confessions of little turtle

It is that, and so much more. If a person without any psy problems finds out, or knows a person has any, that person is treated like they have the plague. I don't tell people I know about my issues. The only person who I trust is my husband. He has been through hell, and back with me. My oldest brother has been living with us for about 3 years now, he is one of my triggers, but he doesn't know about my issues, and I have no intention on telling him anything.

is it our fault that we have a mental illness...
are we bad people...

Maybe it is like this- are we making decisions that help make things better, or are our choices making the illness worse?

No no no

I know it's not our fault. I am going thru a very bad phase like you went a long time back. I am telling myself that if you survived I will survive too and get better and be well once again. I need hugs from you little turtle, fuzzy and the rest of you.

Little turtle,
You are my source of inspiration. I keep telling myself that you survived so I will survive too. I am going through a very rough phase recently that is crippling me. Even bathing and brushing teeth at night seem like a problem and I cant do them. There are times when my limbs feel so heavy that I can't move and have to lie in bed. And I feel unrefreshed even after 10hrs of sleep at night. Apart from these, panic attacks - as if somebody is twisting my chest and its veins and arteries. Did you have the same kind of experience?

desiree ---the panic attacks were unreal...it was like a seizure...
you need lots of hugs now...

I have to confess something. My doc put me on lamotrigine as mood stabilizer and I thought that it was getting me angry so I stopped taking it. Then my depression increased. Maybe lamotrigine helps fight depression. So I will take it again from today. What would you advise?

I am sorry you are struggling. You can do this. (((Hugs)))
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

desiree---I worry about side effects

I can completely understand that the panic attacks were unreal and that they are unreal for me too. Thanks for being there for me.
Btw I got a new online bf. We met in psychcentral. He lives in AZ. I am going to visit him on tourist visa next yr in fall. We may marry later too. So at least I have some hope.
Are you happy for me?

desiree yes

I don't have rashes from taking lamotrigine. The only side-effect I may have is that I may get aggressive from lamotrigine. But I researched on the net and found that lamotrigine reduces depression too. So it may help in my present severe depression.

My psychiatrist is planning to put me on lamotrigine 200mg - 100mg twice daily and clonazepam 0.25mg at noon and 0.5mg at night for the panic attacks and do away with risperidone. He is afraid to put me on an anti-depressant for fear that it may get me aggressive. I have my pdoc appo tmrw aft so I can tell you more my tmrw eve.

But I need your advice. I feel confident if you advise me.

No, No, No,!!!!!!!

I can advise you right now....the psych meds can be helpful...but the psych meds can be harmful...they can be help and harm at the same time..be very very careful what you are doing with these meds...the doctor is not taking these meds you are...and the meds only can do a certain amount for you...your online bf may be helpful for you..

no no no...

but I still feel like I did something wrong...I tend to blame myself...it is a problem for me...

I am learning to not blame my self, for someone else's issues. You tried to help people the best way you could. It isn't your fault that some of the people you tried to help were not able to get fixed. Some people's issues may never be able to be corrected, and that doesn't belong to you. None of us are god, and none of us have control of anyone else but our selves. You should be proud of the people that you were able to get through to. All of us with MI know how difficult each of us can be, and if we are honest with our selves we know that we decide if we will accept the help that is offered to us. My thoughts, and prayers go out to you, to help you with your battle with your self. Also if you are interested, I made a large comment to the post of Letter to Mom, and Dad. It will explain a lot about me.

omg...I read your comment...I want to stay connected with you...

Happy New Year Little Turtle!

thank you so much hopingtrying...

happy new year to all my friends...you have been so very kind to me...love for you from me...

We are working on it, so far we have found each others quotes, and try to reply to them. I would consider that being connected. BTW I have a thing about 7s maybe a little ocd. lol

I thought you making that large comment was something spectacular..maybe even 7777777777777777777777777777777777

now we need to know who is going to get on the fuzzy bus....fuzzy could be our leader...what do you think....

can part of the bus be for those that "screwed up"...
another for those that "got screwed"....
there will be other sections...

this world is so screwed up its a wonder that anyone is happy...