Daily Check In, ups and downs #19

An OK kind of day today. I went to church and it was alright, but not too exciting. Went for a two hour bike ride. I felt like I could have gone for more. I met someone at church today who seems to be having it pretty hard. It makes me feel very blessed with what I have going in my life. But at the same time it makes me scared because it could all happen to me.

I have been sleeping a lot. I try to wake early so I can study, but it's impossible, I sleep like eleven hours and I wake up tired.
I need some vacations. I hope this tiredness to be temporary. I am taking some vitamins and medication that is supposed to help improving memory. I have been taking them for two days... I am not sure they will work, specially in a short term. But I hope they do.
I am taking so much pills, I feel like I am one of those old persons that need a lot of drugs. I don't know if they have some sort of interaction.

I eat well, I exercise regularly, I sleep... When I get this tired and weird (my brain feels strange) I worry I might have some illness I am not aware of. I worry I have some chronic infection/inflammation of some kind or a sleep problem, since I talk a lot during my sleep... But I blame it to the medication (the sleep talking).

Studying everyday since some months might have something to do with this. It will be over soon.

started the new week on..... yes, you figured it out, no sleep.

I took the advice of people on here not to watch american horror story )they didn't actually say don't watch it, but I could tell from the descriptions it wasn't a good choice so when the postman comes later it's going back

cut this morning (breaking a run of just 1 day)

no other plans. just do what I need to do to get through monday

This too shall pass -- or not?

A bit anxious a lot anxious about this afternoon.

Concerned about my 12 hour naps. I'm not sure I'm going to make it to the opthalmologist later this week.

My place is overrun by those tiny little fruit flies or whatever they are. I'm so sick of them. They're sleeping on the cabinet in the kitchen but it's no good trying to squash them because their exoskeletons are so hard.

It really makes me wonder why don't humans have exoskeletons. I've been thinking about this a lot since summer or spring. We'd be so much better protected if we had a hard candy shell, like m&m's. Or even a creepy bug like shell. I don't understand why we were designed/evolved without any protective cover.

My mood is flipping all over the place. Was grateful, then worried, then thinking wtf who cares if my kidneys are failing. I never fought to live a good life anyways.

The weekend was just weird. I'd love to process it a bit with you, but I need to get home. I'm still at the office.

Hope to have more time tomorrow!

Rumination is an unhealthy thought process many try to avoid. Pain avoidance techniques eventually fail. Being aware of the inefficaciousness of pain avoidance is the first step to becoming an observer rather than an avoider. The thoughts do not go away but are more manageable and eventually dissipate to a degree.

Today was a pretty slow day at work. When it gets slow at work, my mind starts getting on myself. And I really hate that. I worked out after work and it went well. But I have less weight than when I left off about two months ago because of an injury.

I was feeling alright until I got to the pool area. There was a guy with two little kids there. I had not seen them in quite a while. I had thought about them and thought that they had left. Not so, unfortunately. I didn't miss them. I hope that I don't see them again.

Why did the guy with the two little kids upset you?

No acute distress. Making my way.

Went to work today, feeling tired but relieved because I have tomorrow off.

A bit irritated

I don't want to be here anymore.

I have seen this guy and his two little kids quite a bit last year. I had not seen him in a while and thought that he was gone for good, which is what I'd hope for. It's just that the father is not very friendly and his kids go wild. I go into the hot tub part to relax. I don't want to have family drama in my presence.

I understand. Have you thought about complaining to the staff?

First of all, there is no staff at the complex. It's a condo complex, so there's no manager on site. That's the way it is at condos. There are managers on site at all times at rental apartments. So anything goes at where I live. Which is one very good reason why I want to move out.

Secondly, there wouldn't be anything that could be done about it. It's just people being themselves. There's nothing wrong with what they are doing. It's just that I'm not crazy about them. There are people that don't like me at where I live, but nothing can be done to me by them.

I need help but I'm not going to be er again.. usesless

Ok I thought it was a community center, my apologies.

Internal conflicts raging at the moment...

Had group therapy today. Felt like the elephant in the room.

I'm scared.