mood change in a second.....

this morning i woke up fine. goodish day, no anxiety. went out to take daughter to college with hubby and her boyfriend. went shopping found out dani thinks i dont love her. hurt, angry. i have always loved and nurtured my children made them safe, cuddled them told them they are loved every day.
at the moment i am sick, not myself, that comment hurt. my mood changed in an instant, crying, despair, guilt, why do i bother. what have i done wrong. taken this comment so badly. how can she think i dont love her? i cuddled her this morniing and she pulled away and told her b/f what had she done wrong for me to cuddle her. oh my god i just cant win. she is 18 btw. i feel soalone in these feelings.tony is telling me not to bother or take it personally,stop worrying.she's my daughter and i adore her- idont feel close to her any more. is thiws me as a mum not wanting to let go cos she is a grown woman now? confused. always dreaded this moment when they find their own lives and dont need me anymore so much.
i want to be needed - is that selfish?

jin

UGH!

It is really hard not to take it personally...I don't think your being selfish.

I would imagine it would be hard to let go - I've got another 7 years before I hit that stage.

Take care!

I don't think it is selfish to want to feel needed. My son is still young, so like Direction - I have a ways to go. But I dread when something like this might happen to me.

Sorry for your pain!

hi kerry although our children grow up when do they ever stop being our babies? i had a grotty childhood,i made sure i didn't give my sons one,i can fault myself by doing too much ,but then i did my best ,thinking of you xxxxxxxxxx

thankyou for your replies

i too had a ****** childhood full of abuse and emotional crap and neglect to some extent. i know people have had worse experiences than me. i made sure to the point of my daughter not having guitar lessons on her own with a man that they were safe and secure always. i gave them love, cuddles, security. for the first time on my life i dont feel close to my daughter and the pain rips me apart. she is 18, an adult, i cant bear this feeling. so hard to let go. when she goes to university i dont know what i will do. yes she will always be my baby and so will my son, but how do you let go......? 3 years my son will be 18 already dreading it - how sad is that?

jin

awwww jinn jinn! its ok,,, u have done a very good job of looking after Dani. are u sure she meant what she said?
if ur that worried that she isnt feeling loved could u talk to her bout it?
u are anything but selfish... u r a very caring person, u deserve to feel wanted ok?

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((jinn jinn)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
tc

Hi JinnyAnn -- I don't have children, so I really have no business commenting, except to say that I am soo sorry that you are hurting.

(((((((((((((((JinnyAnn)))))))))))))))))

call this self pity but i dont deserved to be loved. i am a selfish piece of %#@&#! who thinks of no one but myself. i am at breaking point today. i dont deserve to be loved the way i am and i dont deserve my husband and i dont deserve the support i get. i dont deserve these two beautiful teens and i deserve to be put out of my freakin misery so no one else has to put up with it.
please do not send replies saying it's all crap because i know i'm right. selfish and full of self pity.

full stop. jin

Well I can tell you that you have helped me in many ways.

((((((((jinnyann)))))))
I don't have any children but it sounds like it can be very confusing. She's 18, it's a difficult age. Trying to break away and be mature and on her own. It sounds like she's feeling insecure herself. Keep trying to hug her even though she pulls away. She secretly likes it but of course won't let you know it.

((((((((((((jinny)))))))))))))

i'm with direction, you have helped me too..... teenagers can be difficult, i know when i was 17 and my mom was dying of cancer i pushed her away over and over again. how i regret that now! and i don't have kids but i know it must be tough when they start to grow up and want to pull away from their parents. she loves you, jinny, she does.

i hope you feel better soon.......

(((((((((((jinnybaby))))))))))))))

Being a mom of teens is a difficult job. There are growing pains felt on both sides, the teens and the moms. Teens want to be treated as adults yet act like young children sometimes. They will say what they know will push our buttons and make us feel like crap. I think those are the times that they are reaching out to us for something and just don't know how to verbalize what they need from us. Sometimes they need us to back off and sometimes they need us to cling on tighter. The best you can do for you and her is to open the communication lines and talk about it.

Don't worry jinnybaby....dani will always love you and so will you darling son. It's hard I know....hang in there dear...it will be ok!



Hugssssss
J

I'm sorry you're hurting sweetie ((((((((((((((((( jinnyann ))))))))))))))))

thankyou all for your kind words. trying to get my daughter unstuck from her b/f long enough to talk is hard. she works all weekend. i will try again and talk to her, she says its her way of coping with my illness. they've always known me as bubbly(mask)not used to me being so down for so long. c'est la vie.

thankyou love you all jinny xoxoxoxo