[PlanningtoLive]

Hi everyone - I am having severe anxiety and depression lately.

I went completely med free a couple of months ago, although I was taking Geodon, Abilify and Lexapro for my bipolar II and my depression. But I wanted to see if I could handle things on my own, without all the meds. At the same time, I started a new job, being a store manager and as usual, had to wade thru the employees and clean up problems.

I was doing okay until recently. Now the slightest thing that comes up overwhelms me - I feel like I can't cope. I am putting in quite a few hours with one day off a week if I am lucky. I've been trying to find some "me" time so that I can relax, but it just isn't happening. My temper has also started erupting, just like it used to before the meds. I walk around constantly irritated and angry with everything and everyone, including my family, most esp. my son (which isn't normal for me at all). Today I fired two more people, which they deserved for not coming in and not calling for work, but the sheer force of my anger scared me. On the other hand, I feel completely depressed like I'm not handling things very well and that I'm not capable of doing it either. My boss seems happy with me, but I'm very bogged down by everything.

I have been in constant email touch with my T, and he's been trying to help. I've start SIing again, after a very long time of not doing so. My T asked me if I wanted to go back on my meds, and I'm very confused about that point. I can't take the Geodon anymore because the tremors were so bad that I couldn't stop shaking. That leaves the Abilify and the Lexapro.

I just feel like a shadow on the wall - no substance, no nothing.

Mary Alice

[(JD)]

((((planning))))

Maybe you should reconsider taking at least one med? IDK how long ago "a couple of months" is to you, but if really ony 2 months or so, it probably took that long for all the meds to leave your system...and now you are void of medicinal help?

There are newer meds on the market now, has your T discussed them with you?

I wouldn't put it off... it's not weakness on your part, but a lack in your body. If it needs help to balance those chemicals, then it needs help. No shame.

Nothing's worth feeling so poorly that you self harm. You know you are worth more than that.

TC

[PlanningtoLive]

Yes, it's only been 2 months, Sky. I figured that finally all the meds worked their way out. It's just that I've tried too many meds that it took a long time to find just the right connoction.

I am considering going back on something - these feelings are just going to cause more problems for me and possibly make me quit my job, and like most others like me, I've been thru way too many jobs.

Thanks for the thoughts.

Mary Alice

[(JD)]

Ok, you're welcomed. Maybe just try one for a while... that way you'll know which "one" if you get side effects you can't live with.

drjean

[Jacquard]

You are killing yourself with stress, and I'm not sure meds are going to fix it unless you get rid of the environmental stressors. Working 6-7 days a week over the long term is ridiculous, even for the most stress-tolerant person If you have to find a new job to function adequately, then you should.

You sound like you don't care for meds. I don't blame you, but there's no shame in taking them if other atlernatives aren't working for you. Maybe try a low dose of one drug or the other and see if it takes the edge off?

The lies and confussion we all live with, makes us in some aspects stronger ppl.. Look at what you are able to do and fight your way thru everyday..

Letting u know we're listenng loud and clear.....

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Mary Alice ))))))))))))))))

love,
Fuzzy

[lenjan]

(((((((Mary Alice))))))) I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I agree that you definitely need to find some time for yourself. Working so much is a huge stressor even WITH meds, trust me on this one .

I'm glad you're able to be in touch with your T and I hope you get some relief soon.

Love, Candy

[PlanningtoLive]

Thanks, Candy. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up without some kind of relief. I feel like I am sinking and I don't know how to pull myself out of this spot.

Now I'm having trouble with my right eye - it's getting all puffy and affecting my vision........what else can go wrong???

Mary Alice

[Dulcinea]

Hi ((((Mary Alice)))) Just wanted to say Im rooting for you and I hope things get better soon. I agree that you may need to cut back on work hours you work so hard! That would be enough to drive me insane, I would collapse! I applaud you for going off your meds, it's something that I've wanted to do for a while but I'm worried to do it. Maybe you should consider a mood stabilizer like abilify, that's what I take. Only you know what's right for you though. Just take it easy and let us know how it goes. Best Wishes,
Dulcinea

[PlanningtoLive]

Hi Dulcinea, and thanks. Since I posted, I have gone back on the Lexapro, only 10mg. though, but it is helping a little. I was on Abilify too, and that helped tremendously, but I'm trying not to go full tilt back on the meds. I'm trying to manage as much as I can on my own.

As for work, 6-7 days a week is getting to be way too much for me to handle. Something is going to give soon.

Thanks again, and take care.

Mary Alice