Daily Check In, ups and downs #19

I am wondering if my life will ever get better (even just a tiny tiny bit)

I really don't see it happening.

2017 all ready seems just so pointless.

all I want is a little mental break and to feel whole (even for a short time)

yesterday my evening was spent binging on jelly babies and mint matchsticks watching reruns of kids tv.

that's my life

sucks

A lot of downs lately...

physical health
mental health
finances
relationships
etc
etc

Not great day. Got a bit better after talking to my psychologist.

I'm fairly okay.

Today seemed like a weird day. Well, Mondays are notorious for being weird, right? A woman who does payroll and other administrative tasks at where I work got another job today. That was a shock to me to hear that she's gone for good. It seems like the company I work for is chintzy. I have not received a raise and a bonus in a while. They don't have the money, I'm told.

And then I had applied for financial assistance for the recent medication I had received that was very costly. I applied about a couple of weeks ago. I got a letter from them today saying they could not give me anything because I didn't qualify. There was no explanation. I will call them and ask for one. That upset me. Just recently I had to have my friend help me. He was nice enough to do that, but he had lectured me while giving me his check.

Tonight I went into the pool area and had a scare of my life. It was very foggy outside. While sitting in the hot tub I heard an airplane over me but could not see any kind of lights through the fog. The plane sounded very loud and I thought that it was going to come down and crash. I live very close to a small city airport that has private small planes.

Wanting to get into Nursing school...and I almost have my Associates in Human Services. But lacking a few classes still to even get into the program!

I'm back in that same dark place I get every month (or nearly every). It's really frustrating me today, because I actually felt good for a while. Even my mom texted me after we hung out Friday, saying that it was nice to see me happy again. But today I'm back down. I'm over-sensitive about everything. I wish my pdoc could see me like this.

I'm a little down today because I did something unhealthy for the first time in a long time last night. Might have to take on of my dependents to the ER so there is that. I don't like hospitals. So looks like I'm in for a long night.

All I do is work and come home, watch a tv show or lay down/sleep. I really have no interest in doing anything else. I have a boyfriend and a cat but we don't really do much because I never feel like going out or really doing anything at all. I feel guilty. And I want to do stuff, but it gives me no pleasure. Can anyone relate?

An ok day, nothing more. A bit irritable.

I feel like I can relate. I don't know if it's depression on my part or I've just gotten older. I find that I don't want to get out of my comfort zone. I feel content in it but I feel like I'm missing out on fun and excitement. Since I don't have a girlfriend of any kind, I don't feel like going places either by myself or with another guy. Well, that's me!

An OK day yesterday, but downhill since early last night. My two shows, Wheel of Fortune & Jeopardy, were not on because of Obama. And then my laptop is not working. I had trouble with it last November and now I have trouble with it again. Back to the shop or call the Geek Squad. The Geek Squad has done a great job in the past. But they are more costly.

Also this morning I got into a little fight with my old man friend. It seems like my old man friend cannot accept with the way I feel if he doesn't agree with it. He definitely doesn't understand my depression and anxiety. And he's always corrective with me.

More depressed than usual. Found out that my antidepressant is no longer covered by my insurance. I can't afford it so I don't have any more. So it's cold turkey until I can get a different one prescribed. I'm angry that there was no warning. But that's just the way that it is.

I feel like I'm in a dense fog and I can't seem to find my way today. I'm feel hollowed out and not at all whole. It is like there is something missing and I don't know even what it is so I can't find what I don't know what is missing.

Didn`t feel like getting out of bed today but I eventually did.I took a shower and got dressed.Did a little bit of cleaning.Then me and Mom went to Walgreen`s and we both bought a birthday card for my nephew.So not much going on today.

Oh! At times my Mom also doesnt understand my depression and panic attacks and gets corrective. That gets me more depressed. So this part of your experience is similar with mine.

An argument with hubby, drunk a bottle of wine and binged on chocolate fml

A fairly busy day at work, and that made me pretty happy. This morning I had looked into why I had sent a check to a business and it was never cashed in. I sent the check about two weeks ago. I called the company and they said that I had insufficient funds. I thought that I had covered the amount that I wrote the check for. Plus, I looked on my checking statement and didn't see anything about an overdraft. So now that business just charged me $25 for "reversal of the check". I can't afford to just lose money like that!
So I was angry most of the morning.

In the last two months or so, I seems like I've been getting unpleasant surprises with money. I'd like it to go the other way for a change! It hasn't done that!

Today was an okay day. Seems like I'm always going to the store or to the doctors office for others or myself. I don't care for driving much but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Started back on my Prozac-have been in a great big bed of denial about my depression but today has been good. Feels good to be reaching out to others-forgot how I miss that & how much it helps me.

In a very low state.

Depressed.