I think I'm losing it

I think I'm really depressed right now. I'm not sure. I have zero interest in anything. I never want to get out of bed and go to work. My wife forces me to shower and I used to love showers. I don't find comfort or interest in anything. I used to love video games especially call of duty. Now I rarely play and when I do I find it very boring.

All I want to do is curl up everyday. And I constantly feel like crying!!! I hate crying. I've cried more the past few months on this roller coaster of feelings than I have in my entire 28yrs. I drive hundreds of miles for work it doesn't bother me but I've noticed driving in the country I constantly wonder if very thing goes to **** where would I bunker down? Sometimes I see things and I'm unsure if I really saw them and I look back and it's gone. I'm constantly tired except when I'm hyper. And when I'm hyper I just wanna go go go.

I just dunno anymore. I think I am losing it.

Hi, sorry you are feeling so horribly depressed. Are you feeling like you are getting good quality sleep? Probably stupid question.. but when I didn't get enough sleep my thinking went haywire and thought I was seeing and hearing things sometimes.
Do you have a psychiatrist and have you told him that you are hyper sometimes and down like this?

I do have a psychiatrist. I tell her she put me on meds. I see her on Tuesday again. I'm getting better sleep now than I have my whole life. (That's not saying much). I wake up multiple times and my wife says I crazy laugh sometimes or I ramble and I move a lot. I feel better than I have and worse at the same time. I feel so spli with everything and it makes me more harsh to myself.

Antidepressants weren't always good for me. I couldn't sleep as well. But I had some psychiatrists say I was bipolar and others say I was just majorly depressed.

I'm sorry you feel so split up. How long have you taken these antidepressants? Please tell your psychiatrist what you are observing with the moving around alot. And not sleeping really great

I've been on lexapro since mid June and Wellbutrin for 2 1/2 weeks. Pdoc put me on Wellbutrin to counter the lethargy from the lexapro. She can't lower lexapro to mg cuz it makes me extremely SUI.

I've til Pdoc I'm getting the best sleep of my life yet I still wake all the time. Even as a child I only slept between 3 and 5 hrs a night. When I got to high school it was even less and then college I went days without sleeping or only sleeping an hr or 2. She mentioned bipolar when I started seeing her but not everything fits. I just really need to know what going on before it drives me to lose my mind. There's always questions and questions but I need answers. There's never any answers only more questions. What am I? Where do u fit? T least somewhere to start other than anxiety and depression cuz obviously knowing that has changed nothing. I take the meds I go to therapy I try to fix it but I feel unfixable.

I can't play this guessing game forever. I keep going to Pdoc every 6 weeks now it's 3 weeks. This is expensive I don't have money to keep doing this. I don't have a disposable income. I just need answers. I feel like I'm not getting better and I'm dragging my wife and her family down with me. I feel like I'm losing everything again and I won't survive that loss this time. I'm just in this perpetual cycle that I can break. I'm depressed all the time except once every now and then I feel great. I like those times where it feels like everything will be ok. Those days I get so much done. I need those days but they are weeks between.

I wish I had answers too. Even having an accurate diagnosis and the answer, oh I have this that makes sense, doesn't mean I have found a solution. I would like to know why and what will fix it.

It is not so much the anxiety, depression, bi polar II that bothers me but how it affects my life and those around me. Just like you said it is affecting you and your family.

Maybe keep playing with the meds until you find a combo that works. That is what I have done along with lots of other things including therapy. the problem is I find one that works like a miracle and over time it quits working. The different treatments often overlap the different labels.

i just don tknow if the meds are making it better or worse. or maybe now im just aware of it all. before 2yrs ago i was oblivious to everything.8 yrs ago even more so and i was extremely reckless did whatever i wanted whenever i wanted with thoughts of guilt or the future. if i wanted to smoke i did, drink grabbed a bottle, do a line or 2 ok.

i thought about nothing that really mattered and just lived in the moment. yeah a lot of bad things happened and i drank away all the bad til it didnt matter anymore. it took me losing everything and everyone to clean up. the sad part is the smoking was the only thing i have found that truly calms me.and that is not an option anymore. the last time i did i lost myself and it was hard coming back from that, so no more.

I got clean and sober 20 years ago from a lot of heavy drinking and drugging. Like with you it worked until it didn't and then made everything worse. My depression got worse after I got sober. Quite a disappointment because I thought I was doing all the right things and now life would be well and wonderful.

The thing is if you are clean and sober and have much more awareness of yourself and are working at it then you are heading in the right direction. What more can we do but to keep trying different things that are healthy.

I know the medication merry go round is not fun.

I have a feeling you've had a traumatic childhood. The not sleeping much as a child makes me wonder. I was also like that.

You haven't been on antidepressants too long, yet long enough to know how they are effecting you. I tried lexapro for a very short time and yes was feeling suicidal too when I stopped. But I found antidepressants interrupted my sleep too much. I'm possibly bipolar too. I'm not trying to be your doctor but I'm thinking that the antidepressants might be speeding up your thoughts, at the same time making you tired.

I'm depressed almost constantly so bipolar doesn't fit me either. I'm sorry I don't have any answers. I'm just thinking that maybe you are on too many antidepressants.. but if the tiredness hasn't gone away I guess that's why she added the wellbutrin...
I sure hope your psychiatrist is a good one and helpful.
My therapist thinks I have borderline personality disorder, don't know why I mention that because I know nothing much about you and that's just me.... just saying in all my years all the labels never really helped. Its a tough life, so much harder with depression, and I'm sorry for how you are feeling and hope you get relief and help soon.

needarealitycheck

i havent stopped taking the anti depressants. i was very SUI at 10mg but pdoc doubled my script until she put me on wellbutrin. then she only lowered it to 15mg since 10 made me SUI. felt lots better yesterday, very hyper.i prefer the constant movement and good feelings yet they never last very long. i felt so good i took my wife to dinner and then we went for gourmet hot chocolate.

i dotn really care what label is put on me as long as it is correct. at least then i can tell myself this is how i am so i know what to pay attention to and when ive gone too far. its just so i can do what i need to do for me so i can function in my world better.

Hi monkeybrains. What are you doing for your depression besides taking meds? - v

Vital
I go to T every other week. It's what I can afford right now. And then all I have I this.

Have you been checked out medically? There are lots of purely medical issues that can cause depression. See my last post on this thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ression-2.html

There are lots of zero cost things that are known to be effective. Exercise, for instance, can be a very powerful help. My favorite zero cost easy thing is this

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- v

I have to find a new dr. I know I should be medically checked out I just have an issue with drs I'm trying to get over.