[andeerea]

It's almost Christmas and each these times come, it gets to me it depresses me.. One would never know how lonely I truly am inside because I show the complete opposite of how I feel. People call me crazy and overly happy and hyper but it's all a mask of my loneliness. One would never really know what alone truly means if they have friends, family and someone in their lives, sadly, some people fail to appreciate what they have but for people like me, who has no one but a successful career, I feel empty inside. I don't like talking to people about how I feel because one - I don't want to drag anyone into sadness because I know how that feels, 2nd I'm very independent and do not want anyone's help, a little too proud, in which, I accept as one of my greatest flaws. I feel blessed in some other aspects of life and for that I'm forever grateful to God, I have good career, good education, financially independent and physically attractive (sorry I'm not being egotistic or boastful but at least in this aspect I feel blessed). Having said all, I wasn't blessed with a normal family. I grew up without a mom and a dad who was never around, basically, with housemaids. Back then, I used to hate my life because I wasn't normal kid. I didn't have friends at all, I was a complete nerd and have never done what most teenagers or kids too.I was way too by the book. I isolated myself from everyone because I didn't want to be reminded of what I'm missing in my life - a loving a caring family. As I grew up, I have learned to accept things, and for things that I don't have and can never have. For this reason, I have learned to be independent and not rely on anyone but myself -- alone but content in some ways. I have to say though, that time after time, I'll feel like a poop being alone and lonely, I just cry in my sleep and feel a better to move on the next day. This has been my routine, to analyze my feelings and console myself. But each time Christmas comes, it depresses me because it reminds of that things that I desire and the one thing I can never have - to have a Christmas with my own family - a loving, caring mom & dad. As I have said, I have learned to deal with things on my own, for this reason, I have turned off all my social network accounts for the time being. I bury myself from working, even at home, just to get myself out of thinking about these things but somehow, it still gets to me. I don't think this sadness and emptiness will ever go away. I don't know how to make them go away.. Someone had told me to perhaps let someone in my life, maybe date some guy but I am too afraid to get out my security blanket. I am in pain and loneliness all my life and being hurt by someone, and giving my heart to some1 is something I can't do. I am too protective of myself, resulting me to my own sadness. Why am I writing this? I could say that I need an outlet and perhaps to let people know to appreciate what they have in life, whether their families are out of town or out of country - the fact that they have one is a blessing Be happy for what you guys have because you will never know how it feels like to be the shoes of people like me. I am hopeful, that one day, this loneliness will somewhat be lessened and I keep telling myself that I will heal myself and just continue to make the people around me happy because I would never ever want anyone else to feel how I feel, it's beyond sadness and loneliness. It is true what they say, the things that matter the most are the ones you can never buy or rent. Somehow, I thought of renting a family for Christmas, a bit pathetic, but I'd be fooling just myself... I am a lonely pooooop

[OneInBillions]

I hear you. The loneliness stings particularly acutely this time of year. All the pretty lights and festive atmosphere and talk of love and peace... Somehow it pierces straight to the core, right?

Still, you say you have a good education, a successful career, financial independence and physical attractiveness. Those are very good things -- all of which I lack! Oh man, what I wouldn't give for a successful career and financial independence! Though I'm 31, I still live in my parents' basement and depend on them for everything. Oh, and I'm ugly to boot

We've all got our challenges and troubles -- some more than others. So I think you should take your own advice and be happy for what you have! And realize that you are certainly not alone in your loneliness and depression.

This may sound cheesy btut what about volunteering somewhere for Christmas day? Is there anyone else you know of that will be alone - maybe you two can check out a movie Christmas Day. I realize I'm grasping at straws here but I just want to point out that you need not necessarily be alone.

You are right to consider yourself fortunate but that doesn't make your depression less valid.

[guiltier65]

As others have said, this is a rough time of year. I, too, struggle with loneliness of the season. It is hard. I know that you said that you are a little proud, I get it. I am always fighting to keep the mask in place to make sure that everyone else has what they need to make the holidays bright and cheery. But I respect the fact you shared your thoughts and loneliness with us on the Forum. As you can tell, you are not alone. Keep reaching out and reaching up.

[andeerea]

Originally Posted by OneInBillions

I hear you. The loneliness stings particularly acutely this time of year. All the pretty lights and festive atmosphere and talk of love and peace... Somehow it pierces straight to the core, right?

Still, you say you have a good education, a successful career, financial independence and physical attractiveness. Those are very good things -- all of which I lack! Oh man, what I wouldn't give for a successful career and financial independence! Though I'm 31, I still live in my parents' basement and depend on them for everything. Oh, and I'm ugly to boot

We've all got our challenges and troubles -- some more than others. So I think you should take your own advice and be happy for what you have! And realize that you are certainly not alone in your loneliness and depression.

It's never to late to start anything I have started literally from nothing as in ZERO, no parents here and no family to rely on. You have to remember that you will need to start somewhere. I started out retail, making almost nothing, took a student loan, went to school while working. I finished my BS degree and I had to continue school because I couldn't afford to pay student loan after I graduated so that resulted to going to graduate school - more student loan debt while still working. Then, I saved up some money and started my own side business to help pay for my student loan. I fortunately landed my first IT job, then, got another job at a university for 2nd job - so technically, I have 3 jobs. It is definitely hard and hard work but my weaknesses and lack of having anyone FORCED me to do these things, I think of them as the vitamins that strengthened me from going through anything. Believe, there are days where I feel very exhausted and get sad, but like I said from earlier post, I console and heal myself and perhaps you should try that? Remember, at the end of the day, only you and you can save yourself from all these obstacles. In some ways, I am glad for what my past, the loneliness and lack of being loved and cared for made me into such a strong individual - sure I do get depress at times esp w/ Holidays but I try to look at the good things in my life Remember, its NEVER too late BUT only you can help yourself, take it from me, its hard hard work and there would be times, you'd want to give up but always be positive and look at the blessings you have and keep going no matter what

[andeerea]

Originally Posted by rcat

This may sound cheesy btut what about volunteering somewhere for Christmas day? Is there anyone else you know of that will be alone - maybe you two can check out a movie Christmas Day. I realize I'm grasping at straws here but I just want to point out that you need not necessarily be alone.

You are right to consider yourself fortunate but that doesn't make your depression less valid.

Thank you for the advice I'm actually doing that. I will be going to home for the elders and will be singing for them. I feel that the elders are also some of the ones who are neglected so I'll be singing my heart out and be their clown this Christmas

[OneInBillions]

Originally Posted by andeerea

It's never to late to start anything I have started literally from nothing as in ZERO, no parents here and no family to rely on. You have to remember that you will need to start somewhere. I started out retail, making almost nothing, took a student loan, went to school while working. I finished my BS degree and I had to continue school because I couldn't afford to pay student loan after I graduated so that resulted to going to graduate school - more student loan debt while still working. Then, I saved up some money and started my own side business to help pay for my student loan. I fortunately landed my first IT job, then, got another job at a university for 2nd job - so technically, I have 3 jobs. It is definitely hard and hard work but my weaknesses and lack of having anyone FORCED me to do these things, I think of them as the vitamins that strengthened me from going through anything. Believe, there are days where I feel very exhausted and get sad, but like I said from earlier post, I console and heal myself and perhaps you should try that? Remember, at the end of the day, only you and you can save yourself from all these obstacles. In some ways, I am glad for what my past, the loneliness and lack of being loved and cared for made me into such a strong individual - sure I do get depress at times esp w/ Holidays but I try to look at the good things in my life Remember, its NEVER too late BUT only you can help yourself, take it from me, its hard hard work and there would be times, you'd want to give up but always be positive and look at the blessings you have and keep going no matter what

I think I'm kind of your opposite. I've always had my great, loving and supportive parents. They even paid my way through college, even when I squandered the opportunity and earned a nearly worthless degree. And now they're continuing to support me, even though I'm an "adult" and they're almost ready to retire, and I should be supporting THEM by now -- the guilt is tremendous. I've always spent the holidays with them, except a few times during college while they still lived overseas. I know I'm really lucky to have them, and do love and appreciate them.

But really, they're all I've got and I CONSTANTLY worry about what will happen when they are no longer here. Just having loving and supportive parents doesn't guarantee a happy life, let me assure you. No one has a perfect situation; you'd trade those troubles for others. Terror of people keeps me almost totally isolated, and terror of being judged makes job interviews a living hell. Depression has sapped away all of my confidence and self-esteem. I know full-well that the obstacles are all in my head, that many of my fears are irrational, but that doesn't help when it comes right down to it.

I wonder sometimes if I might be stronger or at least more capable of coping with day-to-day anxiety and stress if my parents hadn't been quite so protective and supportive. I admit, I was a spoiled kid and I think it made me weak. I know it's a terrible thing to think of but... There it is.

[KEB1990]

I know how you feel. I lost my mom this year and the holidays are really hard. What family I do have left other then my dad don't seem to like me do to my sister's lies. Hugs to you and know your not alone.

Christmas is hard for me also. I have spent Christmases alone for many years. I've forgotten what it's like to have that time spent with other people. Fortunately at where I live, I can do all kinds of stuff outside. The weather will be alright unless if it rains. It has rained on Christmas Day before and it was a real drag for me.

[10yrsgone]

This is a very tough time of year. I think many of us "idealize" the holiday season and want it to be exactly as wondrous a season as it was when some of us were younger. That's why it can often seem like it exacerbates our depression if it doesn't live up to the ideas we have for it.

There was a time in 2013 where my "need" for a great Christmas carried me through a really grueling final project at school. Sadly, it never truly felt like one. I took a lot of it for granted. Since then, I've tried my best to immerse myself in those holiday activites and try not to put my mind on trivial stuff...but at times it just isn't the same as it was when I was younger.

Maybe it's one of those "growing up" things...I used to see it as something else when I was younger, and as I've been getting older I've started to like it for other reasons...for me, the joy of getting toys has long since been replaced with the need for greater connection with my family. Some years, I don't receive that as much...my family tends to argue more often around holidays, and only spending a couple hours with family just isn't enough.

And, yeah, I'm single, introverted and not working as much as I'd like in my mid-20's, so that tends to exacerbate things...oh well. I'm still optimistic that I'll be able to enjoy this time a little bit more in the future. But as I said before, this time of the year is really tough.

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by andeerea

Thank you for the advice I'm actually doing that. I will be going to home for the elders and will be singing for them. I feel that the elders are also some of the ones who are neglected so I'll be singing my heart out and be their clown this Christmas

Good for you. I volunteered one year at an elder care facility and it was very rewarding. They so enjoyed the games and singing. It is a shame how many are left alone for the holidays. They need people to care. You are doing a wonderful thing.

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