i don't know what's going on....

i am currently wrapping up my last semester as an undergrad, and it has been one of the worst times of my life. i have no intrest in being here anymore and being in school, but i'm so close to the end, it's like i don't really have a choice. every where i go, i feel like an outsider and i don't fit in, even though i've lived on campus all 4 years. on top of the stresses from school, my gramma finally passed away from her cancer just about a month ago. i am beyond burnt out. it's like one little thing will upset me, and then it snowballs until i'm so upset, i don't know how to calm myself down. only my bf has seen me when i get upset, my roommate, friends, parents, etc have no idea. i hate going to class...just about everything i do i am nervous anxious about. don't get me wrong, i am happy sometimes, but when i get down, it just feels like rock bottom. i have felt like this before, in like high school and middle school...but this semester seems to be the worst...i just wanna feel like a normal person again. i'm so sick and tired of being upset and down in the dumps half the time, and being so nervous about stuff. i just want to enjoy life again. and the ironic part, if you ask me, i'm a psyc major...

WELCOME to the board, Marie...

It could be that you are experiencing grief over the death of your Grandma. Grief comes out in a lot of different ways, and takes as long as it takes.

Also, you are approaching the end of one stage of your life and entering a new one - that has feelings of 'loss' involved with it as well.

I'm glad that you came here to talk about things. Hope you will return and post more!

Regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

Welcome, I agree with Peanut that you are probably experiencing some grief. Could it be that you have some fear about what you will do when you graduate? Do you feel that you don't fit in because of what's going on inside you emotionally? I have felt that feeling of not fitting in, very much so when I was younger. It was usually due to the practice of me comparing my inner vision of myself to my perception of others, what I believed about how they were handling life. I often felt that I was trying to negotiate a journey without a map, and that others had the map and knew exactly where they were going. It's simply not true. We all struggle with life's choices, with feelings of insecurity or grandeur. Maybe you could try to break things down into smaller pieces of the puzzle, try to stay in the now and take life one small step at a time. Congratulations on completing so much of your education, that's quite an accomplishment. I would suggest if things don't improve for you, that you seek some professional help. I've only been on this forum a short time but have seen that there is a wealth of experience and knowledge here about depression and it's treatment. It's a good place to start, and it always helps to know you're not alone!

You are under a lot of stress right now and it is taking its toll. Yes, you are very close to the end of completeing your degree. Is it possible that maybe you are uncertain about the future and/or that you have unresolved feelings about your college experience? Maybe you are feeling disappointed that you didn't get more involved and make more friends, or maybe you are reluctant for it to end but part of you doesn't want to admit that? Losing your grandmother isn't easy either.

No matter what the issues are, you don't have to just sit and take it. If you are struggling with depression, you can get treatment. Why should psych majors be exempt from it? I'm a psych major too (also my last semester), and have struggled with depression for my whole life. My sister is a psychiatrist, and she was treated for depression during her last year of medical school, and continued on antidepressants for a couple of years. It affected a lot of the best known theorists in psychology too, in fact, in some cases their theories are based on their own experience.

Don't let it stop you. Do you have a student counseling center or student health center available? Go talk to someone. What are your plans after you graduate? There are so many things you can do in this field, but with a bachelor's degree it takes some creativity, doesn't it? Are you going to graduate school? I want to, but didn't get in this year.
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<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

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thank you all for your support. it does help knowing that i'm not alone. as for my feelings about college....i wasn't even completely sure i wanted to go in the first place, and now 4 years later, i'm so sick and tired of it all. i hate it...i mean, yeah, classes are interesting, but i just want it to be over, and i know it will be soon, but then there's all the fun stuff i have to do for it to be over. and then there's the stress of if i don't pass something, i won't be able to graduate....i'm not really sure what i want to do when i'm done. i know i want to work with children, but that's as far as i have gotten. once i graduate, i just have to try some things out and see how i like them. and as of right now, i'm not planning on going to grad school for a few reasons. 1-i have no interest and/or desire to go. 2- i don't know what i want to do. 3-no money. i'm not saying i'll never go, but i'm just gonna see where the road takes me. part of me feels like everyone has their entire life planned out, and i'm the only loser who doesn't. but the main reason why i feel so out of place is that i just feel like everyone is staring at me, criticizing me, and my every movement. i know it sounds rediculous, but i'm just so self-conscious of myself. that's also why i haven't gone to see the campus counselor. i'm afraid that he, or anyone else who knows i went, or see's me going there is gonna think that i'm some kind of freak or something. i know...it's stupid, and i would never think that about anyone else....joining this took a lot of guts...i'm just so sick and tired of feeling this way, that i took a risk. 1-no one will ever know who i actually am. 2-from what i read from before i joined, everyone seemed so accepting of everyone and wasn't critical. so thank you everyone. it means a lot to me. :-)

"I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I'll stop missing you." ~Anonymous

Hi Marie: You are by no means alone either in not having your life completely planned out, (I'm 43, and I don't have mine planned yet, either), or in the feelings about others looking at you, etc.

Have you tried running the words 'social anxiety' in yahoo or google; I bet you'll find that you are FAR from being alone with those feeling, either.

Hope you'll post here again, soon, and check out other forums and info. on THIS site, also, re: anxiety.

XOXO, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

yeah i know...i've actually been doing research on social anxiety disorder/social phobia...it's my topic for my abnormal psychology paper, and i finally started writing it last night and somethings started to hit home...

"I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I'll stop missing you." ~Anonymous

marie- i am also a college student (a sophomore) and i completly understand what you are going through. I was so scared on going and seeing the counselor on campus. Everytime i went i made sure that noone was around the door when i went in. I didn't care if it was people i had never seen before. I didn't want other people to know that i was seeing a counselor. I hate my gen ed classes b/c they are so big. so i sit in the back of the room so noone will stare at me. I hate the thought that people are always looking at me. So i sit in the back don't pay any attention and pray that i won't be called upon. Like the others said maybe this stuff has been brought on by the death of your grandmother. I don't like other people to see me get upset emotionally either.
You can get through this there is the light at the end of the tunnel and everyone here is ready to support and help you in anyway that they can. This really is a great place I have found much comfort here being able to talk with people who really understand what is going on with me and not like my friends who sit there and nod their heads!! I hope to see more posts from you and be able to get to know you better.

yes graduating is a very stressful time... and you are experiencing feelings that all of us who have gone through this have experienced. Perhaps part of it all also is that now that you are finishing, you are supposed to "know" something? Maybe you are unsure of what you have learned... and feeling somewhat like a pretender or a fraud? Those would be common fears also.

Hang tough sweetie, don't give in now, the hard part is over and you just have to continue the work ethics you have learned and applied to this point. You DO know so much more than you did 4 years ago...

try and find your counselor who can dispel some of your failing fears..certainly she/he knows just what you are going through and can direct you? (or a fav prof or someone like that)

Please realize that all of your life experiences add to who you are. You are not expected to know everything just because you graduate... but you have an excellent foundation for putting together the rest of your life after college. Try to kick back some and enjoy it, there will be some grief (trust me) once it's over.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>