I'm going to take it easy today

Well, just about to head out jogging with my dog. Other than that, my husband wants us to tackle taking down the Xmas tree. The other Xmas stuff around the house will be my responsibility to put away. I won't mind doing the tree stuff with him but am sort of dreading doing the rest of the stuff by myself, which will happen tomorrow.

Yesterday afternoon and last night I was in a fantastic mood. The holiday gathering with my brother and his family that we hosted went off with out a hitch. We all had a really good time. I think I felt good about pulling off the party, plus it was really comforting to be with my brother and his family. The fact that taking charge of the party and having it turn out so well made me feel so good leads me to believe that once I'm volunteering - - and especially once I'm working - - my mood will improve. Maybe my "mild" depression will even go away.

Sometimes I get so insecure, and have to ask myself...do I have real depression? Am I truly depressed? Or am I too young/making excuses/looking for pity/just weak? After all, I read so many stories, here and elsewhere, by people who have it so bad they can't even find the strength to get out of bed in the morning. No doubt those people are truly depressed... but what am I then? I get up each morning, and I shower daily. But that's all I do. I never go out. I stay in pajamas all day and spend three-fourths of my time online. I have no purpose or direction. Often I can't motivate myself to even clean my room - how will I ever get a job and learn to live on my own? I think of my future and see nothing but a blank wall. Nothing.

I keep telling myself, you need to just get out of there, and you will feel a lot better. But I think a little deeper into it, and realize - no. I may feel better, but the cloud will still be hanging over my head and waiting to rain on me. And it will rain, eventually. And no, it will not help the flowers grow, and no, it won't be followed by sunshine. There will always be clouds, even in the absence of rain.

Sometimes I wonder what's the point. I feel so bleak and hopeless.

What am I, if not depressed?

ShyPoetGirl, what do you mean when you say if you get out there a cloud will still be hanging over your head? Do you mean that you don't think becoming more active will make you feel better?

[tz90]

Took a train back to my apartment from my parents house today. I feel like I've become a burden to them, because I can't get anything done and am just not functioning. They are actually convinced that I would be able to magically invent something to solve all our problems. Wtf, I can barely even think straight, I'm broken inside. They have all these hopes and I see them getting hurt when I tell them how things truly are.

Originally Posted by newgal2

ShyPoetGirl, what do you mean when you say if you get out there a cloud will still be hanging over your head? Do you mean that you don't think becoming more active will make you feel better?

Well, I think it's more that being active would make me feel a tiny bit better but that it wouldn't make much of a difference, because I'm always going to have this depression. It's like, why try, if this is only going to do so much.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Well, I think it's more that being active would make me feel a tiny bit better but that it wouldn't make much of a difference, because I'm always going to have this depression. It's like, why try, if this is only going to do so much.

That is exactly how depression works for me. But what depression says is not true. Depression loves the statu quo and does not want anything to be changed. It is tricky

[SeekerOfLife]

Today, I am kind of thinking, I accept that I am depressed. I am still going to do my stuff. Depression may follow me around. I need to be determined that it wont keep me from living my life. Yeah. That is the idea.

[Bark]

Well my New Years' resolution lasted about a day. Kind of glad I'm not with my sibling now. Drives me right up the wall... wakes me up, asks me incessant questions, has to constantly touch me... and there's more.

I was really looking forward to something today, and we were so close... but it's pointless to argue. I'll keep it in. So I'm feeling a bit down tonight. Trying to take care of myself.

[Turtlesoup]

Mood is all over the place today-very tiring. Didn't sleep well (nightmares bleh) & I can't focus on much of anything. Think I'll take a hot shower & see where the rest of the day leads.

[hope2010]

Have been a long journey, finally the Holidays are over, and I am up and down, with depression, anxiety every single morning, nightmares, shaking out fear from the infamous panic attacks, and is that is not enough now I have to go next Wednesday for a intense checkup for the pain that I have in my breast cancer surgery side. I am cancer free, or in remission but still, I am so so worry, my Oncologist want to prevent any possible new tumor, he says is likely that all is fine, don't worry he says, but I am so worry that I have to increase by my Pdoc my meds.

Anyway, right now, in this moment I can write to all of you that always have been here for me, because I am not in a lot of pain at the time, later I don't know.

Clara 22 you are so right, I like your new signature picture and I quote you:

That is exactly how depression works for me. But what depression says is not true. Depression loves the statu quo and does not want anything to be changed. It is tricky

by Clara 22

Thank you !!!!

[TheOriginalMe]

I finally got my job application submitted, I should hear within three to four weeks. I just want some stability and having to apply for jobs isn't part of that picture. I do feel a sense of achievement having done the application but I also feel stupid and dumb for finding it so hard.

I have been on a real downer this past few weeks, I think maybe that is begining to lift a little, but as always any change is fragile and I feel far more vulnerable when my mood stabilises than I do when I am on a downer.

[boomerango]

I am guessing that some of you will know how absurdly proud I am that I cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms really well. For about 5 minutes, you could eat off the floors. usually, I am barely able to do the bare minimum for clean. It's been many months since I could do even a little more.

[mulan]

I don't know if I need this forum. Probably I don't.
It is not because I am better. I feel the same since some months ago. Which isn't feeling good, it's just coping.
This type of sharing makes me feel exposed, and I don't like to not know how are the people on the other side, if they are people I would trust.
By accident I found this page again and I came here to check, but I think that's all.

I feel so alone.

[herethennow]

is hospitalised.

and i truly regret saying ok.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by herethennow

is hospitalised.

and i truly regret saying ok.

I am thinking of you. I am hospitalized, as well.

I am in a snarly mood today so far. I think it's mainly because my legs are incredibly sore from jogging yesterday, I'm feeling tired because of it, and I am very frustrated that I can't jog without being so sore. Also a little worried that, because of the soreness, I won't be able to work my way up to 3.5 miles straight, which is the length of the leg I committed to doing in the relay race coming up at the end of April.

I am also feeling embarrassed about having to call my riding instructor and cancel my lesson for this week due to finances. Actually, I need to tell her that I have to take an indefinite break. I guess I'm just embarrassed about my unemployment.

[kultking]

I'm incredibly down today...I'm back at work, with a new work schedule that lets me have Fridays off until winter is over...I should be happy about this because it gives me an extra day to spend with my husband since he's off Fridays too but I'm still very depressed today

[regretful]

Hovering between wellness and depression is a tough place to be. I think I'm doing okay, but then my thoughts tell me I'm not.

Weird.

I had a dream that I already had my own place (and it was a really nice place), but I didn't yet have a job. And so I was all panicked about finding one.

If only I had a place by now. If only finding a job was the bulk of my worries.

Of course, I'm very depressed...

feeling rather off today.

i blame myself... yesterday i watched something i really shouldn't have (but didn't know it was actually bad for me) until it was too late and the damage had been done

[Toxie55]

Originally Posted by Bark

If the number 13 prevents anyone from wanting to post, we can skip the number for this round.

Feeling pretty good. A friend did me a huge favour, which helped my anxiety immensely, and someone I know gave me hope that I'll get better. And my lost keys were found!

I'm thankful. So very thankful.

I am happy that you feel a little Better!

[Toxie55]

I am having rough day.The man I love may have been here but I am not sure-have not heard from him in 4 months,
I did not get a job and was called today and have another interview
today. feeling hopeless.

[tz90]

Couldn't get out of bed in time, but at least I managed to repair brakes and flat tire on my bike in the evening. I'm exhausted now. Haven't had lunch or warm meal and I can't be bothered cooking. Hope to make it to the canteen tomorrow before closing time, or it will be another day of eating fruits and cereal lol.