confessions of little turtle

The one thing I want more than anything is to know I'm not a monster, a thing, an it. I just want to be able to talk and feel and be, but it's against the rules. I'm sad, I feel intrinsically wrong. I don't think there is anything that can be done. It just is.
Hugz to you Thanks for listening and sharing.

oh brazenapogee-----why is it against the rules to talk and feel and be...
I find it very scary talking and feeling and just being me....

i would like to throw the dsm 5 in the trash can...

hee hee...this is funny

It's funny and also true, I also would love to do this

i do not trust the American psychiatric association....
i do not trust the drug companies...
and i am skeptical of what they say and sell...
i am a doctor with a mental illness...
i am giving myself a badge for being a medical doctor ...
and a badge for having a mental illness..

I just want to cry...I feel so sorry for all my friends who have suffered
because of drug company deceit and cheating...

I just looked back at one of the lawsuits that involved eli lilly...
it was reported in nbc health news 1-15-2009...
[eli lilly settles zyprexa lawsuit for $1.42 billion dollars]
[drugmaker pleads guilty to illegally marketing drug for unapproved use]

a big confession.....I am finding out at age 85 that I don't understand much about how people are healed.....I know we have psychotherapy and drug therapy and religion and all kinds of therapy....but what does it take to feel good again...I just don't know....we don't seem to be making much headway for us depressed persons..

I am having a very hard time forgiving myself...very hard

((((((((( little turtle )))))))))

I think you're cool. And I wish I had had a doctor more like you especially when I was a young newlywed who saw a series of incredibly uncaring doctors. (One in particular, who seemed OK at first, so stupid me I tried to talk to that doctor I wish I had the skills then that I have now to put them in their place and not to internalise their cruel words

i was never cruel...but i didn't speak up sometimes....about the cruelty i saw at the clinics...and i was weakened by my depression...

Well... I think you deserve massive kudos for telling the truth about this cruelty by "professionals" who, surely, should know better

Inevitably the truth tellers will make some enemies..

I haven't found many doctors IRL to be truthful, those who were, were also harmful to me

Thanks for this thread, Little Turtle.

My long-time psychiatrist recently retired. He sometimes would complain how the medical bureaucracy to which he belonged simply would not allow him to do the best for his too-many patients. I think he felt it was beyond reform.
How true!

thanks rohag....sounds like you had a good psychiatrist

I would love it if ANYONE in the uk would post about how they have had a good psychiatrist like this
But at this point I'm not even sure if I'd believe they were telling the truth

interesting question fuzzy...a good psychiatrist...
what in the world is going on...what would rohags psychiatrist say...

Hmmm... What would my long-time, recently retired psychiatrist say? I speculate he would say he tried to be a good psychiatrist, that he tried to do the best for his patients given the constraints of knowledge and resources.

I can say with me he was honest. I don't believe he ever lied to me, though I strongly suspect, given how busy he was and his longevity in the profession, he was not fully up on the latest developments. He did not try to push any particular form of treatment, but he was "married" to providing antidepressant medications. Interestingly, he advised me not to seek inpatient treatment in his system because, in his words, "It would not be therapeutic for me."

After years of care I'm still depressed. I ceased participating in society years ago. Could a "good" psychiatrist have "cured" me? My case is complicated by other health problems. A "medical psychologist" told me my case was akin to "chronic pain" and required analogous management. I think my old pdoc did that pretty well, I think.

sounds like you had a good pdoc....my best pdoc died when I needed him most...he was a good father for me...

my woman psychotherapist was really good...she cared about me...but it became clear that I was going to have to do my curing...she couldn't do that..

If they don't care they can do nothing useful, and only harm

There must be something "wrong" with me or the "system" as I have not found any doctors or therapists who genuinely care IRL

dear little turtle, why didn't you trust your parents? you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

terryl---I would like to answer...I am not sure about it...

I have another confession to make from my life....there was tremendous pressure from the administration to run all patients who were seeing a psychiatrist for 15 minute appointments....this worsened MY depression...I was seeing my psychiatrist for 45 minutes....and that wasn't enough sometimes....and the higher ups felt I wasn't doing my job....I was hurt by this because I felt I was following my medical profession BY NOT just giving a drug and not understanding why a patient was hurting so much emotionally...

I am personally offended when someone says one of my threads is NOT SUPPORTIVE...
I have spent my whole life trying to save people from the hell holes of mental illness..
this is my current confession from a doctor with a mental illness..

I would definitely have been helped if a doctor (IRL) had taken the time to listen and try to understand...

Little turtle

I thank you for this thread.
You're saying things that i always thought, that i knew.
I have been abused in different ways since i was 3.
I been on meds since i was 16. Off for a bit but mostly on. I became a mom at 15 and again at 19.
I am now 32 taking lots of meds with a great therapist and a psychiatrist that sees me for maybe 10 min. But he's recommended... Sigh.
I been on ssdi for 7 years. list of diagnosis just keeps growing and right now I'm doing bad.
I did well sometimes. Worked. School.
I tried. I am just loosing hope that i will ever be a valuable member of society.
I wanted to go into health care. I really want to be a therapist.

I'm angry. I'm sad. I don't want to live. I live for my kids. That's it.

Just why..
I cry pathetically asking why why why.
Why the abuse why am i not getting better why am i bothering with these pills. Why.

I read through these threads and my heart aches for all of you. Us.

I just wanted to share.