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#1
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![]() angelene, Anonymous445852, avlady, Bark, boomerango, butterflypower, Clara22, color14u, copingwithlife, dandylin, eggplantlife, Factory Poet, floridaman38, hope7, Marla500, Nammu, Ned Pepper, nushi, SadBrunette, shadow97, TheOriginalMe
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![]() angelene, aprillynn197, Bark, boomerango, butterflypower, Clara22, copingwithlife, healingme4me, herethennow, hope7, Marla500, Nammu, SadBrunette, Takeshi, tigerlily84, Turtlesoup
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#2
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Doing ok. Looking into getting internet at home. Not sure if I want to or if I'm ok with just using my phone all the time. I wonder if I haven't numbed myself a little bit. I didn't want to get up this morning. I met with a dietician tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that. Therapy on Wednesday. I just want to be fixed and done with these issues thanks to PTSD.
Positive note I'm able to calm my anxiety some of the time with skills learned in therapy.
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin ![]() |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, avlady, Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe
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![]() artichack, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, nushi, Turtlesoup
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#3
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Had ECT this morning and am hopeful that it will improve my mood. The plan is to have it once a week until I'm back on solid ground. I'm so grateful for my husband who gets up at 4:30 with me to be at the hospital by 6 a.m. for the treatment. He's suck a trooper. His support of me is unwavering, and I consider myself blessed because of it.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, artichack, avlady, Bark, Clara22, color14u, Hope4Hope, Nammu, nushi, regretful, TheOriginalMe
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![]() angelene, artichack, Bark, Clara22, color14u, herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#4
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Feeling a little sad, trying to remember good things more than bad.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37781, Anonymous37914, artichack, avlady, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#5
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not really had the best day today
will be glad when it is all over |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, avlady, Bark, Clara22, color14u, copingwithlife, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#6
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Been away for a bit due to a return to employment, which is, thus far, unsatisfying to say the least. Depression is in check, but I may not be able to hold on to this too much longer. The job could be good, but so far all that I'm doing is sitting around doing nothing. I wish all of you well in your continued struggle with this horrible illness.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, avlady, Bark, Clara22, color14u, copingwithlife, dandylin, Gabbyr1987, Nammu, Turtlesoup
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![]() angelene, color14u, dandylin
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#7
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Havent exercised regularly in over 3 months. Looking flabby and fatter all the time. Skin looks like crap. My productivity is in the ditch. All I want to do is stay in a warm bed. I hate myself and am disgusted with almost everyone else. Not sure what I'm good for. I try so hard and all I do is eff up.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, avlady, Bark, BluGangsta, boomerango, Clara22, copingwithlife, dandylin, Gabbyr1987, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#8
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Big hugs to all here especially those having a difficult time
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__________________
"This is just a moment in time. Step aside and let it happen."-Inara from Firefly ![]() Bipolar Disorder Depression Generalized Anxiety Disorder OCD PTSD Insomnia Chronic Pain Prozac 30mg daily Buspar 10mg three times daily Propranolol 10mg three times daily Currently titrating up Lamictal daily Ambien 5mg prn Trazodone 50mg prn |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, avlady, Bark, Clara22, color14u, TheOriginalMe
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![]() angelene, Bark, Clara22, color14u, dandylin, herethennow, Nammu
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#9
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Stupid me got too busy to make appt with GP. Anti-histamines aren't lessening the itching and I've trawled the internet looking for advice and have convinced myself I have every single condition I've read about. I'm totally paranoid about bed bugs now and am sure if I lift the matress they will be there waving their six legs at me and laughing. Probably if I stopped worring about the itching it would go away.
Still itching and the internet have given me very little time to wallow in my depression today. |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, avlady, Bark, Clara22, color14u, Nammu, Turtlesoup
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#10
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Its been a bad day really. Son isn't listening and screaming like a two year old when asked to do anything. I bought some nice stuff to snack on and he got into all of it. I've lost my appetite again. I'm also done being a fool for someone that doesn't show he cares in any way whatsoever. I texted and wished him well but that I'm not playing a fool anymore. Earlier he said he'd call and of course he didn't. I don't know why I do this to myself, I don't know if this is just me wanting to be with another person that treats me like crap.. it wasn't crap like the ex, but being ignored for weeks and not saying much nice to me is about just as good. Maybe I'm never going to have a relationship again. It is time to accept that. I must be borderline personality, because I always get attached to anyone that shows me some attention. But I do think I'm kind, thoughtful etc. so I just don't understand what I do wrong, or that is so bad. I mean, I guess the more I try the more I look too desperate..... sorry to ramble on here, people can ignore me, I just need to type out my thoughts because they are overwhelming me. I took more diazepam and I really want to be off these meds. All they do is make me more depressed. But my heart is always racing with anxiety when I lower it to almost nothing. This guy said all the time that I need a full time job. Gee thanks man, I have lots to do everyday and I know I need work but it isn't that simple to just get a job. Sister is smart, and she said if I do that, I'll lose my drug benefits, dental etc., and I don't need that. I hate feeling like people look down on me for not working enough.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37781, Anonymous37914, avlady, Bark, Clara22, color14u, dandylin, eggplantlife, Fizzyo, Rose76, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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![]() hope2010
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#11
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My roommate is babysitting and this kid is so annoying. I've had a tough day and I just want to cry, but she keeps coming in my room, so I can't be alone.
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Diagnosed with EDNOS and major depressive disorder |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, color14u, TheOriginalMe
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#12
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T appt today. I got a ton of stuff off my chest and am feeling a bit better. I can tell that she is not quite so worried about me as she used to be and that felt good.
__________________
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
![]() TheOriginalMe
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![]() angelene, Bark, color14u, Nammu, Turtlesoup
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#13
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I couldn't sleep last night. I seem to have an extreme sensitivity to humididy. Everytime the humidity goes above 70% and the temp is around 40's to 60's( where you need no AC or heater) I can't breath. I finally turned the AC on around 3am and fell asleep. No sun today so I didn't wake up till 11:30am I felt the day was lost and stayed in bed till the 5pm news was on. Of course by the time I woke up the cold front had moved in and the outside temp was in the 30's, having the AC on was ridiculous.
![]() ![]() I also had the weirdest dream ever. Can't remember the beginning so well but for some reason I checked into a motel( not hotel, a broken down motel like in the noir movies) with my pet worms( I know, right) then an ex friend of mine checked in with her hubby, when the motel became I fancy over priced hotel. She got me to believe in her again as a friend, then I was leaving but got entangled in her hubby's plans to leave her which resulted in her stealing my worms, hiding them in pretty boxes with ribbons on them. Somehow the police were called because she made a huge drunken scene in the motel lobby/gift room where a waitress looked around and found a picture on the wall from 20 years ago where she was passed out drunk. Looked at me and I nodded slowly and everybody relized it wasn't me but her that was the problem. So then the cops let me into her room where my worms were all dying except for two that I was trying to save when I woke up. How's that for a dream? ![]()
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann Last edited by Nammu; Feb 16, 2015 at 10:26 PM. |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, dandylin, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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![]() color14u, dandylin
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#14
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Real down today. I felt good for second when i started eating again. Ate a full meal instead of juicing. Sad to be not losing weight like i did before, but must eat. Really really down now again. Still not doing much with life. Life with ex was better but then not really. I wish i can go back in time but can't. I miss my dog so much today. I feel very helpless that i can't see her. She is going to be 10 this year. I have not seen her in 3 years because of my poverty. Today, i said i won't need psychiatrist that i was on waiting list, but i am not sure if i made the right decision. I know i don't need the pills so must have made the right decision.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, color14u, dandylin, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#15
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I guess I feel okay today, but for some reason I'm totally turned off by the thought of jogging, which hasn't happened to me since I started. I used to be enthusiastic about it. For some reason, not today though. I guess it's okay if I'm having an off day. I just hope it's not a trend.
Other than that, volunteering at the museum today and taking care of my sick husband. |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, dandylin, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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![]() color14u
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#16
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I really wish the weather would warm up already. I want to be able to go out there and not totally freeze within minutes. I'd like to go for a walk, but the heavy boots I have are now too big and I fell with them once already.
Even though I was too tough on my son last night, he listened to me better... I hate being tough with him, but I told myself I have to be, his dad isn't here so who is going to be the one to toughen him up? I can't baby him anymore. I would like a night of some nice or even weird dreams. Instead my head goes round in circles. Still I'm grateful to have another day, hopefully be productive. I had an idea, to do more hair styling part time, sister doesn't think its a good idea.. I think she just wants to see me stuck in a rut. I know that sounds bad, but I'm basing it on everything she has said and done to interfere in my life. I'm tired of being judged for receiving assistance for depression and mental illness. It's only been a few years, but still. I'm guessing 99 percent of people don't understand that, and sometimes I wish I had a more physically disabled body, then I'd get some understanding. Started my anti d again, because I figure being numb is better than nothing. I have no man to be feeling anything for, so go for the numbness. It does make me feel tired and unmotivated though. I'm sick of changing my mind about medication all the time. More than 25 years, med, no med, med, no med... gee make up my mind already |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, eggplantlife, Nammu, seeminglyreal, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#17
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I feel alone in the deepest sense of the word. It goes way beyond physical loneliness. I feel like I was born with a piece missing or a piece too much. I don't click with anyone and nobody understands me. No one even tries to. There is so much under this exterior that no one bothers to try and figure out.
I feel hopeless. There is no way out. |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, Bark, color14u, eggplantlife, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#18
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I'm starting to feel numb. I don't know if that is good or bad. I'm thinking bad because when I felt depressed, I was feeling something.
The speed of light is not the fastest way to travel. When the light arrives it finds the darkness is there already.
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Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. no matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness got there first, and is waiting for it - Terry Pratchett |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, Bark, eggplantlife, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#19
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Friday I started to feel crappy but it got a bit better. I got a lot done this weekend so I'm proud of myself. Hopefully this will continue.
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![]() color14u, eggplantlife, TheOriginalMe
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![]() angelene, Bark, color14u, herethennow, Turtlesoup
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#20
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got my appatite back which is good but still tired and meds not really helping with depression yet either, been over a week now... meh
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, color14u, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#21
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Irritable. Depression leaves me irritable. Irritable with people, circumstances and life. And gawd forbid that irritability seep out of my poors. Nice girls aren't supposed to have any anger whatsoever. And i have much to be angry about. But, i must be conflict/confused. Not like(note sarcasm the great anger nebulizer)...not like I could pinpoint reasons. Justifiable reasons...oh no...must stay away...
Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, color14u, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup, waterknob1234
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#22
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...now I think I'll go wash up these tears and grab the kids
Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, Bark, Clara22, color14u, TheOriginalMe
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#23
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Still not doing well. Some shite went down last night. It really got ugly. Had to comfort my mom, and then had no one there to comfort me when it was all said and done. I couldn't even cry. It's like I've over-exceeded my crying limit, and now am not physically capable of tears. Although I want - need - to cry. Had sui thoughts but didn't act on them. Instead I burdened another person with my thoughts, made her worry about me, and now I feel bad. Reassured her that I would stay safe, and I have. I don't regret choosing to live. I just am tired of pain. Whenever I think it cannot possibly get any worse, it does. I feel sometimes like I have cursed myself or something - as if, by saying "It can't possibly get any worse", I'm telling the universe to bring it on, and inviting the gods to dump more shite on me. And now I'm scared as hell tonight will be more of the same because I really am at my breaking point. I can only bend so far before I snap.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous445852, Bark, boomerango, Clara22, color14u, Nammu, nervous puppy, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup, waterknob1234
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#24
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Hopless. Depressed. Lonely. Tired.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, Bark, Clara22, color14u, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup, waterknob1234
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#25
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Depression just consumes you. It's as if you've always felt this way and will continue to always feel this way. And you sabotage yourself. Studying feels overwhelming. But I can't keep putting it off.
I'd better sleep. Maybe I'll at least lay down to music. |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Anonymous445852, Clara22, color14u, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup, waterknob1234
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Closed Thread |
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