Whenever I get like this I'm always asked why I feel this way. Why would I want to kill myself? What triggered it? What is so wrong with my life that I need to escape from it?

And the truth is there is nothing wrong. No reason to feel like this. No reason to want out. But still I do. Far too often.

I wish I knew the answer. I wish I could say it's x y and z causing me to feel this way..then maybe I would be one step closer to being able to stop it from happening.

Instead I just feel stupid and pathetic. What right do I have to feel like this? How dare I even consider killing myself when other people have it so much worse.

I shouldn't feel this way. And that just makes it worse.

[Loveloss86]

I get suicidal to get other people's attention. :/ I would never really do it but I just hope that someone actually cares when I say it. Everybody's telling me I'm being manipulative but I'm just wanting somebody to care.

[Skeezyks]

For the Skeezyks... too much water under the bridge... (Personally I think a person has the right to feel however they feel... good, bad, or indifferent. I don't consider that there exists any "benchmark" one has to come up to before it is okay for them to feel however they feel. To me, how other people feel is irrelevant.)

[MtnTime2896]

I said this a few times on here and I can't stress it enough.

"How dare I even consider killing myself when other people have it so much worse."

It doesn't matter what anyone else has gone through. You cannot and should not compare two different individual's suffering. It does nothing. Personally, no one ever asks me why I'm suicidal because if they know that I am, they know that I have PTSD and several other illnesses. No one ever seems to ask someone with PTSD why they'd be suicidal because this sentence in itself can partially be the answer. So, I sort of have mine to an extent (it's not the only reason but hell if I know any of the others). In your situation, you don't have any answers. I feel like for me personally, that'd be worse. I need answers to everything and it would drive me into a straight jacket if I didn't have at least a partial answer.
You're able to handle something that would drive me up the wall. Sure, I'm sitting here with PTSD and a bunch of other **** and it's hard, but I have enough answers to keep my mind from losing it entirely. My life isn't harder than yours and it's not easier; because they cannot and should not be compared with each other in search of "who has it worse".
How you feel, is how you feel. There aren't always answers and no one should expect you to just be fine because your life by conventional standards is. That's not how our brains work, unfortunately.
I watched this movie "A Long Way Down", and in this movie there's this character who has a similar struggle. He doesn't know why he feels this way, he just does and it makes his situation that much more dire. I recommend it to anyone who isn't easily triggered, though I wouldn't say it's that full of triggers but the subject matter is about suicide; it's on Netflix, if you have it.
Remember, you can PM me any time. If anything just to vent, I don't mind reading and keeping quite. I'm here whenever you need me.

[elevatedsoul]

life......

[passionfruit3]

Not knowing what my future will look like im disabled and i don't know were im going to go after my parents die i just don't want to go to a group home and my parents are already threatening to put me out

[dexter]

That might be like asking someone with diabetes "Why don't you break down sugar in your body?"

The answer is "because it is an illness". Something is wrong. It is a question that can't help make you feel defensive and helpless posed but someone ignorant that mental illness is an illness.

The question implies judgement as if there should be an easy answer but there is no easy answer that's why this is such a difficult illness to deal with. The fact that you don't have an answer shouldn't make you feel worse the person who poses such a judgemental question is the one who should feel bad.

Wish we lived in a world where people would at least try to understand that if they don't know something it means the answer may be complex. Instead many assume that if they don't know something the answer must be simple.

Many at this forum deal with what you have just expressed.

I have figured out some (not all) of the thoughts and triggers that cause me to have SI through journaling and being more mindful rather than living my life on "autopilot".

Nevertheless, sometimes when I am in a crowd (like when I attended a musical this summer), I feel sad about feeling like I am different from others. By different, I don't feel as carefree as I was in my youth or as seemingly carefree as the crowd I am with seems. It is probably just my depression causing that. Dexter always seems to express why some of us are this way the best...

[MickeyCheeky]

It's not your fault for being like this.. it's a illness just like physical ones such as cancer.. so please, don't say those things about yourself

for me... because I think I'm a waste of oxygen

people around me have lives, they know what they are doing, they have plans.

me?. all I do is sit, eat, accessively, and get hated on by most (if not all) people

for me it's also a fear. it might sound strange, but I want to be in control of when I die.. I don't just want to not know.

and thirdly, 1 of my biggist fears is growing old and having nothing to show in my life

and guess what?

this is what's happening. my worst fear has actually been realised

but then I have so little experience of how to live in the world, and how to survive, I can't seem to change it

it's just easier to give up

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I watched this movie "A Long Way Down", and in this movie there's this character who has a similar struggle. He doesn't know why he feels this way, he just does and it makes his situation that much more dire. I recommend it to anyone who isn't easily triggered, though I wouldn't say it's that full of triggers but the subject matter is about suicide; it's on Netflix, if you have it.
Remember, you can PM me any time. If anything just to vent, I don't mind reading and keeping quite. I'm here whenever you need me.

I saw that movie a while ago, was just looking to watch it again as I guess I don't remember it much, but UK Netflix has removed it...I'm sure I can find it somewhere else though.

And thank you for being there, you're a good person

Originally Posted by dexter

The question implies judgement as if there should be an easy answer but there is no easy answer that's why this is such a difficult illness to deal with. The fact that you don't have an answer shouldn't make you feel worse the person who poses such a judgemental question is the one who should feel bad.

Wish we lived in a world where people would at least try to understand that if they don't know something it means the answer may be complex. Instead many assume that if they don't know something the answer must be simple.

It definitely implies judgement. What I don't get is that mental health professionals will ask, and they never believe me when I say I don't have a reason. They insist there must be a reason.

[Fuzzybear]

I deleted my long reply,

PTSD etc..

I regret that these people feel the need to be so judgemental and lacking in understanding. Frankly it baffles me (except for the "cost" issue )

I was going to write about those difficult things that have triggered me in the past but I realize that common to all of them has been the feeling of not opportunity to get out of the Depression or get ahead. It always occurs at times I feel a total sense of loss.

It has been on my mind lately though as I face a health issue which may come down to affecting my entire life. On my mind is that I am afraid of suffering and pain for maybe another 40 years.

[gayleggg]

Thoughts of the future trigger me.

[MickeyCheeky]

Originally Posted by HalloweenSkye

What I don't get is that mental health professionals will ask, and they never believe me when I say I don't have a reason. They insist there must be a reason.

Oh, that happened to me too (or at least, something similar to this..) It sucks I feel you

[jellyfishpng]

this is exactly what i feel like. there is nothing objectively wrong with my life, physically at least, so there [I]should[I] be no reason for me to be suicidal and depressed. however, i am, and i don't know why. i hope everything improves for you. stay safe.