confessions of little turtle

i am not sure of anything...tell me more

Being a pain management patient the first thing we are taught is comparisons of pain is not apples to apples, nor is suffering , wherever you are in your journey,the fact that you are suffering or have suffered is one universal thing , no one should suffer, period.

We as a human race are far to quick to bail out on our brothers or sisters when they are suffering with something, be it MI or a physical disorder, instead of questioning how much turtle is suffering, lend a hand or an ear , be supportive and kind and loving , as a species if we put more thought into caring for others when they suffer, or feel weak , or have a bad day, the status quo of asking someone how they are , when your really not listening to the answer has to go, care for your fellow man and listen instead of everyone saying "fine" and moving on , make sure that person is fine, today or tommorow might be great but eventually things will come around and not be so great, the life you save maybe your own one Day! Simply talking to one another can build a lot of bridges, and can be a support of us all, no house or bridge can stand without a foundation so let's be there for Turtle and be a foundation for him to stand , he has important things to say, that need to be heard by others, you may get some insight and wisdom from turtle , swim in the pool of knowledge because no man or woman is an island , unless you have built a moat in which case it's time for a bridge to cross that moat. I will get off my soap box now.

Misterpain

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what a strange experience having a mental illness....I think mine was a reaction to the world I saw out there....I did not like what I experienced...the world was ugly...I didn't want to be a part of that ugliness...I didn't want to be associated with hateful greedy people....so now my friends are those who are mentally ill ....it is a kinder gentler group of broken people...they are my good friends....I don't want to be out there with the so called normal people....I don't like the competition...I feel very humbled right now...

I just now looked at u-tubes by dr William glasser......I like what he says...I am not sure about him but I think he is on the right track for dealing with depression....he is an old board certified psychiatrist

saturday confession.....I am on 10mg celexa each day and I cant get off of it...I have tried very slowly... and eventually I have a return of severe anxiety...

Do the benefits of the Celexa outweigh the side affects? Seems like it is helping with your anxiety. That's a good thing! I stopped all my meds about 4 months ago because none of it appeared to be helping. Coming off the klonopin was the worst but at this point I don't really feel any different than I ever have. I don't know, why does this have to be so difficult?

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My T doesn't believe in meds and after working really hard i am nearly anxiety free now. Sadly the trick is to allow it. It's very hard not to have anxiety over anxiety, but if you allow it to happen it slowly goes away. It takes time. Lots of time. Each attack I try to imagine myself floating in a river. It may be a bit rocky hear and there, but then the calm spots always come. The more you allow it, the more calm spots.

I think I am ready to cut my dose of celexa to 5 mg each day....I don't like taking that stuff...

Anxiety over anxiety is like a dog chasing it's tail, it never caches it and is always so close but yet so far away. The biggest wake up anyone can have is that the whole society is capitalist, some one out there is getting rich by keeping you sick, just the way everyone's chasing the latest toy, cell phone, make-up, tablet, camera, automobile etc... don't play the game and let others profit over your misery, save your money for something rewarding that will last, technology and med's are the same rip off you pay a fortune for the latest thing but before you leave the store the next thing that makes yours obsolete Is waiting. I hate to go all Nancy Reagan but just say No! We lived thousands of years on earth without the big pharma companies lining there pockets with greed and unkempt promises of things that rarely materialize, and this poly pharmacy crap, take one pill for X , and another pill or two for the side effects of the first pill, that's licensed government approved lunacy, don't we mean more than that to ourselves. And one more thought if today was not the best of days and truly inspirational for you , Try missing one, and you'll see every day as the best, my motto is quality not quantity, I have a couple of rare diseases that are gonna kill me , so I don't have time (quantity) so I make everything as quality as possible, be it interactions with others or just the way I approach things, you can't make everyone happy no matter what you do or say , so focus on the one that should matter most YOU!.

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This is what I found when trying to come off the Paxil

(I did eventually successfully come off it)

(But now my body will not tolerate Paxil or any of the SSRIs etc etc grrrr)

Good luck with tapering off the celexa

Generally with most psyche med's they can work great when you take them ,but take a med vacation or any number of prescription screw ups and second time around people more often then not either don't respond or don't tolerate Re introduction, but the fleecing of your pocket or insurance goes on , for every drug that fails in a patient that's still a win to big drug makers, and they will continue to have an endless array of other ones for you to try. Look at the commercials on insomnia last year sponsored by Merck, my first thought was they don't have a hypnotic , sure enough six months later out pops Belsomra ( suvorexant) these companies don't make public service commercials during prime time because they care , they do it to introduce there drug ( I will say I love the wake and sleep cats in that commercial though, there marketing guys get a big thumbs up for originality ) , when I got accepted to medical school my Late Mom saw trouble coming and invited every doctor on the planet to the house that she new, to talk sense into me, which was a double edge sword, I turned it down because everyone told me if you enjoy patient care stay in the street, if you want to deal with a insurance and burecratic log jam of paperwork go to school, so I stayed a Paramedic and study medicine for "fun", never imagining a set of rare diseases was going to consume me and end my career extremely prematurely, if I had of become a Physician this wheelchair would not be an obstacle,I try not to look back at those moments using what I know now, because it just will bring heartache , our little turtle is going thru that now, an evaluation of his overall life and finding he has regrets that he needs a safe place for, I went thru this just over three years ago, to my benefit all of my closest friends are Psychologists or in the mental health field somewhere and I had them to lean on, I have done the personal work on my self already because I am 48 and not expected to see fifty ( my body has tried though , its latest was a stroke,not very impressive when you consider I am already in a wheelchair and type using one thumb,it should try harder to kill me) our little turtle has seniority on me , but I certainly can connect with where he is at, the personal cleansing that we need to do ( in the service they would call us short timers, the guys that are just days or hours away from rotation home, the guys that you don't send out to lead a patrol and catch a stray round, freak accidents have our name on them) I am and we are here for you turtle, we may not be doing the same thing but the issues are similar, my biggest regret was not speaking my mind, it's not a regret anymore because I am living my second chance, and I seldom shut up ( you might have noticed I am the "mouthiest" in the room) I have about 16 or so community's I tend to , in some I am a mentor and resource for new people , and some I am just one of the crowd my hobbies are radios, computers, lights and electronic engineering,and an overall gear head, love my old cars, I bet you had already figured some of those out all old Fireman and Medic's love there lights, like volunteer Guys I used to know you had to ask "does that car go faster when the lights are on" , if you remember the early Datsuns ( now Nissan is there brand) they were God awfull cars , kinda like Yugos but not as pathetic. I take Remeron(mirtazapine) it is the only stuff I am not allergic to.

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thank you misterpain....I think we all need to get together and take care of our mental health without using doctors....we need to do recovery without getting in the system...
we need to help ourselves and each other....this whole psychiatry system is sick...we need to move toward happiness not just getting by...if we need drugs we can always get them from a general prac. person....I have a mental illness....but i bet there are a lot of people out there just dealing with seriously not being happy with life...I just don't know

I am thinking that we need to get in support groups of different kinds...where no $$$$$$$$$$$ is involved....and no developing into something too big...because when that happens people start looking for fame...fame and fortune....the two big killers of help for the individual person...I want and need help but I don't want some authority telling me which way to go....I want friends helping friends...

I agree, we need to at least aim towards happiness or contentment, not just getting by, "coping" or any of the bs the grandiose psychiatrists (IRL) (or incompetent GP's ) judge in their ivory towers

Well the psychiatric field itself is suspect to me, simply because it has never practiced evidence based medicine , which is the requirement for every other specialty in medicine, the entire DSM is composed by wealthy fat cat psychiatrists voting weather something is or is not a mental illness, in between getting drunk on a big vacation junket, now this is the definition of "crazy" in my book, look how long Homesexuality stayed on the list of mental disorders, it makes no sense, and it is not your everyday in the trenches psychiatrists that see patients all day everyday, it's alot of university research types, who have not in most cases seen a patient in years if ever, Doctors like turtle who see patients don't have the time or funds available to go on junkets and decide what's "normal", if they even had a clue what "normal" is , we are a diverse species sure our bones are pretty much the same but everything else is different, from cradle to grave we are different even identical twins are unique, cancers are similar but no two respond the same way, I lost my Mom to breast cancer just as many people have because radical mastectomy and radiation does not always work, promising things coming from places like children's Hospital killing Glioblastoma with a re-engineered polio virus , small pox or even HIV hold great promise( Glioblastoma is one of the most aggressive cancers known to man, most people once diagnosed usually survive about 11 months) they have people that are now multi year survivors cancer free , and many people are not familiar with the work of the late John Kanzius who was a broadcast engineer and ham radio operator who has two very promising discoveries one is a method of killing cancer with radio waves , it does not harm normal healthy tissue but gets the cancer dead , so far they have killed like 33 different cancers in the lab and it will hopefully be moving to human trials in the next 5 years, in the best tradition of ham radio we agree that anything we discover when enjoying our hobby belongs to all man , owned by and for the public good, John himself died of cancer but made sure his work could not be purchased by any company for any amount of money ever, so that if it shows in human trials to work as effectively as it has in the lab, it will be an affordable cure for those that need it not something owned by a big bloated for profit company who only let those with money have access, John was from PA and raised alot of money locally to fund research in the lab and the beginning of human trials. He also discovered a method of renewable energy that is fascinating to see imagine a test tube filled with salt water when the radio is turned on at the right frequency you can "burn" the salt from the water using an ordinary paper towel as a wick, the cool thing is it makes energy and clean water at the same time and all though the paper towel "burns" well the radio is on , when it's turned off the paper towel is alive and well and just wet with no damage to it, and again this is owned by every person like you and me ,not a government or company. This is a fine example of what turtle was talking about people helping people not for money or glory but because it needs done , if we all looked out for our brothers and sisters in this way we would not need organized support groups because it would all ready be being done the good old fashioned way.
People think money is wealth, being rich is everyone's goal when in fact the greatest wealth and the richest people are those that remove themselves from money as much as possible , I have the privlege of knowing many people who society looks down on because they are borderline homeless,or who eat at a soup kitchen, but they have the purest of hearts and a vast knowledge of many things, things that only the school of life has taught them, And if you honestly look at what money is (other than the root of evil) it all boils down to the oldest monetary system known to man, bartering , and for all who answered prostitution get your mind out of the gutter and thanks for playing, trying again. Peace

Misterpain

True healing and recovery starts within each person and involves getting each one of us back to our highest level of function , that's "normal", doing our best what ever that may be.
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the DSM....was always a big big problem for me....I didn't really use it...
it seemed inhuman to me...I want to be HUMAN

another confession....at my favorite clinic....they didn't want me anymore after 20 years...that really hurt my feelings...
one of the issues...I would not see patients every 15 minutes...

I agree.. The DSM seemed (and seems) very inhuman to me

the clinics wanted me to prescribe drugs....not talk....and do it fast

I don't think it's the psychiatry, psychology, etc that you should suspect...it's the insurance companies, the leaders, and all that bureaucracy that involves our mental health system. Although, there will always be those bad apples, as there are in every group, that want to diagnose everyone they meet and medicate everything under the sun. However, that is not the norm. There are many of us that do not want to diagnose everyone after only one visit with some DSM-V code. But we have to, for billing purpose. For insurance. Insurance companies force us to put everyone in a box, and check it. It's beyond frustrating because you cannot get an accurate picture of who the person is after only an hour. You cannot know them, their illness after only an hour. And to have to label them, after such a short time...it is inhuman. But that is not the DSM-V's fault. The DSM was only created to help, and the information placed in it is based on research and theory. I do think that grows so much with our human need to label everything, to put everyone into an identifiable category. Especially when it involves something abnormal. We've always done this. The reason this field is so 'less time to talk, more drugs, more diagnoses' lately is not because we want it that way. It's because of the standards that are constantly being tossed down to us. The quick-fixes that the government/insurances expect so that they don't have to pay for it. Our mental health system needs an overhaul.
I don't blame the people that do this. It's not why they do this. I know it's not why I got into this field. It's the big dogs. It's the people that turned this field into a business.

Well if you pre write prescriptions for the most common flavors of med's and leave the name off, 15 minutes is long enough to say hello, your sick, you need today's wonder drug, what is your name, oh and how long have I been treating you, done, next....

Yes Governments an insurance want to speed up the consults , limit the cross talk that allows you to get the insight on what makes patient A unique and then does not want to pay you for the time.

I know when I was a boy in the orphanage the way I went about things determined my ultimate fulfillment of my needs , as well as others around me.
When you first go there the Psychologists are supposed to see you once and diagnose any an everything about you and never deal with you again, just as long as they could compare you against the norm , rate you and fill in all of the boxes on there paperwork, all was right in the world.

I would not do the MMPI, or tell them what I saw in the ink blots or TMS, I said if you want to know this get to know Me! want to see my imagination get a blanket and we will lay in the grass and cloud watch, but you have to bring lunch I like chicken salad on sourdough with red grapes,no one had ever been as openly obstructive to their work, clearly I presented a challenge that they could have the information but they had to get It by engaging with me on a human level. The Psychologist that had to do this enjoyed my company and immediately became overly invested in my welfare, we started going cloud watching and to the theatre and festivals of all sorts , cultural normal stuff, and then because it was an orphanage and it's chief purpose was to provide the basic of what was needed and little else to sustain life this Psychologist began doing for me the unusual stuff like a king me shopping ( I hated kids clothes, would much rather wear a shirt and tie , and business dress wingtip shoes instead of sneakers) so Linda began buying me clothes and shoes that I enjoyed, and we became really good friends and her boss one day asked her why she was doing all this, and Linda said at first it was so she could do her paperwork and move along , but now she liked me and liked seeing me do things and exposing me to new stuff and watching me grow , so her boss said bring this kid over and let me met him and see if I can get him to "perform" for the paperwork, the answer was a big no, but she became as invested as Linda was. All the other kids thought I was really abnormal because everyone else spent one visit with the Psychologists and never heard from them again, but everyday I was being called over to the Psychologists offices and spent the whole day and evening there, I tried explaining I was fine, but kids being kids they thought I was "crazy" right up to the day I was told to pack my stuff, the other kids asked me where I was going and I said the "Doctor that needed a doctor"( as they called my Mom) was adopting me, I spent a year there with them getting to know and love me, exercising my individuality and proving to the county that had my custody , that I was not another bastard kid who was sent to an orphanage to age out of the system with no life skills or hope of becoming anything and being a chronic welfare recipient, all I was and all I needed was love, that needed a parent to care about them, I found that in my Mom and Linda, my Mom was forced to resign as the head Psychologist in order to take me home, she worked there for 16 years making $80,000 a year, had just bought 5 acres and 2 houses but was willing to reinvent herself and find a different job in order to give a kid a home, she told me just before she died that when she was 11 her own Mom told her about growing up in an orphanage in Europe and what horrible places they were, and my Mom told her Mom some day she will adopt a kid to honor the time her mother spent in an orphanage, I was fulfillment of that promise, she had spent years looking for the right child , I was that right child , and was given a promising future by that chance encounter, the entire result was a family that was stronger than any ten biological families, nobody that new my Mom and I could believe that I was anything but her son and she my Mom, and people came from as far away as South Africa and Israel to attend her memorial service, she had gone on to found a not for profit charity 501 (C) 3 that is still going strong, and a land and nature preserve as well as an international training program for Psychologists and Sociologists , she is also credited with starting one of the nation's first outreach programs in the nation for people with HIV, She ultimately did lose her job to take me home ,but her reinvention of herself was incredible, she was not rich financially but certainly enriched those who where blessed with knowing her.

This is where I say Psychology and Psychiatry are completely different, one is people helping people and the other a very much for profit business run by governments and insurance companies as dictated by big pharma that ruins people like turtle who enter to make a diffrence and instead are made different, who then have to examine how something went so wrong when there hearts and intentions are hijacked from helping people to helping the pharma companies to make outrageous profits without giving people a real benefit.

Misterpain

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I am here to get help and give help....I want to learn whatever I can about depression....
I am not sure about depression being caused by brain inflammation...
are the general doctors and the psychiatrists talking about this with patients[us]..
do anti-depressants help with brain inflammation...
is there such a thing as brain inflammation causing depression...
I just don't know....but I want to know...

I have a lot to learn...

my greatest source of stress is my marriage....I am not happy with my marriage..

Presonally, I think it can come from a variety of factors. And I've seen that in my work. For some, it could be something biological. That element of misfiring neurotransmitters and the brain. Others, it's a mixture of neurological and environmental factors, genetics...I guess it depends on who you talk to.
The different types of antidepressants are meant to increase/block our neurotransmitters. Specifically the ones that can influence depression. I don't think depression medications can ever cure by themselves, and shouldn't be used as such. I suppose they are simply to 'take the edge off'.