[mewtwojunior]

Hi. I'm a 27 years old men that have been going through a very difficult moment in this time. For the past two years, my life have gone down hill. Well, its not that in my previous years my life was anyhow perfect, but I manage myself to keep it through. Anyway in this two years I have had some depression episodes, mostly because everything and I mean everything its not working at all. My work is not giving me the satisfaction I was expecting, and now I find it difficult to work, because I cannot focus myself. My relationships aren't good at all, in fact I haven't been really never in a relationship. It is not because I couldn't find someone to love me, is the fact that I couldn't manage myself to love them in the same way, and for me is really important to have some kind of feelling between us both. I work as an software developer, and its has been my passion since I was a child, but somehow I don't want to do it in the moment. Going back to where I left, I have felt in love really several times, but they haven't loved me, and I have found myself, imploring them to love me. It's really an irony that I love not the ones that love me but the ones that don't. The people that I got in love with, just decide to treath me like a was a piece of garbage, and I get hurt and feeling even worse than I should. Yesterday I ended up my love dependency from a girl, who definitely decided to tell me that I am not a big deal, and that she hasn't and will never feel interested in me. I decided to step aside, and try to recover myself again. I cannot accept more rejections in my life. Everytime is a rejection and I cannot handle it anymore. My life is really bad in this moment to have to deal with a rejection.

I think this information may help, so I will also post it here. My family is really complicated. My grand father was rich, but the family got broke when he stop working, his daugthers and sons, decided to use the money to only have fun. Trips and everything else. In this moment, I create my own Software company, and out of the blue my family decided to put all their money problems over me. I could leave them with their problems but I don't want to let them fall even more. My mother also has decided to make my life misserable, telling me that the reason that the family is full of debts is because I don't pay them, when they aren't even mine. My mother suffers from OCD, and my entire life has been her not letting me live. My father is just a misogynist womanizer, who only look women for sex, and haven't never really been interested in his sons. When I was 19 to 20 I suffer from sever low selfsteem, and sever depression, I also had suicide tendency because of my depression in that moment. I tryed to commit suicide, but was unsuccesfull on it. But I manage to get over that and even become happier for some time.

In this moment I have no intentions of commiting suicide or anything, but for the first time, I don't have the strenght to fight again for my life. I know that there are more severe cases of depression, but I also would like to recover from mine, so I could help others in similar situations. If you need more information I gladly would give it to you. Thanks for hearing me, and if you have some advice or some words to give, I will be very greatfull with you.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Mewtwojunior.

I strongly suspect your family struggles over long years have set you up to be susceptible to depression, and depression certainly drains the life out of life.

My opinion is that you will need some sort of outside help to both combat the depression and readjust the roles you play in your family. Those are intertwined.

Do you have any close friends and/or a medical doctor you can see?

[lonely-and-sad]

I would stop the financial problems by telling your family members you do not have it. Tell them you are broke. You have helped already and it is obvious it is never enough, you dont need a guilt trip from them.

When the attachments are strong romantic rejections always hurt like nothing else. I have been reading recently that it typically (obviously each case is unique so not always) takes 1-2 years to recover fully from such an experience.

I think it is always important to work out if you are experiencing depression becuase of the circumstances of your life or if you have depression as a condition. In my case life circumstances have very little to do with whether or not I am experiencing depression.

Are you getting regular exercise? A good night's sleep? How is your diet? Supplementing with omega 3 has been shown to be helpful for mood. Relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, meditation and even massage have also proven to be helpful.

If you improve your situation in life it might be enough, however I agree with the poster above that suggested you see your medical practitioner. Suicidal thoughts are more than enough to suggest you are severely depressed and that needs medical attention.

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

[francisR]

Mewtojunior

I am sorry that things are not going well for you at the moment. Have you got good medication? Are you in therapy? That can make a huge difference to managing problems. I am sorry that you have not found a good relationship yet. But this may just be a matter of keeping trying till you find the right person.

You can only really afford to pay what is financially possible for you of the family debts always allowing you enough to have a reasonable life. There is no reason why you should feel bad about yourself. You are a very caring person good at most things and not so good at a few like the rest of us. And you have managed to set up your own software company which is a great achievement! I hope and pray you feel much better soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[mewtwojunior]

Sorry for the late reply I was solving others problems.

I was thinking about what you have said and it really could be possible. I mean even in the days when everything starts to work, my family suddenly appears and destroy with their problems the rest of the day for me. When I have to return home or go somewhere else and there is someone of my family there, I prefer to make a long walk before entering and seeing them.

In this moment my best friends are outside the country. I had a great friend that was a psychologist, but died some years ago from cancer. So in this moment I found myself dealing with this all by myself. But I am trying to find someone to talk about it. But it has really hard to find someone. And what really bothers me, is that when they needed my help I had given it to them. But when I am on need of help, they simply don't want to help me.

[mewtwojunior]

Originally Posted by lonely-and-sad

I would stop the financial problems by telling your family members you do not have it. Tell them you are broke. You have helped already and it is obvious it is never enough, you dont need a guilt trip from them.

When the attachments are strong romantic rejections always hurt like nothing else. I have been reading recently that it typically (obviously each case is unique so not always) takes 1-2 years to recover fully from such an experience.

I think it is always important to work out if you are experiencing depression becuase of the circumstances of your life or if you have depression as a condition. In my case life circumstances have very little to do with whether or not I am experiencing depression.

Are you getting regular exercise? A good night's sleep? How is your diet? Supplementing with omega 3 has been shown to be helpful for mood. Relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, meditation and even massage have also proven to be helpful.

If you improve your situation in life it might be enough, however I agree with the poster above that suggested you see your medical practitioner. Suicidal thoughts are more than enough to suggest you are severely depressed and that needs medical attention.

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

Yes you are right. I day ago I found and old text from my friend that died, and I didn't remmembered that she said to me that my problems had one origin: my family. She told me that if I free myself from all of this unreasonable thoughs I will find happyness. She also told to my family that they were acting in an unapropiate way and this was causing me serious problems. But as you can see they only care about themselfs. Yes in the past I exercised myself. I made myself practice almost every kind of sport. Fencing, tennis, soccer, futbol, horse ridding and more. The days that I made myself exercise more than usual, I got so tired that I couldn't even feel depress.

[mewtwojunior]

Originally Posted by francisR

Mewtojunior

I am sorry that things are not going well for you at the moment. Have you got good medication? Are you in therapy? That can make a huge difference to managing problems. I am sorry that you have not found a good relationship yet. But this may just be a matter of keeping trying till you find the right person.

You can only really afford to pay what is financially possible for you of the family debts always allowing you enough to have a reasonable life. There is no reason why you should feel bad about yourself. You are a very caring person good at most things and not so good at a few like the rest of us. And you have managed to set up your own software company which is a great achievement! I hope and pray you feel much better soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Thanks you are right it has been really hard to accomplish this goal.

You know, all my life I have been the one that only listened and never said anything at all. But know I got tired and maybe I don't kniw how to express myself so maybe I make mistakes. But they just don't care, I ask for some advice and no one want to stood up for me. In my life I have defend myself again others, and now I'm tired of it. And it doesn't matter if I win a lot or money or just a few bucks, they make me in the worst possible way to give them all my money. Sometimes I feel like I'm an idiot and I should stood up and say no more. But I don't know, I just decide to accept all the hate and regrets.

[francisR]

Hi Mewtwojunior

Hopefully you will be able to find someone to talk to where you live. Perhaps a therapist would be helpful. Standing up to yourself and saying no when they keep asking you for all of the money is best. You can only give them what you can afford so that you have a reasonable life.

If your family are giving you so much trouble. would it be helpful to move away and set up on your own? I hope and pray all of this will improve for you in the future. Take care. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[mewtwojunior]

Sorry for answering again so late, but I was trying to handle in the best way possible all this feelings. It has been a really complicated year and now I even feel worst than before. A week ago I found out that the girl I have been in love "even saying this makes me feel bad with myself", just wanted to hurt me from the beginning "I really can't find the perfect worlds to explain my situation". I had the most humiliating year in my life, I though that she at least has some feelings for me, but now I know she just doesn't love me and that the image of her and me just disgust her, she just didn't say anything for almost 7 months. I was trying my best for her thinking that she wanted something, but now I feel humilliated and disgusted with myself. For the first time ever I feel disgusted with myself by being in love with someone. Somehow I'm angry with her, but I'm more disgusted of myself. I really don't want to felt in love anymore. My life was miserable and now this? I don't know how I keep fighting against all of this. Today I took a long walk, and I ask myself, why is this happening and why I keep fighting. I want to cry, but now I manage myself to avoid any kind of feelings so I won't feel hurt. I now I'm destroyed inside, but somehow now I'm unable to feel my emotions. A couple of minutes I tryed to cryed, and suddenly like and internal voice or something told me, that it wasn't good to feel pain or grief, so my mind stop my feelings, my pain. Now I don't know, somehow I shut myself, my emotions. If I see something that makes me feel something, I suddenly turn my face away, so could not feel anything. Do you know what is happening know, with me?

[francisR]

hi Mewtwojunior

I am sorry you are feeling so bad. It was bad of this girl to hurt you. that way. But do not feel disgusted with yourself. There is no reason for that you loved someone, which is always a good thing. I just hope and pray you will soon find someone who will love you back. Perhaps you would like to consider getting good medication and therapy to feel better. Try to keep your mind busy doing things, especially enjoyable ones to take the focus away from the pain. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[mewtwojunior]

Originally Posted by francisR

hi Mewtwojunior

I am sorry you are feeling so bad. It was bad of this girl to hurt you. that way. But do not feel disgusted with yourself. There is no reason for that you loved someone, which is always a good thing. I just hope and pray you will soon find someone who will love you back. Perhaps you would like to consider getting good medication and therapy to feel better. Try to keep your mind busy doing things, especially enjoyable ones to take the focus away from the pain. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Thanks, for your words. I have decided to take some time alone. I want to recover myself, and I think that if I don't do this know, I'll feel more stressed. I don't know, I'm hopping somehow with this decition will help me. But what I really don't know is that my trust towards others has been hurt. I'm thinking to start therapy, in order to recover from all of this. I don't think I could handle them myself.