Daily Check In, ups and downs #19

not feeling good.

because it's new year's eve

and I hate new year's eve so much

guilt trip to end all guilt trips

Today is a typical Saturday for me. Housecleaning and shopping. I got a movie for tonight, so I won't be going out for NYE. Feel kind of down.

My friend messaged me saying that he had baked a birthday cake for me for tomorrow. I remember that last year he had invited me to his house and celebrate my birthday with his wife and his sister, whom I am not crazy about. I didn't go. I hope that we don't have that argument again. I feel like my birthday is not the same since I don't have a family anymore. Being with someone else's family doesn't cut it for me.

Hey, happy birthday, Will! 🎂🎁🎈🎈🎈🍻

**** new year's eve.

just stayed in, loads of fireworks outside (big trigger), could barely consontrate on anything because of memories

and wouldn't you know it.. here we are, first day of the new year andn othing's changed.

well done new year, you've really worked your magic

Today is my birthday and it had been a fairly good day. I climbed up the popular hill this morning and went to see my friend. The lunch he had for me was not exciting, but it least it was nice to be with a friend. Even though I didn't feel comfortable at his house.

After that a good friend from college called. And then I took a bike ride. After the bike ride I spoke to my sister. Our talk went fairly well. It sounds like her kids have finally grown up; at least she says that they have! It seemed like she talked an awful lot about herself.

Another birthday has come and gone. And now it's over. I'm asking myself, "is that all there is?".

now the holidays are over, I certainly feel a lot more alive (christmas and new year sucked!)

fine, fine. so I started 2017 much the same.. no sleep, no motivation and alone, but their's deffenetly a feeling of relief in the air that i've actually
made it to second january now

I didn't sleep well last night. I stood up and ate something before I went to bed again. It worked. I fell asleep again.

Do you have any methods to help yourself coping with the "not being able to sleep"? If not, why not try to develop some? It's hard, I know, but well worth trying. I hope you survived Christmas well and for now are free to plan how to use 2017!

No! There will come different stages in life, that will have different problems to solve and different situations to celebrate. Keep going!

All the best!

I feel that it is good that we are at this side of the year too. A few months from now and the danger for sinking deeper into the Seasonal Affective Disorder for the winter will have passed.

I always feel sad and anxious in the new year. Think cos Christmas is over and we are all expected to get back to normal, work, study blah blah blah...

I have two assignments and an exam this month so I'm stressing big time but still finding motivation hard. I had all afternoon to study today and I instead fell asleep for hours

Don't even know why I feel down I'm not even back to work tomorrow like so many other people

I realized today that I maybe in trouble over the next month or so. I'm severely depressed and won't have a psychiatrist for over a month. I wasn't counting on lapsing into such a depression state during this change in insurance.

I'm glad I have PC to come to and place my thoughts.

Upset because I had to go out today. Got to watch a Redbox movie so I feel a little more connected to how things were before when I went to the movies several times a month so that was cool I guess. So all in all it was okay I guess.

feeling blah. upset that the extra money we had is already spent on things that didn't need to be bought right away. so now broke again.
no friends to talk to but i have my kiddos dogs cat and pc. so all okay.

Really bad day. Ended up going early from my intern job. Cried when I got home in bed - I was so down. I eventually took a pill and fell asleep. And now here I am.

Stressed today trying to revise for my exam and still complete 2 assignments. Finding it hard to concentrate and feel like nothings going in

Back to work after having two four day weekends. It was alright until near the end when I felt like I had dropped the ball on something important. It happened all of a sudden. And now I feel like I look bad at my job and fear that my creditability will go down. My friend called tonight and he seemed out of it. I told him what happened at work. He implied that I should do better. He can be so negative lots of times.

It just goes from bad to worse. It will never be good for me again. Don't know why no one stopped them. NO ONE stopped people from messing with MY LIFE.

No one had a smidgen of good sense to STOP THEM or AT LEAST WARN ME SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO STOP THEM.

Damage is done.

I know what you mean, verity.

I don't remember now where I posted this, but I think it's a little sad that you have all this fuss about the new year, and all these people celebrating, only to find that actually, once it's all over, everything's back to how it was before the holidays anyway

that's 1 of the reasons I don't do the new year celebrations.. I just don't see the point. it's a big fuss over nothing

It so is a fuss over nothing, it's like celebrating going back to work!

At work the error that was committed came up. I posted it yesterday. I'll try to explain it easily; it's a special card being used for computer use at work. My responsibility is to mail off those cards from employees who are no longer working. There's one card missing and I don't have any record of it. So it's a mystery. But I feel like this is making me look bad at my job. I just can't believe that a problem has come up and I never saw it coming. It almost seems like it's some kind of set up to make me look bad. But I feel like I have always gotten along very well. I hope and pray that this thing will just blow over. At my job the mistakes stand out, but the heroic and good works do not.

Other than that I have some financial trials to go through. There's no relief in sight. It seems like it's at it's worst now with all kinds of expenses that I don't have enough money to cover it. And it's so difficult to go though this alone.

I am wishing their was more to life

more to life than just sitting here wondering why the hell life goes on

feeling pretty useless if i'm honest

like I should be doing so much more

I'm not well. I has now been 10 weeks since my bloodwork raised the alarm about my health. I am still undergoing test after test. I just want some answers and for this to be over. It has really pulled me down. Add to this a particularly tough and stressful Christmas to New Year's week for myself and loved ones and I feel at my emotional limit. I am exhausted and am beginning to just no longer care - for myself anyway. It seems as though there has been a reversal of roles; I have become the support person as my loved ones go through the crises of their own. I am over stretched not to mention stressed out from containing my own needs and emotions to myself. I want a shoulder to vent to and unload upon but just feel now is the inappropriate time. Yes I have my own physical health concerns but they pale, I feel, in comparison to brain surgeries and strokes.

I feel close to giving up.

This week has been a strange one. Tuesday started everything off, with me feeling crushed and crying all day. Then yesterday I felt a lot better, actually kind of energized. I'm going to be asking T about that, it was definitely a weird mood. And today I'm just exhausted and don't really feel up or down. I'm just here.

Good day today, and I so needed it to remind me that such days also exist. Thing's went well at work and I felt pretty good about myself.

I am not very depressed day mostly just stressed. Got a bit done today so that is most likely the reason for my lack of depressed feelings. Time to relax.