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#1
Mar 23, 2016, 09:08 AM
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I am so done today. I'm tired, frustrated and just plain depressed. and yet everyone seems to want to hang out with me in the clinic today! I just want to be left alone! I hurt today and can't take a deep breath without wanting to scream. It's been almost 30 days without alcohol and i long for the escape that drinking brings. I haven't showered in 3 days it just takes too much effort. The easter holiday is freaking me out because I have to try and meet everyone's expectations. I just can't do church and a dinner and everything else the day entails. My heart hurts.
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 Clara22, Skeezyks, TishaBuv
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#2
Mar 23, 2016, 10:05 AM
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good progress on the drinking, hang in there!
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#3
Mar 23, 2016, 04:49 PM
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In recovery, always remember YOU come first! It may sound selfish, but sometimes humans have to be selfish for our own wellbeing and everyone we come in contact with as well. How we feel affects not only our actions, but the actions of people in our orbit. ✌ & ❤
Sent from my SM-N915V using Tapatalk |
 guiltier65
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#4
Mar 23, 2016, 07:16 PM
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so sorry...
holidays can definitely make it harder to stay sober... this is one of my weak points... because i need the escape too  just stay safe... becareful... try to be gentle... you know all of that... i stopped caring about peoples expectations... i have to take care of me... but the way i take care of myself isn't the best either so i dunno what to do really just try to do some breathing exercises and try to relax... i dont have a fork here, but i have a spoon  30 days is a long time... that is impressive  
__________________
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| guiltier65
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#5
Mar 23, 2016, 08:04 PM
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is the spoon at least somewhat sharpened?!
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#6
Mar 23, 2016, 09:05 PM
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sorry , warped sense of humor crops up at the darndest times.
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#7
Mar 23, 2016, 09:23 PM
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yeh that happens to me too
 i try to keep humor in things but sometimes it makes even me think twice, like wait a minute.. that wasn't funny! (but the demons might find it humorous) sometimes its hard to see humor at all though .. but i gotta try to keep these demons happy, even if im not happy atleast they wont torment me so bad im a strange one, i call myself conflicted  i think thats why i feel like a fraud sometimes... because im so ... many faces... i cant think of the word i want to use... kind of like im in and out, but i dunno how to explain that either; i disconnect sometimes  i wonder if thats baddont mind me.. i turned my brain off a few hours ago   try to hang in there, i want to say something witty but i cant think right now 
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| guiltier65
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#8
Mar 24, 2016, 09:32 AM
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we are all conflicted. i sometimes feel like a chameleon or a shapeshifter. I change colors or faces or personalities to blend in with my surroundings. I don't even know who i really am anymore.
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#9
Mar 24, 2016, 09:53 AM
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 sorry about last night.. i dunno why that happens to me sometimes(well, alot..)   it sucks living double, or triple lives.. hang in there
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#10
Mar 24, 2016, 09:57 AM
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__________________
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#11
Mar 24, 2016, 10:09 AM
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what are you sorry about? our conversation made me smile. Your comments and encouragement are very helpful. It was a rough evening, my husband refused to let me stay home alone and had me go across the street for my daughter to keep watch over. I felt like even more of a burden than I already am. rough times today, students are extra whiny and i just want to tell them what true pain feels like. I am feeling a little better today, but i am so tired of the battle.
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#12
Mar 24, 2016, 01:12 PM
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well, sometimes im not myself.. and im afraid when im in that state i might hurt someone or say something wrong, i try to be supportive always but i cant really think when im like that... im just watching stuff happen mostly... so after i wake up from it i feel a little embarrassed because i dont really behave like that normally...
it makes me feel crazy im really glad that it was good though, i wouldn't forgive myself if i hurt any of you kids can be a bit self absorbed - they haven't really developed that part of them that empathizes with others i think..? its annoying but i guess nothing really we can do about it besides maybe read them some stories that are appropriate for their age that hint on the empathy stuff? im tired too, i hate it   i try to read as much as i can and educate myself on things... i probably obsess a little much... but i just wish i could figure out some way to make it better, to make everyone better hang in there  maybe soon one of us will figure it out
__________________
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| guiltier65
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| guiltier65
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