[jefftele]

i have struggled with depression for 20 years trouble is i also struggle with taking meds can't say any have made me feel well i take them for a while then stop i know the drs would say take them but why when they make me feel awful, i have done therapies of all types and i'm stuck in the dilemma of wanting to get well but at times i feel i've become institutionalised with this illness .i sometimes feel i'm scared of getting well as i'd have to face the world with its stress and discrimination yet i am so frustrated with my life i also live with the fear of relapsing into a severe depression which stops me making changes,some people would say look after yourself and stay as i am with my limitations some would say feel the fear... i'm really stuck with this one any ideas

[Meta]

((((jefftele))))
I think I know what you are talking about. I definitely feel a lot of fear associated with getting well and returning to the "world." It seems like I pulled myself together at least 5 times in the last 20 years although throughout that time, was most of the time suffering with mild depression at best and frequently severe depression. The last time I kept it together for 8 years, if my coping can even be called that. But every time after I seemed to get back to what I would consider a more normal life, sooner or later it would fall apart.
I don't have any great ideas. I guess for me this is what they mean when they say change involves pain, And in my case staying where I am involves pain. Probably right now I am more comfortable or familiar with depression than the unknown and that makes it hard to get well. I guess I want some kind of guarantee that things will be better, or I just cannot go out there again. Okay I think I will stop rambling now.

.

Meta

[Soidhonia]

Hello Jeff.
I am sorry you are feeling so stick at moving on with your life for fear of having to deal with all of the issues that life entails. I really dont feel that you are alone in your feelings, but I do feel that if you get the therapy and treatment you need to feel better and more stable, you can face the issues in life and move forward with your life. Getting comfortable in life and your expectations in life is okay for a while, but you need to have the life you deserve and want to have and not let the same old ways of dealing with issues stop you from progressing in the future. This is why you need to stay in therapy and get the help you need to progress in life and reasonable decision making concepts. Perhaps the reason you dont feel well is because there is a void in your life, not necessarily the meds and therapy.
I have depression as well but i have to take meds, and have therapies that are necessary to make the correct decisions in life. In time it gets easier when someone else who is a professional helps to take part of the burden as well, so it is easier to deal with the tougher and more debilitating or confusing issues. I hope the best for you in your future. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

[ouch]

I know what you mean about being scared of getting well. Meds have been helping me a lot, but a part of me keeps wanting to go off of them -it's the stubborn part of me that wants to surf through life solo, without chemical assistance or a label of being 'mentally ill'... but on the other hand, I am starting to realize what it's like to actually start living again - I barely remember Nov. to Feb. - it's all a haze because I was so down. Meds are keeping me somewhat stable right now, and I too was a bit scared, but it is nice to start feeling better... it is nice to actually start coping better... One tiny step forward is my motto now...

your not alone
im scared too cos i dont know anything but feeling like this...
who would i be if im not depressed???

[(JD)]

((((Hugs all)))) Please know that this is a common phase....

I wanted to say, you will still make the decisions ... from whatever stage of healing you are in...

if the medicine works, let it and don't let the fear take you off of it... you can do this...

things will be different if you can be better... but a good different that you can do! New opportunities...or old ones if you wish... you will be able to make those decisions, you will want to make choices and realize that it's ok to do that and not feel bad...



I hope I'm making myself understood ... it's ok to get better.

[(JD)]

((((Hugs all)))) Please know that this is a common phase....

I wanted to say, you will still make the decisions ... from whatever stage of healing you are in...

if the medicine works, let it and don't let the fear take you off of it... you can do this...

things will be different if you can be better... but a good different that you can do! New opportunities...or old ones if you wish... you will be able to make those decisions, you will want to make choices and realize that it's ok to do that and not feel bad...



I hope I'm making myself understood ... it's ok to get better.

[desperado]

Hi jefftele.

No, you are not alone. I am very afraid of getting better, too. Mostly b/c I know I can relapse so quickly & it is pure hell trying to pull myself back out.............and it looks & feels so hopeless for so, so long.

However: I have struggled now for years & years. I am FINALLY starting to feel somewhat better -- after being on the meds for just over EIGHT weeks.

I know having to take meds is the pits. Meds, imho, are not the be all & the end all; rather, they are just part of the puzzle. They can help to bring you up to a level so that you are capable of helping yourself & functioning better.

I find that several other things help me, which may help you, too:

1. My friends

2. Exercise

3. Therapy (finding the right T is crucial, though)

4. Trying to get outside -- I know you probably don't feel like this, though

5. Talking to others w/ similar issues here

6. Journaling (sometimes)

7. Trying to carefully monitor my stress levels

8. Trying to figure out my triggers and/or things/ppl that potentially contribute to my depression

Um, that's all I can think of, now. Good luck.

Des