I am so tired of feeling low about being alone

You know what guys I really thought I was gettng better. The last two weeks marks a whole month on the medication and the last two weeks have been the best yet. Unfortuntely it was because I went home for a few days and because my boyfriend came and stayed for a few days at my home. I knew my feeling "normal" could only be a phase. Why am I so afraid to be alone. Why do I feel so empty and so anxious when I wake up and there is no one in my apartment. How come I feel like I am never going to find someone who wants to marry me....and who is truly going to be there for me all the time. Why am I having all of these distructive thoughts. I cant keep going through these thought processes....they aren't healthy. I am going to be 27 next week. I feel like I should be with someone now in my life....most of my friends are.....but I have a boyfriends who lives 2 hours from me that is going to away all summer. God I just want to feel strong and normal again. I just want to have self confidence and say Damn it.....I will find someone eventually that wants to love me but when it comes down to it......I just think no one could. Even though my boyfriend is great....I feel like I am holding onto something that will never happen anyway. I give up......I just give up........I am just tired... Does anyone have any suggestions on how i can stop feeling and thinking like this???

Sorry to vent....just falling apart this AM.

Don't EVER be sorry for venting, girl. It helps. It really helps.

hi lmn

i agree that venting can be a very helpful thing sometimes and this forum is the right place to do it, among people who understand and care.

try to hang on to those past two weeks. there is at least a possibliity that it may be a sign that things are getting better, even if right now they are only small, discrete instances. everyone's experience of the illness is different but is it possible that in the past even a visit home wouldn't make you feel any better? maybe at least some of the ability to enjoy things is starting to come back.

i think that is what is starting to happen to me... and for moments when i have any "good" experience, even just laughing at the last episode of "friends" or "aqua teen hunger force" i try to "mark" that in my mind and even if i can' t recall the experience, i can have a conscious memory that at least in spurts i am able to enjoy some things again, something to hang on to.

as long as you are fighting this there is hope, even if the depression prevents you from "feeling" hope. And you are working to get through this: by recognizing the need to vent and doing so, by taking your medications and waiting for them to work, and by keeping your "eyes open" for the possiblity of some good experiences, even if right now they are fleeting. hopefully periods of feeling good will come stronger with time.

even though it is difficult, or impossible, to incorporate "logic" into "feelings", try to remember that the hopelessness and the feeling that no one could love you are entirely falsehoods concocted by the illness. They don't reflect your true self, only a distorted image of yourself. You certainly DO deserve to be loved and to be happy and "normal" again and with time we all hope that will come again for you.

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--http://www.idexter.com

Thanks guys....your replys do make me feel better.

Hi
ITs morning again and I am so anxious. Scared about how I am going to make it through the day. Does anyone have any idea how to cope with this supid anxiety so I can sleep in the AM and not be jumping out of my skin all morning long?

Any suggestions?

lmn,

I've you've got something that you need to get off your chest and out of your mind, this is the place. You come here and vent anythime the feeling strikes. It can be a healthy thing to do. There no big plan, or a rulebook that says you should have done certain things by certain times in your life. You'll do and have the things you mention when the time is right in your life. Just try to be the best you that you can be right now, no pressures, no hassles, just living life as it comes. The good things in life have a habit of happening for us when we least expect them.

I'm very glad that you're here and you've decided to join our family. I hope you find all the love and support you're looking for!

Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

Do you take anything for your anxiety? I take Klonopin and it really helps. But there are other meds (Lexapro comes to mind) that I've heard can help with this. But for immediate, quick relief from anxiety like this, a benzo like Klonopin or Xanax would help.

Just a thought.

Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

I think the key to feeling better is to find joy in being all alone. Until you can be comfortable with yourself and happy with yourself and your life you will not make a good partner for anyone.

A while back I lost a relationship with a woman that was the best friend I ever had. My whole world revolved around my kids and around her. It took me a long, long time to come to grips with losing her.

Like you, I hate being alone. But, I realized that I need this time alone to heal and become the best person that I can become. I know it hurts. I know the feeling of loneliness. Just try and keep busy and try not to place so much pressure on finding a partner. If you place so much pressure on yourself you are likely to make a wrong decision about relationships.

Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

Don't feel sorry for venting, venting is the best thing.

The problem with depression is that it's ongoing- it'll stop for awhile then something will trigger it yet again.

Are you keeping busy through out the day?

I'm sorry you are feeling so down in the dumps right now. I am kinda there myself so I don't have really anything postive to contribute at this point.

Being lonely is one of the worst feelings to have. Just think of your apartment in a postive way- it's your home. Everything in it is yours and take joy in that.

Can your BF now come to the apartment?

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>