[rtrudeau]

today, omg, i could nt stand it. it makes me so sad... You see, tonight there was an honors assembly at school. (im almost 15 by the way) i was invited and recieved an Academic Honor Roll award for having a 3.0 or better. My mom wanted pictures but my dad was in a better spot. my dad ended up not getting the picture and my mom got upset and called my dad an @$$. So she took a picture afterwards and then we went for cookies in the hall. Then she wanted to take a picture outside too. well, she made a comment that she didn't like our new camera, and my dad made a rude joke out of it. "and this is a problem?" smartly over a few times. Then my dad gets mad at me for having the 3.0 and getting an award other wise they never would have gotten upset at eachother. My mom ended up having to go to the bathroom, but i know she wasn't in there to do her business, she was wiping tears from her eyes so she wouldnt have to let me see how sad she was. This makes me so sad, and upset. My dad yells at me all the time, and gets mad and blames me for everything bad that happens. He comes home from long hours at work and takes it out on me. why cant he see what hes making me feel like? i've been going to see a counselor for 3 months now and she's seen me cry for the whole hour, and my dad has seen me cry too. so has my mom. My mom is awesome, i feel like shes on m side, feeling what i do, but my dad still hurts my emotions, and doesn't seem to be sorry cause he keeps doing it. I'm just so upset, but sometimes i cant cry no matter how much i want to and let it all come out, i can't. please, i want to cry so hard right now and cant find a way to do so, but later this week i know that i will cry myself to sleep at night. its 12:09 am here, so you can see how much i want someone to lean on. i have good friends, but i dont like to share my feelings w them, i want to look happy by them and not let them know whats wrong, even though i really do want to just cry on her shoulder for all of eternity. what should i do?

-----------REVISED | 12:24 am | 5/28/04---------------

I'm looking for some answers tonight. ive sat and wtched 4 people read this and not one answer with advice or even a prayer. I need some help and a few answers soon.

[Taonuviel]

Do you have any friends who don't have a dad around, or whose dad acts like yours? Maybe it'd help to talk with them, sharing how you feel with each other. One thought I have is, it may help a lot if you could find someone to be a supporting father-figure to you.
How's the counselling going? Do you feel you can talk with her well, does she have any helpful suggestions?
You're a worthwhile person, and you deserve to be valued. I hope someone will help you feel that way soon.
Congrats on the Honor Roll, btw That's awesome

[rtrudeau]

counseling is ok. i like going and saying what i feel with her. All my friends have adas around. I do have a particularly espeacialy great friend (Jennifer) and i would say that i could talk to her about anything, but when it comes time to call her or even after i call her, i cant do it. I dont know why, i just cant make the words come out of my mouth no matter how much i try.

[Taonuviel]

It can be very hard to put deep emotions into verbal words. How about writing her a note? That's basically the only way I get anything I need to get said, said. Maybe you could email her, or take some time and write it out if that's more comfortable?

[rtrudeau]

im going to try it, writing it out on paper. i just think its going to be so hard to give it to her, and that when i see her i'll freeze up and not be able to say anything about a note, or even hint that i needed to tell her sumthing. But i will try it. thank you for your advice.

[dexter]

Hello rt and welcome to the forums here.

Sometimes it takes a while to get a reply here but eventually someone will say something

I agree that a note may be a good idea to "break the ice." At least give it a try. Have you talked to your counselor about being able to open up a little to friends? She may be able to give you things to try that might help. I think it might be easier for you if you had at least one person as a friend to whom you could let your guard down once in a while and get some good feedback.

Can I ask why on earth your dad gets mad at you for getting an award? Is he jealous or something? I hope you realize that yelling and blaming you for stuff has to do with something in his personality, nothing to do with you. Maybe he has some anger or disappointment inside that he is taking out on you. Even if you understand that it is not your fault, it is NOT a good thing to be hearing over and over from a parent that you are doing something wrong. It is very destructive.

Is there any chance of him going to counseling with you to maybe figure out what is going on and maybe work on a solution? It might be impossible to change his behavior if he sees nothing wrong with it, but hopefully with some support you won't let his behavior hold you back from a great future.

Good luck and feel free to post here often, it's good to get the opinions of others and it is also good sometimes just to vent.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[(JD)]

sorry... I can't come in to post ... too depressed really.

Snce you know your mom is "on your side" maybe just giving her a thank you note ... just saying "thanks"... maybe she doesn't know you realize how she tries? Or just sneak up and hug her and disappear just as quickly? moms need that... and it will give you a boost too. just talking from both a former teen (hehhehe) and a mom.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[troubled1]

Hello RT,
I want to let you know that I am really sorry I remember my parents fighting alot ....... I know that it is hard to deal with maybe stress is a really big factor on there lives .... I don't think that your dad would be upset for you doing good in school I have a 14 , 12 and a 6 yr old child BOTH my oldest made Honor roll every quarter and I know that they make me the happiest I could ever be!!!
But stress Sucks enough to mess up the most special occasions....
By the Way Great Job Dear!!!! I know my 14 year old , maybe even the 12 yr old would love to talk Just let me know and I will send you a private message so you can Instant message them or email them which ever you would like to do!!!
Take Care and God Bless You ...... troubled1

[wisewoman]

Hey there, I am new here too. You know sometimes us parents goof up pretty well with out even trying. I am so sorry that you are going through this with your dad. I like the idea about giving your mom a hug or/and a note to show how you feel. It will bring you closer even if it feels awkward at first. I like when my 16 year old gives me a hug or a note. Hugs especially. Your dad's stress does not make it okay to verbally assault you. that said I think you are wise to know it's about him and not you. I also like the idea of writing to safe, annonomous teens about your feelings but you need to be very careful about this and not give information about yourself, where you live etc. We've all heard the bad stories. I hope it gets easier for you. Can you keep a journal in a safe place to write about your feelings? If you can do that as well as practicing healthy ways to feel better it will help. Healthy for me is trying to eat good foods on a regular basis. Exercising, sleeping, doing something fun that feeds my soul. I am glad we both found this place.