[eunoia535]

I feel like I can't do this anymore. depression is consuming me.

[color14u]

Well numbness didn't last long. I heard from someone today I hadn't heard from in over three years. (It was a good thing not hearing from them!) Talk about kicking a dog when it's down.

[TheOriginalMe]

I still haven't made the appointment to see my GP. I feel like I'll be wasting his time. I have had so many battles for treatment in the past 12 months that I can't face a simple appointment anymore. I just think I'm going to be given the brush off and that I don't deserve any better.

Work still causes problems, even though I'm more settled in my new office, old boss still finds ways to interfere and make things awkward for me, all the time he pretends he is acting in my best interests. However, new boss is lovely and very straight to deal with, so I know exactly where I am.

[angelene]

My big thing for making me feel not-so-awful today was the arrival of some new makeup via UPS. Something to look forward to, you know? But not today.
"AN EMERGENCY SITUATION OR SEVERE WEATHER CONDITION HAS DELAYED DELIVERY."
Sounds ominous. I hope nobody has been hurt.

[silentoneinhere]

I feel uncomfortable feeling this down.

[waterknob1234]

I had a strange day. When I got to work I noticed that someone had rearranged my desk. I did not appreciate this too much. They have been getting on my case because I have papers on my desk and they are not "arranged" just like the head brass wants them. I know it is such a trivial thing for me to get upset about, but I kept getting more aggravated as the day wore on about my desk being bothered. No one would admit to rearranging my desk and nobody seemed to know who did it. I feel like the Junior manager and the office manager are out to get me. Maybe I am just being paranoid. One of the girls will be leaving us in 2 weeks. I will miss her.

I remember when I was praying last week I knew I could not handle this job in my own strength. Yes I will have to rely on the Lord to help me. Now I have an ugly cold coming on and my nose and sinuses are stopped up. I don't want to go to the doctor because I was just there last week for a shot in my shoulder and I can't afford to go back again so soon.

I need to find the good as well as the bad. I had a wonderful patient and we started talking about local folklore and history and that was so much fun. I love taking care of my patients. The doctors at our office were also pleasant. I think I need to just find a way to not let the petty people get to me. Easier said than done.

[tigersassy]

New glasses, dietician appt, and starting my period. Yay! Pain not too horrible. Mood is decent. Therapy tomorrow after work. PTSD focus. I'm trying be mindful. I'm doing fairly well I think. Going to try doing yoga in the morning. That just means getting up earlier. Skipped work today. Blah... progress... right that's the key.

[dandylin]

I don't trust anyone anymore. I peek my head out of the hole and get poked in the eye. No more peeking

[Nammu]

Disconnected

[boomerango]

Valentine's day came and went. I tried not to care and not expect anything. But 2 days later, I said it would mean a lot to have hugs, some recognition of our love. he said he'd think about it, but it felt uncomfortable. Today I got a great valentine card from my sister. It's the simple things.

[lonelyguy7]

hey guys

Can't find my antidepressant tonight, I've looked everywhere it is strange. So I'm depressed and not sleepy. Son was in a better mood, he got out and spent less time with video games. Also having his older brother calling and talking got his spirits up. If both my kids are ok, then I'm feeling better. They are what matters in the end. If I fail them, I've failed everything.

Well, my psychiatrist decided I could go back up to 225 mg of Effexor. He had lowered it a week or two ago and then my depression got worse so I called. Can't remember if I wrote this before or not but I'm also going to my PCP on Friday to talk about whether we should try hormone replacement therapy for me with the thought that maybe I've been struggling with depression so much because of perimenopause.

Other than that, just trudging along, forcing myself to do all activities. I do hope things turn around for me soon mood-wise. It's no fun disliking every moment of every day.

[seeminglyreal]

having a hardcore panic attack

i'm terrified my cheeks feel cold i'm gonna die

[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by dandylin

I don't trust anyone anymore. I peek my head out of the hole and get poked in the eye. No more peeking

I understand completely. I feel the same way.

[einsam]

It's hard when no one answers to feel as though there's any point in speaking. I sent off an e-mail to an instructor asking for some clarification on textbook material, but like the two women I was recommended to for a potential mentor/mentee relationship before him I expect to be ignored entirely.

[dandylin]

With the heart issues my husband is having, I have been forced to think about my future. I am going back to school to finish my paralegal degree. I'm not sure that this is what I want to do with my life, but I'm 52 and need to come up with a way to support myself and my kids. It should only take a couple of semesters for me to finish.

What I'd really like to do is buy a food truck and hit the road.

[tigersassy]

I don't know where to post anymore. I'm not depressed right now just kinda numb. I have therapy after work. There's so much I feel like I need to talk about, but I'm not really wanting to. I'm not even sure I'll be able to afford therapy much longer. I'm just everywhere and nowhere. I just want fixed. I'm happy with my care team. I just wish was easier to afford the care you need. Blah....

[color14u]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

I don't know where to post anymore. I'm not depressed right now just kinda numb. I have therapy after work. There's so much I feel like I need to talk about, but I'm not really wanting to. I'm not even sure I'll be able to afford therapy much longer. I'm just everywhere and nowhere. I just want fixed. I'm happy with my care team. I just wish was easier to afford the care you need. Blah....

I would say you are still posting in the right place. I think the numbness is just a part of the depression.

[color14u]

Why do I attract toxic people? Why can't they just leave me alone. I just want to wallow all by myself in my sty of self pity.

[JohnCrow]

Well, I have an interview for a job tomorrow that I know squat about

I have to get out or I will go insane. I mean more.

If I knew some place better I would run away there but every direction seems to be rife with black dogs

Song of the day, once again, Black by Danger Mouse

Cast down, it was heaven sent and,
To the church no intent to repent,
On my knees,
Just to cry.

Until you travel to that,
Place you can't come back,
When the last pain is gone,
And all that's left is black.

[Espresso]

Today has been horrible. Yesterday was horrible. Everything is and has been horrible and will continue to be horrible forever and ever until the end of time.

I wonder, if these headaches are product of my depression, or of staring at a computer screen all day. No matter. I'm tired and cold. This night is going to be the coldest of the winter so far, windchill -24 or around about. I don't feel well at all, emotionally. My stupid brain keeps reminding me of happier times, I guess in an attempt to cheer me up, when really it only makes me nostalgic and sad... I miss 2010, 2011, 2013 (excluding 2012, which was the year my grandma died). It's different now. I feel like I've lost everything good that I once had, and now there's no more good things left to replace this aching void. I feel so empty. So little to live for, yet I am still here.
I wonder why...

[Chummy]

Looking for a work book to help me work on my problems. There are so many and I've several problems. Depression, low self-esteem, mood problems... where do I start. I feel like such a mess.

[waterknob1234]

I came down with a fierce cold yesterday, and it just got worse today. My nose and sinuses are clogged. I tried to go to work today but by 11:30 I just had to leave I felt so bad. I came home and took some cold medicine and went to bed.