Daily Check In, ups and downs #18

Not much of a day today. Very warm outside. Just stayed in for most of the day. I went out to pick up something for lunch and had a smog check on my car. The smog check did not take very long to do.

My friend didn't come to visit me today. I was very disappointed in that. I guess it was too hot for him to come my way. He can't drive and it's a bit of a burden for him to come my way. I got thinking how scary it can be if I was housebound someday and no one will be able to come my way.

We talked on the phone but that's it. I preferred to have had him here. I wish I had another friend, but making friends is so hard.

I feel pretty out of it lately. I don't know if it's due to meds or just the fact this depression has gone on so long. I do things without even remembering an hour or so later. I have to write everything down that I have to do each day or I forget. When people talk to me and ask me questions it takes a good few seconds to register in my brain and then a few more seconds while I try to think of a response. Everyday things that you don't normally even think about are such hard work now. I'm sure my brain used to be better than this...

Yes, it sounds like what I've been going through lately, with my cognitive problems. I have to type everything on my phone or I will forget it. And even that isn't 100%. I'm forgetting everything.

feelings of agoraphobia today.

summer day and all

and something going on nearby that triggered it... didn't help how i felt for most of the day

I slept until 4pm. I hate when I do that. I took my sleep stuff very late so what could I expect? Really unhappy with myself.

Still haven't packed a single thing today. Haven't done a single thing today. I can't keep doing this. Hate myself.

It's not your fault.

Not depressed today!!!

I'm not interested in anything or in seeing anyone today.

I woke up to some horrible news today. A famous female internet celebrity in Pakistan got murdered by her own brother for posting provocative videos on social media in the name of 'honor'. It's disgusting, brutal, and something that I'm having a difficult time getting over. I thought about it the whole day. I felt unsafe. I still do. Pakistan really needs some laws in place for the protection of women.

A busy day today. After I had done my shopping and cleaning, my friend came over. He was a bit late at getting to my area. He had missed a bus after getting off the trolley and had to wait for almost an hour. But that's the way it goes when he comes to see me. That's why it's hard for him to come to my place. Also he befriended a young couple from Turkey. He offered them half a sandwich that he had and gave them his phone number if they want to get together. It seems like stuff like that never happens to me and I wish it would.

It was nice having him over. But now I feel bored. I didn't get a movie for myself tonight like I usually do.

I have been royally deceived....royally made a fool of. I trusted the WRONG PEOPLE. I trusted the WORST OF THE WORST. I talked to some of these people everyday and had no clue they would be "out to destroy me". NO CLUE.

Now I know but it is too late. THEY DESTROYED ME AND LOOKED THE OTHER WAY. THEY EVEN LAUGHED AT MY TEARS.

They TOOK FROM MY LIFE. THEY USED ME FOR ENTERTAINMENT. "MY T" used me to get another client, used her to get hooked up and plans to use her again for another "hook up". He can't get enough.

NEVER FORGET...NEVER TRUST....NEVER BE NICE TO ANYONE BECAUSE THEY WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE BACK.

Depression is not really that bad today. Other issues are but not depression. I'll take what I can get.

I am doing pretty well and can't complain, i have had the last week of work off so my stress level has been way down, i return to work on Wednesday

I'm tired but anxious. I'm not sure that my mind will switch off tonight to allow sleep.

I slept all day again. When I woke a little while ago, I learned that one of my favorite artists has died. It's so sad. He was closer to my mother's age than to mine.

An alright kind of day for me. I went to the church that's next door to where I live. It's alright but I don't know if I want to continue to go there. It's not very exciting.

Went on a two-hour bike ride. It was pretty hot outside. Had some anxiety riding as I worried that I would get a flat tire - like I always do. The riding all went well.

I feel broken. Can't stop crying. He just left me for dead. How can people be so cold??
I hurt so much i want to die.

I can't take much more

And now, my kitchen sink is completely backed up. It would have overflowed if I hadn't noticed it. I'm trying to bail out the water and dump it in the bathroom. My back is hurting and I'm on my second sit down break.

I'm so upset. Oh my God. It definitely isn't my day.

I called the janitor and left a message about needing the plumber. I don't know if he'll even get it. The drip is still dripping and it's only going to get more full again. I can't find the bucket.

Oh God. What a horrible day.

ETA oops, i didn't call the janitor, i called the manager (who might be the landlord, i still dont know.)

It's too hot...

Well, desperation pushed me to use the big plunger. I had to get over the ick factor and just go for it. It worked, but there's still a bunch of crud in the drain.

This isn't a very good day. I slept until 6:30 pm! And now I'll have to still wait for the plumber because of the drip and to see if he can get the blockage out of the drain.

What a horrible day.

You could get some drano and use that on the drain. Wouldn't hurt to jave some hand for the future.

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Thanks, but they tell us not to do that here. Otherwise that would have really helped. As it is, I'm going to buy some bleach to wash the sink.