Relationship (breakup)

Hello all , i met this girl i know at work and we started to date a month ago , so everything was going good until this morning when i got a msg saying this Hey, i gotta say something.
Im not happy with the way things are going with us and its time to end what we have going on.
Sorry but its done.
I met up with my ex today and we got back together.
Sorry.

I was thinking , the night before we were talking on how she will get to school as she has no car , so i said well u can take my car while im working and then she lost it . she said any guy who offered me help gets shut out of my life completely , me not knowing she had a trust issue .. i didnt know so i said well can we work things out together , i told her shes not alone anymore i can help .. she said yes then i wake up in the morning and get that message , ive been dating her for a month so its not long but its my first girlfriend im kinda upset and angry bc if she says is true getting back with her ex it bothers me bc he is abusive and a bully . from what i got out of her .. it was odd because everything before this fight we were happy her kids were happy with me being around always asking if im coming over and all .. i just dont know what to do i guess move on ? or she just saying she is getting with her ex just for a excuse ? maybe i was to aggressive ? and clingy perhaps . i just wish things would turn out good for me for once . every time things look good something happens even quicker . btw she is 29 and im 24 she has 2 kids 8 and 9 and i have no kids . and i still live in my parents she has her own house and was recently separated from her husband . all and all im frustrated and pissed and upset . not sure why a grown man will cry over this only after a month but i was . its affecting my work i was told to . im not sure how to get over it . any help would be apperated and sorry if this is the wrong forum to post this mods can move if necessary

Hi shaneomac. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry about the breakup. Sounds like she needs a lot of help to process former relationships.

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Anxiety (including social anxiety) is at 8PM EST Wednesday.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern. A therapist is a good option in this situation. If not possible, there is a resource where you can submit a question and volunteer therapists answer as their time allows. Ask the Therapist

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Hi Shane, I'm sorry that this happened to you. That is a brutal way to find out that a girlfriend wants to break up. Breakup by text message is bad enough, but that's a particular hurtful text message that she sent.

One of the bad things to me about a relationship that ends is that we usually don't get a chance to find out exactly why.

The ball is kind of in her court now, and I would leave it there. She may choose to reach out to you or she may not.

You now have to start to repair the hurt that you've suffered. Talking to people about it can be helpful. These forums are a good place to do that. You will get a lot of different ideas and opinions, and you probably won't agree with all of them, but that usually comes with getting opinions from a diverse group of people.

As far as the crying, it makes total sense to me. You were forming an attachment to her and probably to her children as well, and it has been ended abruptly and in an unkind way.

The crying can be cleansing. You've had a loss, and sometimes crying helps you to recover faster than you would have otherwise. Your body knows what it's doing, so please don't feel like you shouldn't cry.

Hugs.

Thanks so much and i did have a bond with the kiddies , they were always looking for me asking where i was and such ,.. and then boom she sent me that message .. and i was told that she was with another guy while with me another dagger in the heart .

hi Shane

I'm sorry this happened to you. I do feel that the best thing to do is to let the relationship go. It is impossible to know if her saying she went back to her ex is just an excuse for not. The breakup of a relationship is the kind of bereavement. And I do think that seeing a therapist would be helpful. Certainly, trying to keep your mind occupied doing things will help to take it away from the sad feelings. I hope and pray everything will get better for you. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Thanks for the nice reply , and ya i just find it hard to get over it .. nobody is home right now home myself and isolated and i dont think its the best thing for me but i have to go to work with her tonight

Well im still feeling mostly pissed off and still upset i did see her at work but i didnt even say hi .. but i would like to know what the hell i did to deserve this .. i just wanted to be happy and we were ..

I do think you are missing a couple obvious points. If she broke up then she obviously wasn't happy and the second one, she sounds like she has no idea what she wants and until she does this is how she will be. I bet, if you get a little history on her, you will find that she probably has a guy every time before she breaks up with the other one. Anyway, that needy, needs serious help. Word to the wise, in a few weeks when things are going well with that guy, she will be trying to rekindle something with you (at least for a little while) until something better comes along.

Run.
Run fast, run far.
Be thankful she cut you loose. Avoid her, don't engage, don't try to be friends, don't comfort her when her relationship blows up. She will suck you right back in.

This is the problem , we were happy she was smiling i could tell by the way she reacted and the smile on her face when her kids were happy around me .. and when i was in bed with her she was like you are what me and the kids needed in our lives then next night we got in that argument about me offering her my car to get to school until hers get fixed as she got in a bad accident thankfully her and the kids were ok but she had no way to go to school .. just sad on how this all ended thats all .. i sure hope time heals these wounds i have .. thanks all for replies and will update sorry for ranting and venting but i have no where to go .. thanks ..

i just find it hard to get up in the morning , ,knowing what could of , i just blame myself for this and i cant help it i just get that anxious feeling in my stomach that maybe she deleted me because i said something maybe shouldn't , i just dont know i do miss her still she robbed me for ever have another relationship , world is a friggin trip and i hate it .. i had to take alot of attivan to relieve all this pain and hurt which i know i shouldnt of bc ive been clean off it for a year but i dont know what else to do , went to the hospital they saw me for a min and then said i needed to get a self referral and wont hear back for a month ...... Back to work today to , i hate this .

shane
this has nothing to do with you. you need to realize that. your assessment of being happy and everything going well is probably just that. women in abusive relationships have a difficult time leaving them. they return over and over again. this is about her. she decided to go back to her ex. it had nothing to do with her relationship with you, anything you did or didnt do, you were just a casualty in her relationship with her ex. she had to dump you to go back and continue her dance with him. she couldnt very well say to you "things were great, so i am dumping you" so of course she is going to say that things werent working out. it wasnt anything about you. it was about the connection she has with her ex and not being able to let go of that relationship. it doesnt matter how great it was with you. you could have given her the moon, but women in these type of relationships go back time after time. it is challenging to understand but it is a fact. i understand you are hurt as this meant something to you, but she still is attached to too much baggage from the past to be engaged with you. know you didnt do anything wrong, you couldnt have done anything different. this was entirely her doing and her choice.

welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Thanks all i know i just always fear of the worst , and i hate this feeling i just wish it would stop but i always had this problem since i was 16 .. well if this making me happy something is going to happen , when i first met her when i was with her at her house i was happy and all but when i left her and was not with her i would get sick and not be able to eat , i was at work and had to get work to call 911 for me bc i passed out and was unconsious from not eating or drinkning for the 5 days i was with her . never knew it would make you feel sick when u are in love with someone which see im like a kid because i fell in love to quick .. kinda got love struck and i hated it .. just wish i wasnt that kind of a guy but i am , i dont go out because im parnanoid someone is going to jump me or kill me when im out in public especially a bar or club .. sucky feeling .. but im just to afraid to go anywhere . wish i could get over it but i tried over and over i just cant .. so when i met her i just felt comforable around here , she was great to me her kids were great i just felt like at home then everything came crashing down on me in a nick of a second .. So thats why well if im h appy it aint going to last long because something will happen just does and so far its the truth blah thanks for letting me vent here because i cant even get to see a therapist or anything till a month or so ..mental health system is a joke here they wait till you do something (suicide or kill someone) before they address it which is to late .. people dont understand how people like me and others feel until they deal with depression/anxiety , thats why i could never talk to my friends about this because they will well dont get depressed of it its just a girl or well u got laid should be happy about that .. well no this is why im pissed because i made love with someone who at the time i thought i liked/loved but then turned out like this so now im beating myself over it because i wanted it to be with someone who i loved .. sucks so bad .. just thinking her with another guy kills me .. GR just wish things were different but they arent ,.I just thought in relationships you always try to help your partner in need but it backfired on me . what else can i do . why do woman love to play bf or vice versa i just dont understand it . and of course i left 3 cialis over there at her house and dont think ill get it back .. cost me 77 $ for 3 of them .. GR bad luck keeps coming .

Well update her ex was one of my buddies i knew , which i didnt know who then i started to vent about her to him because he was always a ear for me , and the stuff he asked i answered in a cocky way .. now im paranoid that he will think differently of me or try to beat me for the way i spoke to him about her .. so it just never ends .. i hate it .

Update , i think she is trying to make me jealous or something , posting 100 pics of him and her on her fb and then smirking at me when im working ? like really shes really putting a number on me .. like a dagger in the heart u know /. crazy

Hello all just giving update , things are getting better slowly .. but i still get those "memories" still .. but not as bad as it was thats for sure .. I still see her daily but she dont want to speak to me .. she just looks down and moves on .. To bad it ended up like that , i feel lonely i always was lonely could never go out in public and meet new people because of my paranoia and social anxiety .. sucks . Just want to meet that one girl who i can cuddle talk about anything and just chill .. but im afraid now ..

Hello all alot of things happened the last month , just this past weekend i was on lunch at work and what do you know she pops in never talked to her in a month as she ignored me , she there talking about how to get rid of her bf saying to me hes nothing but a crack head .. im thinking to myself do what u did to me ! DUH .. but i didnt because i didnt want to be rude .. i go along talking to her , shes telling me her whole life story talking to me like im her best friend and at the same time im just thinking in my head she not know what she did to me ? .. so i ask how school is going and how the kids are doing and she said they are good and she tells me that they are asking where you are .. i was like ahh .. so the hour goes by she there says hi to me now .. she then broke up with her bf and then she tries to add me back on facebook! i was like hmm what do i do give her a second chance or is she just playing the both of us ? ., friends are saying let her go . .

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I got dumped too and am going through depression. it's gonna be hard and you will fixate on where your life is and what she's doing at the moment without you. I have had those thoughts, all I can say is to let them run through your head until you tore out, ask all the questions you want and try to give your best answer. it's like going through withdrawal. I am clinging to a friend who will listen, that may be a good idea. Logically it makes sense that she was by right for you and has her own problems the emotional side I'm sure just wants her back or asks why couldn't she just be with me, us against the world ? all I can say is small steps, go ahead and cry, yell if you want to let it out. in those moments in between depression where u find yourself laughing or not thinking bad thoughts or crying I say hang on, and do one "normal" thing, like a short walk in the warm sun, or going and getting a cup of coffee and build up to it and from it. I'm currently fixating on the good moments of that relationship which make me even more sad... but I walked home today and that in itself got me through today. I hope this helps even a little. just build up.