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#1
Jun 06, 2007, 12:32 PM
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My life is turning out to be %#@&#!. There's no one i can talk to that won't say "It's a tough illness" or "Hang in there" when I'm hanging from an itty-bitty white string that's about to snap. When everyone else is fighting life with their gleaming swords and shiny shields, I'm the village idiot with wooden weapons. Spare weapons that once decorated the wall of the saloon. I know we can't talk about suicide but...(don't mean to trigger)
It seems like I'm going through mild depression with suicidal thoughts (I won't discuss) despite being on a HEFTY dose of Lithium, the great anti depression med. It's all going to hell in a hand basket.    
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I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#2
Jun 06, 2007, 01:14 PM
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Well I wont say those two phrases...what's going on that you feel like only a string that is left?
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Direction  Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#3
Jun 06, 2007, 10:12 PM
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(((((((((Phil))))))))))
Don't let the depression win. You can get through this, even though it might not feel like it right now. And don't forget, wooden weapons can cause a helluva splinter.
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If you're going through hell, keep going.... (Churchill) |
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#4
Jun 07, 2007, 10:30 AM
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hanging in there is so overated... being ill can show ppls insecruities out
most just dont know what to do or say ((((phil)))) theres something holding u back thou from ur plans... think about what that something is cos its gonna be ur life raft... |
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#5
Jun 07, 2007, 11:45 AM
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((((((phil)))))))
hang in there even if its only for one more day you are so much more than you think and we all care about you! take care PM ME ANYTIME!!! 
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#6
Jun 07, 2007, 11:56 AM
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The thing now is that I hate to be around my mother. She is very irritating. Lord almighty can I just have a few hours more alone? This is all going to hell.
__________________
I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#7
Jun 07, 2007, 12:00 PM
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How does she rub you the wrong way?
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Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#8
Jun 07, 2007, 12:04 PM
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Just her happiness and the fact that she is a stupid bona fide sinner gonna burn in hell, maybe next to me. No, I'm worse because I've heard the voice of Satan and God in my head. And believe me, Satan is PURE evil.
__________________
I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#9
Jun 07, 2007, 12:11 PM
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How does her happiness bother you?
I think God is probably the only one who can judge your mother...when it comes to hell...Don't you think?
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Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#10
Jun 07, 2007, 12:17 PM
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But God has already decided. Me and everyone I know close to me besides my psych will burn in hell. Forever. And Ever.
__________________
I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#11
Jun 07, 2007, 02:38 PM
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Cut yourself a break-have you ever done anything really evil? I mean, REALLY EVIL?
I don't think so. ((((((((((Phil)))))))))))) |
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#12
Jun 07, 2007, 03:37 PM
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I killed someone indirectly, a psych central member by being careless.
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I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#13
Jun 07, 2007, 06:01 PM
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I wish I could find the words ... I do care and I think you are taking on too much on your shoulders. I hope your mind clears a little bit so you can see that the lies within are winning some battles ...
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Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#14
Jun 07, 2007, 08:26 PM
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Now it seems like there are invisible Satan soldiers following me and ready to strike. I am scared.
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I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#15
Jun 07, 2007, 08:36 PM
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Hi Phil,
Please, please call your pdoc and tell him or her that you're having some problems. You need your meds checked. If you can't reach the pdoc, call 911 and tell them what is happening with you. Hugs, (if ok) Jan
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I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today. Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree. My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else. |
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#16
Jun 07, 2007, 08:53 PM
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I called my pdoc but still no response. Now I'm starting to think my only friend is in league with the Devil. Why can't there be anyone that I can talk to about this besides my %#@&#! pdoc who says the same things over and over. "It's a tough illness" "Hang in there" "Distract yourself" Distracting myself doesn't work, these ideas come back, which must mean they are real. i hope an invisible soldier hasn't snuck in the house.
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I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#17
Jun 07, 2007, 09:35 PM
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you have more than gleaming swords and shiny shields phil you have an army of supporters behind you.
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#18
Jun 08, 2007, 08:59 AM
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Probably time to call 911...don't you think?
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Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#19
Jun 08, 2007, 12:00 PM
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That's too extreme. My pdoc and I will have another chat. If he doesn't put me in the hospital then, I'll consider 911. I need to get away from Satan.
__________________
I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#20
Jun 08, 2007, 12:05 PM
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Ok then just go to the Emergency room - sounds like you already are thinking hospital - why wait for his call?
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Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#21
Jun 08, 2007, 01:19 PM
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My parents would never go for it. They'd just increase my meds.
__________________
I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#22
Jun 08, 2007, 01:35 PM
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I think in your bio you mention being 13...
I know that if my child came to me and said I think I need to go to the hospital...we'd be going... Why would you think they "wouldn't go for it"? Do they not really understand what's going on?
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Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#23
Jun 08, 2007, 02:26 PM
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i think direction has given you some good advice. dont wait for pdoc. ask parents to take you to ER. you need the help now. you dont need to wait. sending healing thoughts your way and i hope you get to the ER soon.
recluse1 |
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#24
Jun 08, 2007, 03:21 PM
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I haven't really told them what's going on. They'll yell at me. Even if Scott didn't, they would NEVER take me to the hospital. I have to put on a mask of wellness when around them.
__________________
I'm the Crazy Cub of the Bipolar Bear. 60 mg. Geodon 3 mg. Invega 30 mg. Prozac |
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#25
Jun 08, 2007, 03:33 PM
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((((((phil)))))))
I think Direction is right....you really do need to go to the hospital. I hope you will listen and take his advice. They are there to help you. Take care Phil, Snow
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SNOWFLAKE |
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