dont feel grown up....

i still dont feel grown up. i have two teens, i'm married, i have a mortgage and bills, responsibilities.

i feel like curling up on my grandads knee (who has passed away) and sucking my thumb and watching tommy cooper on tv like we used to in the days before i knew pain and insecurity. i want to be stroked onmy head by my grandad and fall asleep on his lap while he sang to me. i want to wake up tomorrow morning and bounce on his bed til he tickled me and carried me downstairs to make a bacon butty and a pot of tea. i want to then go to the park and fall over and cry and he would make it all better again. dear grandad why did you leave me i never got over you, i still love you the best, i still talk to you, can you hear me? can you still love me?
i loved you so much grandad, i cry as i write about you, i miss you so much still. you were the most special person in the world to me and always will be along with my children. i hope you are happy and free of your arthritis wherever you are. please be with me when i sleep tonight, hold my hand like you used to and sing gently to me in your lovely geordie accent. i loved that you caled me jinnyann, but never knew why - but one day i'll see you again and ask you. cuddles from ynite nite bonny lad - til we meet again.
our jinnyann and a big kiss on your whiskery cheek i always remember your grey goatee and used to stroke it when i sucked my thumb.

your jinnyann xoxoxoxoxo

(((((((((((((((jinnybaby)))))))))))))))))

I can so see you in your grandad's lap sucking your thumb and stroking his goatee! Go with it hon....remember the goodness of that time together. That's what his memory is for hon, to bring you peace and love. He is always with you.....holding your hand and kissing your tears away. He will never leave your side or your heart or your soul. Let these wonderful memories put a smile on your face and warmth in your heart, for when you are thinking of him is when he is closest to you

xoxoxo
J

(((((((((((sabby)))))))))))))

thankyou for that, cant see to type through my tears, that wa beautiful and i feel close to him now you said that. i dream about him the nights i sleep and dont have nightmares. so long ago but i miss him so so much.

thankyou sab love you, kerryxoxoxoxoxo

I completely understand - I am 37 and do not feel at all grown up. My parents both died last year (age 59). My head tells me that I have been on my own since I was 22, but in my heart I still feel like a little kid who needs a parent.

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone. Sorry I don't have any good advice or words of wisdom though.

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jinnyann said:
i still dont feel grown up.......

i feel like curling up on my grandads knee (who has passed away) and sucking my thumband watching tommy cooper on tv like we used to in the days before i knew pain and insecurity. i want to be stroked onmy head by my grandad and fall asleep on his lap while he sang to me. i want to wake up tomorrow morning and bounce on his bed til he tickled me and carried me downstairs to make a bacon butty and a pot of tea. i want to then go to the park and fall over and cry and he would make it all better again. dear grandad why did you leave me i never got over you, i still love you the best, i still talk to you, can you hear me? can you still love me?
i loved you so much grandad, i cry as i write about you, i miss you so much still. you were the most special person in the world to me and always will be along with my children. i hope you are happy and free of your arthritis wherever you are. please be with me when i sleep tonight, hold my hand like you used to and sing gently to me in your lovely geordie accent. i loved that you caled me jinnyann, but never knew why - but one day i'll see you again and ask you. cuddles from ynite nite bonny lad - til we meet again.
our jinnyann and a big kiss on your whiskery cheek i always remember your grey goatee and used to stroke it when i sucked my thumb.

your jinnyann xoxoxoxoxo

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what wonderful tribute and prayer to your granddad. i can just feel your love for him emanating from your words, as sure and warm as a loving hug.

i too don't feel grown up AT ALL. I'm locked at age 16. I am 33 years old chronologically and when I look in the mirror I can see that I'm 33. But when I just sit in my body, I am 16. There was never any resolution to some of the worst traumas that happened to me...and I was 16...and so I'm caught in a loop...like a record skipping.

(And..............i still occasionally suck my thumb to go to sleep. It makes me feel really "unstable" to be still sucking my thumb at 33.)

i'm 64 and i still would like to sit next to my dad and have him tell me how to handle life and what to do about my truck. i don't think we quit missing them........xoxoxo pat

thankyou thankyou for your kind words, i am so grateful to you all

love jinnyann, i will never get over his death.never.

hi jinny i don't feel grown up a lot of the time ,what does it mean anyway? when i get low i want to be looked after trouble is there is no one physically to do it ,i get support off friends and this site but i have no real place where i can give my troubles over to apart from my hope of a loving god ,-who never gets back to me!! my role in life has been looking after everyone else.i had a great relationship with my grandad he was a giant of a man but so gentle , i fondly remember him ,as my father was such an --------- and he really took his place, he taught me to be strong ,compassionate and caring i walk in his shadow much love jeff xxxxxxxxx

I MISS MY GRANDAD. THE ONLY MAN WHO LOVE DME AS A CHILD, WHO NURTURED ME, LOVED ME, TAUGHT ME GOOD FROM BAD, TOOK ME ON HOLIDAY, SHOWED ME OFF TO EVERYONE, HUGGED AND KISSED ME, WAS MY LIFE.

WHEN HE DIED, SO DID PART OF ME. IT WILL NEVER COME BACK TIL I MEET HIM AGAIN.

TY FOR REPLYING EVERYONE

JIN XOXOXOXOXOXO

((((((((((((((JinnyAnne & Everyone Missing Parents, Grandparents)))))))))))))))))))))))

I think it is people like your grandad who teach you what it will be like to be a grandma, so you can pass those same feelings down to the next batch of little ones... and cycle keeps going... God bless your grandad for leaving a legacy that will last on long after your grandchildren's grandchildren sing to their grandchildren.

It was a beautiful post. Thank you.

Just for the record, I don't ever want to feel grown up. The reality may smack me in the face from time to time, but I still prefer to think of myself as a big kid with more responsibilities than the other kids.

thankyou, you all made me feeol better, and camacho i never saw it that way - thankyou for you support, you are a very compassionate person and have cheered me up with everyone else, bless you

jinnyann xoxoxoxxox

(((((((((((((((( more hugs for you ))))))))))))))))

Love,
Fuzzy

I don't feel grown up too. I'm 36 but everytime I pass near the places of my childhood (such as my school) I get sad almost want to cry. Every memory of teen age is filled with frustration, and since those problems aren't resolved I can't go on, despite my body is getting old. I have clinical depression (under treatment) and I feel that when my parents will die I will be shattered beyond recovery.
I used to love my grandma, but she died of alzheimr and left me with many haunting memories of her decay.
I'm sorry, I know I was supposed to support you... I can't even support myself.

thankyou all for your support. stefano, dont worry i will hold your hand and if you need to pm me do so.

love jinnyann xoxoxoxoxo