Daily Check In, ups and downs #19

Despite the crappy, cold and wet weather, today was a pretty productive day at the office. I think I may finally be coming out of this latest episode *fingers crossed*

Not doing good.

The last two days have been pretty good for me. Today I was pretty busy. I spent time with a couple of my friends. I spent the early day with my old man friend. It was OK at times, but I don't feel as good being with him as before. There are times I'm getting a feeling that we may be drifting apart. He might not be very well and perhaps that's why his mood isn't as good. Lots of times I've had problems with him being critical.

Later on I spent some time with my other friend, who is closer to my age. I felt better being with him. I feel like he's on my side a lot more than my old man friend is.

Back to work tomorrow. I'm not dreading it, though. But I feel like I'm dreading next month for a couple of reasons. First is that I have a doctor's appointment to see how I'm doing since I had treatment. I hope it goes well. Second is that the Maintenance Man at where I work will be out because of him having major surgery. So I have to take his place while he's gone. I don't know anything about his job.

So I'm feeling that January is going to be pretty good and then next month and beyond, it's going to crash.

But Feb and beyond will be challenging...you may find it interesting too. Thank God you are recovering. Do wish the same for me.

It has been the same for me. Life seems so worthless. My Doc has put me on an anti-depressant for the past few days. Dont know how long it will take me to feel the relief that you are feeling now.

Thanks for your post. It gives me hope.

Hopefully emptiness is relative because apathy is really starting to feel worse then pain. I'll try to establish life worth living

but I still want to run away from here

Trying to get over how bad I was yesterday. I'm getting sick again, sore throat and what not. I hope today is better than yesterday.

I'm back in this dark place I get to every month, and it's frustrating. I wish I could just ignore it, but everything just hurts. I have no boundaries against the world right now, so everything is triggering to me and makes me feel like I'm completely torn apart. I don't know how to manage this feeling, and I feel like no one is even trying to help me.

Back to work today after a three day weekend. It was very slow in the morning but busy later on. During the morning I was feeling bad. I felt like my mind was filled with what's wrong with me physically. Those thoughts come on when there's idle time.

I worked out after work and felt better. I feel like I love this time of year and feel pretty good about it. Usually when it gets into spring then my mood goes down. I hope it won't be the case this year.

Knew how much work I had to do today. I stared at the ceiling for four hours. Trying not to want pills. Still have work. Still no sleep. Still want it to end. Hopefully just for today... hopefully will be better in the morning.

I completely understand how you are feeling ahh this was me today. So fragile trying to keep it together. I can try to help

I feel OK! I use the lamp and I think it helps my winter depression in combination with physical exercises and healthy food.

I cannot describe how good this feels. It is the first year for ages that I'm able to come relatively well through the winter season. There was some days before Christmas when I felt "physical depressed" and a few days in the new year. I don't think we will find the term "physical depressed" in any dictionary, but every depressed person will understand what I mean.

If today is like yesterday then I'm in a decent place. I'm a little blue today but not to point of being emotionally crippled. I hope that this continues.

Thank you, I go through this every month. At this point I believe it's something that needs to be medicated, not talked through, but my psychiatrist won't hear me when I try to tell him what I go through.

I have come to think of depression as my normal.

I'm feeling crushed today. I did some things I shouldn't have last night, and my memory is basically halved. I barely remember things that I know happened. I'm just trying to focus on how easily the rest of my work day should go, and the fact that I can go home after it's over and crash on the couch.

Low, no motivation, irritable, tearful and slow.....

I wish there wasn't anyone who would notice if I disappeared.

Feeling down. No appetite. Tried to eat because I felt hungry and dizzy, but couldn't eat more than a couple of bites from a turkey sandwich ...

Am I invisible? Because nobody ****ing sees me

Pretty ok day-depression continues to lessen & today I actually took a long shower & washed my hair also got some more housework done & cooked.

I am not doing so good.

I feel like crying.

There's no one for me.

I am not doing good too.Struggling to stay alive.

Hypnagogia...particularly, the sound-related one. That explains a lot about why I keep hearing things when I'm sleepy for all this time. I stop having those elaborate dreams for two weeks, and I'm awarded with this thing getting more intense...when will I permanently win? Or does that just mean that 8-10 hours of sleep isn't enough despite how deep the sleep is?

I feel shame, guilt, regret and irredeemably unlovable -- abandoned with a void that cannot be filled.