace, the clubhouse, the activity center or the mental health place...finally around two I talked myself to going to the activity center getting the schedule and picking up a lunch somewhere.

Its rather nice they have tai chi and yoga twice a week and the yoga is taught by a pain specialist. Plus various excersize groups 5 days a week. Now I've just got to get myself there! It's part of my doctors group and free so no excuses there.....yoga and tai chi start at 12:30 so I can't complained its too early. It's just the act of getting myself there.

[healingme4me]

He couldn't even text a photo. As my employee said, he couldn't even bring the kids to see me, when I was in the hospital.

Oh yes, your honor....people' can change'....

Yes, yes, how dangerous it'd have been.

And yet, I'm seeing myself a bit differently. Am I a part of this city, hmmmhmmm. Am I also part, of that there town, over yonder? Hmmhmmm...I bring a more grown self, back here...

As Johnny Cash sang, 'I walk the line'

[seeminglyreal]

Originally Posted by Shriveled Muse

Those are my exact thoughts. Hoping for the best for you!

Thank you, I appreciate it

[TheOriginalMe]

I had a busy day. It was exceptionally mild for late October and the morning was sunny, it felt more like August. I decided to plant up some bulbs for the spring. While I was doing this, I realised that I expect and fully believe that I'll be around to see them. After so many thoughts of sui, that was a real, unexpected "UP". I'm still low, but I'm at least trying to make plans for the future, even if it is only to have a nice yard next spring.

[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I had a busy day. It was exceptionally mild for late October and the morning was sunny, it felt more like August. I decided to plant up some bulbs for the spring. While I was doing this, I realised that I expect and fully believe that I'll be around to see them. After so many thoughts of sui, that was a real, unexpected "UP". I'm still low, but I'm at least trying to make plans for the future, even if it is only to have a nice yard next spring.

I am happy for you.

[waterknob1234]

I have been on vacation since Wednesday. So for the most part I have been happy, a rare emotion for me. However, my son and his girlfriend are supposed to be joining us tonite. Here is the problem. We are in the Great Smoky Mountains and it is snowing up a storm. We are staying in a cabin on a steep incline and I fear my son will not be able to get up the steep road where we are. I have anxiety about him trying to drive here, but he is determined to come. I want my children to be safe.

[Shriveled Muse]

If I can just stop thinking, then everything will be better. My thoughts won't stop plaguing me, inhibiting my good sense and any productive actions. Please, just stop thinking!!!

[gracebuttercup]

was very depressed and even shaky today. ( okay. I did have coffee). So I went out and ate everything in sight. Calmed me down eventually. But the scale will be a scary sight tomorrow morning. I hope I can feel less depressed tomorrow.

[gracebuttercup]

Originally Posted by Shriveled Muse

If I can just stop thinking, then everything will be better. My thoughts won't stop plaguing me, inhibiting my good sense and any productive actions. Please, just stop thinking!!!

I too am in my head way too much. Someone once told me that when people are not grounded they tend to be in their head. Because they are not grounded into the rest of their body. idk. All I know is that the good stuff lives in my heart. And I am in my head.

[Creamsickle]

Tired and nauseous.

[seeminglyreal]

****ing rude boss almost made me cry. I ****ing hate this job.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Shriveled Muse

If I can just stop thinking, then everything will be better. My thoughts won't stop plaguing me, inhibiting my good sense and any productive actions. Please, just stop thinking!!!

I read compulsively it stops me from thinking by forcing me to pay attention. If I find myself veering of the book I take a deep breath, refocus and try again. Busy work that doesn't engage my mind only makes it worse.