[tigersassy]

Sad today. Cancer, abuse, stress, work, stress... I just want to cry. Can I just crawl into the corner? It'll be ok. Therapy on Saturday. Blah...

[dandylin]

Not feeling up to pulling myself out of bed. I wish I knew how to fix me.

[healingme4me]

Aww crud. It's hitting me hard, this year. Five years, is a big milestone, not that every year doesn't amount to feeling it, nor everyday. So much has changed in my life. Smiles and laughter have returned in my home, but I'm sure, kids will reflect as adults that sometimes mom cried for what they thought was no apparent reason at the time, but mom missed her own mom. Dang, these kids got robbed..she was a good Grammy.
It was an oh great sure, take her moment between myself and you know who upstairs...

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[Bark]

I have food. I just need to reheat it. I'm thinking I might not end up having dinner tonight.

Had to put on an act all day and I'm exhausted. I ended up getting a delicious salad at one point. If I hadn't been meeting people there I might have skipped lunch altogether.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. Unless there is some way out of this slump I am fully expecting to end up back in hospital. I'm forcing myself to hold out until Friday. Then I don't know.

[Timetoshine]

Having a really rough time! Feel defeated, worn down, used up. Started crying out of nowhere yesterday (and I not a crier)! Just want it to stop

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Aww crud. It's hitting me hard, this year. Five years, is a big milestone, not that every year doesn't amount to feeling it, nor everyday. So much has changed in my life. Smiles and laughter have returned in my home, but I'm sure, kids will reflect as adults that sometimes mom cried for what they thought was no apparent reason at the time, but mom missed her own mom. Dang, these kids got robbed..she was a good Grammy.
It was an oh great sure, take her moment between myself and you know who upstairs...

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(((((((Healing4me)))))))))

[tigerlily84]

It was worth coming to work today if only for the tacos. (There was a potluck and it was amazing)

In other news, I found out that my old coworkers are losing their jobs by the end of the month. My whole department - gone. That would have been me, had I stayed! I can't help but feel like I dodged a bullet. Crazy.

[Turtlesoup]

Slept very little last night, icky dreams-was so tired at the beginning of the day I thought I would wind up depressed & go back to bed. After I was up for a bit I felt better so pushed myself to get busy & got a lot done & have felt good for most of the day-spent some time outside with the plants so the sunshine helped. Still sleepy but glad I pushed myself to have a good productive day. So sorry to see so many of us are struggling today-big hugs to all

[TheOriginalMe]

Physio today really got my neck loosened but it hurt a lot to make that progress.

Then I did a full day at work and got a biggish job out of the way. Yesterday I was really struggling to make the numbers add up, today they added up, I have no idea why I couldn't do a task yesterday but today I could. Thinking and concentrating are so hard for me.

[LittleEarthquakes]

Everything is overwhelming.

Yesterday was stressful at work at the end of the day. It upset me. And last night I had some weird dreams. I felt like the weird dreams affected my day. Though I had to be thankful that where I am now is much better than where I was in my weird dream.

Today was better, even after having that weird dream. Though I did get upset to find out that my co-worker has gout, and that's why he had been out for a couple of days this week. He is a pretty good friend at work for me.

After work, I was going to workout, but went bike riding instead. I felt guilty about not working out today, since I was going to yesterday and didn't. But I was in the mood more for a bike ride. I was glad that I did.

[Bark]

I've been waking up earlier. Still tired, but I struggle to fall back asleep. I'm waking up at a more normal time: around 9 AM. But it's not the usual for me. Plus I wake up several times during the night. Or I dream I've woken up. Or both. I guess I like that I'm waking up earlier, but the context is horrible. I've been waking up depressed every morning.

But at least I managed to fall asleep. I was a right mess last night.

[artichack]

What a day....41 above...sunny.....from 40 below 7 days ago...like they say.....when its spring time in Alaska...its 40 below.....had a wonderful massage....spring is coming....sunshine...birds....life is good today......sharing it with you all....hope you can feel the energy.....Artie

[Symbolic]

Today was a bit of a downer. I didn't accomplish anything. I'm always happiest when I get things done, instead of procrastinating and looking for excuses to put things off until later. Tomorrow morning I'll remind myself of that, and look to start on a more positive note.

My worsening depression since last Saturday lingers. I decided that rather than wait two weeks for another ECT I'm going to see if I can get in this Friday. I can tell the ECT is affecting my memory but I don't have much of a choice. I'm really, really tired of dealing with this depression.

People who don't have depression don't realize how easy they have it. I really struggle most days just to make it through the day: volunteering, going to AA meetings, jogging. I have to talk myself into doing everything instead of just doing it.

Went to the movie "Still Alice" yesterday with a friend. It's about a woman who was an accomplished college professor who had to give up teaching due to early Alzheimer's. I really identified with her because depression makes it impossible for me to practice law now. I don't even know if I can work as a paralegal but I will try if anyone will hire me!

my god, i woke up feeling horrific today. i saw my therapist yesterday and i think she stirred up some *****, or i didn't really talk about what i WANTED to talk about.

i feel so depressed today. i can't even get out of bed. i'm meant to be seeing my friend at 3 as well i hate everything.

i'm praying that my depression isn't coming back. i just got out of that nightmare. i'm NEVER going ip again. i have to stay strong. i hope to god this isn't its return.

[tigerlily84]

Woke up feeling absolutely horrible. I feel exhausted and I have a terrible headache. My body hurts too, but it's different from the body aches you feel when you're sick. Hopefully I will snap out of this because I have work today.

[dandylin]

Applied for a job today. Trying to force myself into normal activities, in the hopes that it makes me feel better

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by newgal2

My worsening depression since last Saturday lingers. I decided that rather than wait two weeks for another ECT I'm going to see if I can get in this Friday. I can tell the ECT is affecting my memory but I don't have much of a choice. I'm really, really tired of dealing with this depression.

People who don't have depression don't realize how easy they have it. I really struggle most days just to make it through the day: volunteering, going to AA meetings, jogging. I have to talk myself into doing everything instead of just doing it.

Went to the movie "Still Alice" yesterday with a friend. It's about a woman who was an accomplished college professor who had to give up teaching due to early Alzheimer's. I really identified with her because depression makes it impossible for me to practice law now. I don't even know if I can work as a paralegal but I will try if anyone will hire me!

So much truth in your words. I can always relate to your posts. Thank you

[herethennow]

not too good. the transference i'm feeling from pdoc is killing me.

sui thoughts on a rampage.
good thing i'm able to cry these days tho.

[Bark]

Saw my psychiatrist. We're going to up the dose and if I don't feel safe, there's the hospital.

It was kind of embarrassing, but I asked my friend to help me reheat my food. I don't have an appetite and I've lost quite a bit of weight (my psychiatrist is convinced I have an eating disorder). I have food, I just can't be bothered. Today I had a banana and a cupcake. Now I had some rice. My stomach is grumbling, but I finished the bowl and can't be bothered to get more food from the fridge. At least I'm not as woozy and out of it anymore.

I'm foreseeing another admission. I quite doubt I'll change meds, but... it's breathing space I guess.

Possible trigger:

Not to mention that last night was absolutely horrible and I started seriously planning methods.

These last couple days have been horrible. Fights lasting all evening, things getting ugly, terrible sleep and headaches. I'm as depressed as I've ever been. I've thought of things I shouldn't ever think of. I've begun to hate his voice when he gets drunk, whenever I hear it I just feel a surge of dread and I want to spit knives. I even hear it in my sleep sometimes... even unconscious I can't get away from it. My mom smashed the phone last night with a hammer and is waiting for an email reply back to see about getting another one. What a swell time this is.

Possible trigger:

I think about dying a lot now.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

These last couple days have been horrible. Fights lasting all evening, things getting ugly, terrible sleep and headaches. I'm as depressed as I've ever been. I've thought of things I shouldn't ever think of. I've begun to hate his voice when he gets drunk, whenever I hear it I just feel a surge of dread and I want to spit knives. I even hear it in my sleep sometimes... even unconscious I can't get away from it. My mom smashed the phone last night with a hammer and is waiting for an email reply back to see about getting another one. What a swell time this is.

Possible trigger:

I think about dying a lot now.

Oh honey please do something now like call your doc? Please don't die. I feel like sh... Too and want to give you a hug please hang in there

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Originally Posted by divine1966

Oh honey please do something now like call your doc? Please don't die. I feel like sh... Too and want to give you a hug please hang in there

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I don't have a doc... no phone to call anyone right now anyway, my mom smashed it last night with a hammer, in a fight with my dad. I won't be dying anytime soon, trust me... I don't have a way to do it.

Thank you for caring.

[Rose76]

Sick today.