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  #76  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 11:52 AM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Kind of neutral ATM
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  #77  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:57 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Feeling vague today. I have to call my neighbor at some point soon about my hair and it's stressing me out. There isn't room in here to fit the shower chair in front of the kitchen sink. I'm not sure if there's any room at all for a chair in front of the bathroom sink. I will need to see if he can do it in his kitchen sink. Why am I so stressed out about a good thing?
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  #78  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 03:14 PM
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mulan mulan is offline
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Been feeling a little bit sad since yesterday. While we're talking my father told me he would hit me again as he did when I was a child if the same circumstances happened because I deserved it, I needed to be disciplined and I was very stubborn.
Now I find it hard to look at me like a normal person and somehow I feel like I am intrinsically mean, that I was bad and maybe even worse than the other kids. I had come to terms on the concept of who I was and how I am nothing less than other people. But after that I can't shake the inferiority thoughts. And feel flawed and unloved. Just unbarried some little child feelings.
I use to use imagination to put my self on a happy place whenever I felt like this as a kid. It proved itself to be uneffective and capable of bringing some confusion with other people, totally unfit.
Singing can make me feel very good. I sang a little in the afternoon when I was home alone, it helped a little. But I guess I am mad with my father. He won't ever assume he was mistaken, about whatever, so I am not waiting for anything... He doesn't even understand the effect of his words.
Whatever I will be better. Almost never had any of my parents trying to make feel better when I was sad. And I have my big teddy bear for moments like this.
I wanted to hear some complements, may that would have helped to get some equilibrium to the balance.
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  #79  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 03:27 PM
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Clara22 Clara22 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mulan View Post
Been feeling a little bit sad since yesterday. While we're talking my father told me he would hit me again as he did when I was a child if the same circumstances happened because I deserved it, I needed to be disciplined and I was very stubborn.
Now I find it hard to look at me like a normal person and somehow I feel like I am intrinsically mean, that I was bad and maybe even worse than the other kids. I had come to terms on the concept of who I was and how I am nothing less than other people. But after that I can't shake the inferiority thoughts. And feel flawed and unloved. Just unbarried some little child feelings.
I use to use imagination to put my self on a happy place whenever I felt like this as a kid. It proved itself to be uneffective and capable of bringing some confusion with other people, totally unfit.
Singing can make me feel very good. I sang a little in the afternoon when I was home alone, it helped a little. But I guess I am mad with my father. He won't ever assume he was mistaken, about whatever, so I am not waiting for anything... He doesn't even understand the effect of his words.
Whatever I will be better. Almost never had any of my parents trying to make feel better when I was sad. And I have my big teddy bear for moments like this.
I wanted to hear some complements, may that would have helped to get some equilibrium to the balance.
It is difficult to get rid of wrong ideas that were implanted in our minds but sooner or later we do it. I am sending you a hug
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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
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  #80  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 04:23 PM
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Today is the best day I've had in a while. My suicidal ideation is well contained today & my desire to self-harm is very low. I am going to try and make it through the day with only minimal self-harm.
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Why I don't trust doctors

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  #81  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 04:47 PM
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Its been a long time since I've been able to check in. No computer. Been trying to learn the guitar and it helps to distract me from both physical and mental issues. Typing on a phone is annoying. Over all though I try to be grateful for what I have. Back on meds but it sure isn't a cure for depression and loneliness. Tinnitus is driving me nuts.
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  #82  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 05:54 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disparaissant View Post
Its been a long time since I've been able to check in. No computer. Been trying to learn the guitar and it helps to distract me from both physical and mental issues. Typing on a phone is annoying. Over all though I try to be grateful for what I have. Back on meds but it sure isn't a cure for depression and loneliness. Tinnitus is driving me nuts.
I hope the tinnitus gets better. It drives me nuts at times. I'm glad you have been able to distract yourself.
  #83  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 06:55 PM
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no one cares about me. might as well face up. my life never mattered, so why would my death
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  #84  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 07:56 PM
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lindammarie lindammarie is offline
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It's been years since I've been here, but I'm thinking I could really use some support. Problem with forums is that I don't have a lot of "free time". Maybe if I keep my comments short???
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  #85  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 08:51 PM
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Humpty Dumpty Humpty Dumpty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lindammarie View Post
It's been years since I've been here, but I'm thinking I could really use some support. Problem with forums is that I don't have a lot of "free time". Maybe if I keep my comments short???
Whatever time you can spare we'll do our best to give you support.
__________________
It's only paranoia until it happens.

Why I don't trust doctors

Things You Wish People Understood About Depression

I mean what I say & I say what I mean.
Thanks for this!
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  #86  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 10:29 PM
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Nobody gives ME support. I wonder what makes everyone better than me that they desevre support and I do not.
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  #87  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 10:58 PM
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I spent some time with my friend today. We had a pretty good time to just talk. I went to see the doctor after that. He told me what my options are and for now we've decided on a plan. But there is a possibility that the medication may not work, and if so, then more procedure(s) may be possible. I sure hope not. After the meeting with the doctor I had a feeling of discouragement.

Went to the pool area tonight. It had been good for a while, but not tonight. I real low class couple were there. I sure hope to never see them again. They ruined my evening more. When going to the pool area I either am alone (which is fine with me) or there are jerks. I have hardly met any nice people there.
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  #88  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 12:30 AM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Totally messed up my diet and my step count and my reading and prayers. Try again tomorrow.
  #89  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 01:44 PM
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Feeling shaky and anxious. I don't know if the delivery from Walgreens is coming today. I should really eat something soon.

But on the bright side, my new phone's battery is significantly better than my retired phone so now I don't have to worry about my phone dying when I have to go to an appointment.

ETA the guy from Walgreens came. So I'm OK for today I guess. He has to come back to bring me an eye care product.
  #90  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 02:04 PM
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I feel like I need some help with my anxiety. I'm going to take a Vistaril now. I don't usually take it during the daytime anymore. I should be posting this in the Anxiety thread but it will make me worse to look for it again in the latest craptastic version of Tapatalk.
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  #91  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 02:31 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ennui. View Post
Nobody gives ME support. I wonder what makes everyone better than me that they desevre support and I do not.
In real life? Your parents are not likely to ever change. (But I still hope they will for your sake.)
  #92  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 02:37 PM
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I'm going to try again today not to self-harm. I hope it goes better than yesterday.
__________________
It's only paranoia until it happens.

Why I don't trust doctors

Things You Wish People Understood About Depression

I mean what I say & I say what I mean.
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Anonymous37901, lindammarie
Thanks for this!
Takeshi
  #93  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 02:41 PM
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Igot triggered by something on TV. My day had been ok until that point. I feel unable to distract or reach out. So I'm turning to my usual negatve coping mechanisms. I'll regret it tomorrow but right now I don't seem to care.
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  #94  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 02:44 PM
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not a bad day,

but still so suicidal.

hard when you've hit a dead end in life
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  #95  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 02:52 PM
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Still bouncing off the bottom.. Trying to increase the airtime slowly but surely !
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  #96  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 04:17 PM
Anonymous37914
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Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
In real life? Your parents are not likely to ever change. (But I still hope they will for your sake.)
I'm not really talking about my parents specifically, but the human race in general. I gave up on my parents long ago, I no longer seek help from them. And now I'm close to giving up on all people. I feel like not a soul would weep if I died. And why should they? I'm nobody.
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  #97  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 04:21 PM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Definitely feeling down atm
  #98  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 05:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ennui. View Post
I'm not really talking about my parents specifically, but the human race in general. I gave up on my parents long ago, I no longer seek help from them. And now I'm close to giving up on all people. I feel like not a soul would weep if I died. And why should they? I'm nobody.
Do you know that song "That's Life" (I think)? The Frank Sinatra version is really good. The lyrics describe how the wheel of fortune sort of turns. No one is on top for very long, and slowly, good people don't necessarily stay on the bottom for very long.You are a good young person. What might help is to be more patient in life in general. As you pursue the things you like, want, and need, patience is key for everyone anyway. Also the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want", but "that's life" sung by Sinatra is really a classic.
Thanks for this!
leomama, lindammarie
  #99  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 06:26 PM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Still feeling down. This is kind of nuts. Don't know what's causing this. I think it's situational .
  #100  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 07:17 PM
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lindammarie lindammarie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ennui. View Post
Nobody gives ME support. I wonder what makes everyone better than me that they desevre support and I do not.
We all deserve support...
We don't all get it...
I hope you can identify some things that give you support for when people aren't around. I'm trying to think of things myself...
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leomama
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