still lost not coping

(for those of u that dont know i am a psych nurse and work casual shifts throughout private and public health services)

i was working at an adult inpatient unit and i was sitting on the couch just talkin and reading and whatever with some of the clients and i just felt that i should have been patient too that i cant do this job anymore that im not being there fully for them to help em out and that i felt rude not that i think i was i got no complaints in fact more talked to me than to any other nurse and thats prob like every other place ive worked at i think they sense im coo coo

this is not new i have felt this for ages i just need to write it cos when i tell other people they tell me bland nice nice things and thats not what i want wait i dont even know what i want

do i want to quit my job?
hang on with depression we get told never to make major decision when unwell

omg when do i get to chose what i want ive been freaking depressed for over 10yrs

i hate this life
i really do

Maybe more talk with you because you sit with them, on their level, making yourself approachable? I always tried to do that and appreciate others who do. I think it's wonderful that you "sat".

Please forgive me for not knowing, but are you in treatment for your depression?

I hope you can feel better, but understand it's rough.

KD

yes i am i see doc and T
i refuse to take any more meds
i know i should know and do better considering i work in mental health but i cant
its too much effort to move let alone take some medication that doesnt really help

its not that i think im a bad nurse i just dont think im as good as i want to or perhaps use to be
and i dont no whether i should keep doing it
cos its hard especially when something from someone elses story triggers u in the middle of work and u have to sit there pretending ur ok and all u wanna do is run or just fade away

Hey MFA, as far as triggers, i dont know what you can take and cant take and i dont really have any advice about how to lessen its impact, i still dont know myself.....As far as to wether you are a good nurse and no nice nices coming from me( i think you know that)......they are responding to your compassion and concern. You know whats its like, you dont feel uncomfortable with them, you understand, people sense that. Many psychologists and psychatrists and therapists enter the field in part because they have problems that they need to work out. I have the feeling that the opposite is true and that you are a very good nurse. When i was working, and had a life, during scenes of devastation, people, victims tended to talk to me about what to do, even if i was with 6 other people . I dont know how but subconsciously they pick up signals that you are approachable, and maybe understand something of devastation.

I think working in a hospital is pretty stressful. For those of us who are givers its easy to burnout. Those on Psych wards really burn out. Time to give to yourself right now.

(((((((((( bronee )))))))))))

Sounds like you could do with a break from work, if you are working in mental health and caring you really need to do good self-care.

Take time out for you, do something different, go for a walk, something that will give your mind a rest from your own worries and other peoples stress aswell.

Brons,

I feel for you, I really do.

I have to tell you that you have a lot inside you since you are working despite being very depressed. So, good on you, as they say in Oz.

You can only do & give your best -- which I am sure you are doing. Working through your depression is a full-time job, imho, and having a professional job on top of that is incredible.

Try to cut yourself some slack. You're helping people; you are making a big difference in so many ppls' lives. Try to think of it that way.

Also: physician, heal thyself first.

I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but I've struggled big time w/ depression for > 24 yrs now................and heck, if I can make it through, ANYONE can.............and that's including you, my friend. Keep on trucking.............you CAN do it.

Love,

Des

(((((((((((((((((BRONEE)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hang in there!

<3,
MamazAngel

(((((((((((((Bronee))))))))))))

It must be hard to be in constant interaction with people who are there for support when you yourself are dealing with your own issues. I do think though, that when people trust someone enough to talk to them, it is because they can see the good qualities in them. They can see that they are understanding, and will listen to you ... i find that nurses, or therapists/counsellors who have experience in what people are talking to them about is beneficial to them ... it lets them know that its okay for them to feel how they are, and makes them feel less judged. I know this from personal experience - on both ends. When i needed someone to talk to i felt more comfortable talking to someone who empathized with what i was saying, and when i was the person people can to, i felt i was better able to help them because it is something that i've experienced in one form or another. The only problem with this for you is that it can be REALLY draining. So when it comes down to it, it is your choice whether or not you want to stay on ... either way, its just important that you take care of yourself before you try and give too much of yourself to others. Have you talked with your T about how your feeling about this?

I know this must be a hard decision for you ... but i know that you can do it.

Hugs
Jacq

Maybe you should take a sick leave - I did and it really helped. Not that I'm 100% better, but my work was really being compromised. Just a thought...

thank you all for ur words of encouragement

i wish i had sick leave

i work casually

i try and work the least amount as days as possible

somehow money is major stress at the moment
and i dont know what is going on

im over it
and i gotta go to work again today