[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by color14u

I am starting to freak out about work. Up until the 26th I am only allowed to work 2 hours a day. Everyone has been dumping stuff on me and I am trying to fix some of the things that weren't done quite right. My boss is upset I haven't worked on the project he assigned me. My Dr is only letting me increase to 3 hrs after the 26th. He says I'm still not strong enough for more because I still can't eat. The corporation I work for says I have to be back to work full time after 90 days of limited hours. So basically by Aprl 26th I need to be back full time. I don't know what I am going to do. I know he is right cause I can't work 2 hours in a row. I have to take a break half way through. I'm really afraid now... just another beautiful day in my life...

I went thru something similar to this after my gallbladder surgery in June 2013. I thought I would lose my job due to being unable to perform my job up to par postop. I did not lose my job. I'm still there. It's a shame. Employers really don't care about a worker's welfare, they just care about results. All I can say is follow your doctor's orders, take care of yourself, and do your best. Document everything. Have your doctor's work orders in writing. That way if the worst happens and they fire you, you will have some leverage with the unemployment or HR office. Best of wishes.

[waterknob1234]

I have been off work due to the respiratory flu since Wednesday. I am a little frustrated in that I have been so unproductive. I can hardly get out the bed. I was exhausted after seeing the doctor and getting medicine yesterday. I was exhausted after cooking breakfast this morning. I don't feel real bad, just weak. I have stopped up sinuses and bronchitis. I have to get more pep and get up and go so I can function at work on Monday.

I am considering writing a book, a historical fiction novel. It's a crazy project but it is something that I think will be fun to do.

[color14u]

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

I went thru something similar to this after my gallbladder surgery in June 2013. I thought I would lose my job due to being unable to perform my job up to par postop. I did not lose my job. I'm still there. It's a shame. Employers really don't care about a worker's welfare, they just care about results. All I can say is follow your doctor's orders, take care of yourself, and do your best. Document everything. Have your doctor's work orders in writing. That way if the worst happens and they fire you, you will have some leverage with the unemployment or HR office. Best of wishes.

Thanks! I can hope!

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

I am considering writing a book, a historical fiction novel. It's a crazy project but it is something that I think will be fun to do.

That sounds like a wonderful idea, good luck.

[Nammu]

threading water.

[TheOriginalMe]

We had a cold, breezy, sunny day. Just right for drying washing, I got three loads washed and aired outside. I still have quite a bit more to do tomorrow, when we are forecast snow, so I will probably take the rest to the laundrette.

I even found time for a walk today as well. I am really tired after 3 nights where I have only slept in half hour stretches.

[angelene]

I'm having stomach issues today. Also feeling exhausted and weak.

Well I picked up the truck yesterday, and managed to get to the school meeting fine, a few groceries, and then the darn thing up and died. Battery, seems to be, got a boost and kept driving to see if it would charge up again, it didn't, sitting out here dead. So much for plans to do something, but trying to be positive about it, hopefully I'll get another chance and it just needs a new battery. At least I got to drive a bit. I know others might not understand, but I LOVE driving, was always a good driver (my uncle was the absolute best driver's trainer), and I just feel soothed and relaxed when driving.

Son came down with a bad cold, so it wouldn't have worked to take him out and visit his brother anyways. Hopefully he's better by the time he goes to the dentist.

Got my papers figured out for my hairstyling license, so now just figuring out the expense of getting good scissors and supplies etc., after years of not being able to go to the beauty supply store (they won't sell to you without the license)... so have something to look forward to.

Pretty busy and somewhat of an eventful day for me. But not very satisfying. Went to the dentist at 8AM. It turned out OK and had a nice hygienist. Did my usual Saturday ritual of cleaning and shopping.

I went to see my friend at noon. He wanted me to come to his place. I felt somewhat resentful of having to do it because I feel like I always have to come to his place; instead of him coming to my place. But I keep forgetting that he can't drive. At first there was a little bit of tension between us. But it got better afterwards.

Another friend of mine wanted to get together with me today. I was looking forward to it. He had said that he'd call me sometime after 3. I was home at 3, and then I decided to take a one hour bike ride at 4:20 since I had not heard from him. He had called while I was on the bike ride. I called him back but just left a message.

still not having SU or SI urges, which i'm really happy about.

but yes, im still depressed.

[nervous puppy]

Better today. Thanks, everyone, for the hugs!
I had a talk with my H and he made me feel better about a certain situation. The downward spiral has stopped spinning.

Feeling a little low today. Just don't have much to look forward to today. My laptop apparently has a virus so am using my husband's now. I don't really have the money to get my laptop fixed so my husband will have to pay for it (we don't have shared accounts). Hate asking him for money.

Today I jog/walked already and did a load of laundry. We're going out to breakfast and then I'm not sure what else. I wish I didn't have ECT tomorrow because that means I won't sleep well tonight and I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon that I want to be fresh for. I need the ECT though so will go ahead with it.

[color14u]

Still in a bad place... trying to find the good, but... It gets tougher every day. I'm not in therapy and haven't been diagnosed. I've always been somewhat depressed and lived in self loathing. Since my illness, it's gotten so much worse. I am currently taking Fetzima (80 mg) by his prescription. This is the second med and the third increase of dosage. I see him in a week. I need to talk to him about it, but I never get the chance. My husband goes with me and basically does all the talking during the visit. It's like I'm not even there. I feel like I'm a five year old captive. I'm scared, angry, sad, resentful, and lonely. I'm smothered, but I feel like I'm screaming into a pillow.
Hope everyone is having a good day. Sorry to be such a downer today. Don't have anyone else to vent to...you guys are my only friends.

Living just gets harder and harder. I have nothing at all to look forward to. I try to make things to get excited about, just little stupid things, like a new episode of a TV series that I like. But then god, or fate, or whatever, will insert some obstacle that makes it impossible for me to enjoy the thing I was looking forward to, whatever it is (example - my parents fight all through the new episode I'm watching so I don't even get to hear any of it.) Or I will be looking forward to a chat with a friend online, and something will interrupt that as well. It always happens. I get frustrated to the point of tears, because it's hard enough already for me to find things to look forward to, without having them be shat on, time and time again.

It's to the point where now I'm scared of looking forward to/getting excited over anything, because I know how fast it can be ruined for me. It's ridiculous. I wish I didn't have to feel this way.

[regretful]

For me, it's more like a weekly check-in due to a new job, with which I'm not fully enamored yet. It's going to take a while. Despite this, I'm not majorly depressed, so I'm thankful for that, but it's still a struggle. I suspect that we all have this individual struggle, and I'm hopeful for all of us to one day overcome this horrible illness.

[Turtlesoup]

Originally Posted by color14u

This is the second med and the third increase of dosage. I see him in a week. I need to talk to him about it, but I never get the chance. My husband goes with me and basically does all the talking during the visit. It's like I'm not even there.

Sorry this is going on-as a nurse I'm surprised because generally no matter what the reason for your visit we want to hear the patient talk not the family-have often had to ask family to step out or let the patient speak. I hope you will get a referral to see a pdoc for your meds-please take care & let us know how you are doing

Saw my tdoc on Thursday & among other things talked about how I feel on the "verge" of depression but like not there yet but close. After we talked about how I feel overall I see that I have fallen into depression again (not severe but I was in denial about it). Had to mull that over for a few days-so am working on that as well as my other stuff (big sigh). I'm having a lot of PTSD stuff cropping up which seems to be fueling all my issues at the moment so am focusing on handling those memories differently than I have in the past. In the words of the awesome Gilda Radner "It's always something" Take care all

[Chummy]

I did a slow 28km run. At least something that's going well.

I get these flashes of feeling hopeless, like everything is to much, that I can't do it. I get it several times a day. And I already feel depressed all the time. But those feelings of hopelessness... I can't seem to do much. Running, yes. But everything that involves using your mind. I can't concentate. Everything is just bad.

Not much of a day today. Last night I watched a movie "Logan's Run". I did not enjoy it that much. Went to church this morning, but left before the service ended. I had things to do and there were meetings after the service that would not have interested me. So, nothing much going on socially for me today.

I was going to go for a bike ride today, but the weather does not look favorable. Very cloudy and threatening to rain, but no rain so far. So I'm just staying in today. I called a friend that I could have got together with yesterday, but just got his voice mail. I don't know if he and will get together today. So far, not much going on with phone calls and messages. I guess I miss being at work!

[dandylin]

Not a bad weekend. Had a bagel baking throwdown with my grown son who lives across the country. My hubs is finally home from the hospital and seems to be doing well. I don't really have much to complain about

[waterknob1234]

I finally feel like I am beginning to heal from the flu that started on Wednesday. My sinuses are clearing up but I still have the bronchitis. The weather doesn't help. Two days ago it was 22 degrees F, today I think it went up to 70 degrees. I went to the office for 3 hours to catch up on paperwork. The only bad thing is that now my husband has the flu and it has made him mean.

[Nammu]

Can't seem to shake the dream I had last night. I mumble-mingle of disjointed memories of abuse and tragedies from the past. No matter what I do today the images are there in the corner of my eye. Neither a book or the web provides enough distraction today. It just put a bit of a damper on my other wise undistinguished day.

[sideblinded]

I keep trying to shake my depression off but it is clinging onto me. Had some really bad news about a friend. I lost her 2 days ago and I am heartbroken. She was only 58.

I did get together with my friend after all. Just after my last post on here, he called. We got together for an hour. We covered some interesting stuff. I had not seen him in a while. The rain came but we didn't get too much. Nice quiet night tonight.

[Espresso]

I need to be fixed. I can't do this anymore. Help, someone, please.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Espresso

I need to be fixed. I can't do this anymore. Help, someone, please.

what's going on?