[MatBell]

Hi again.

I'm sorry I'm writing a lot here these days. My life is very difficult right now. I can't really cope, things keep getting worse and worse for me.

I have a lot of anxiety and can't see a way out for me. I have plans about doing something to myself next week. Everything is black and I feel paralyzed. Can't see a way out as I said. And everyone who says different I don't believe.

I think inpatient is necessary for me, if I can get it. I'm seeing my psychiatrist this monday.

God, I'm really not well. I'm so afraid of what will happen. I don't want to die but I can't see any other way.

[bshaffer836]

Get well soon!

[Mopey]

Oh Mat, oh honey! Monday sounds so far away. Is there something you can do sooner? Emergency call to your old therapist? Emergency Room?

In the US they always instruct people who feel as desperate as you do now, to go to the nearest Emergency Room.

[zapatoes]

Feel better soon!!!!

[MatBell]

Thanks for being so kind Mopey. I texted an emergency hotline and they also said monday is far away.
I actually hope to get hospitalized now. I hope on monday. I feel way too bad now and I can't see any light for me.

[MickeyCheeky]

Stay Safe, @MatBell! Do ANYTHING in your power to distract yourself these two days. You will get out of this stronger than before, I am sure! I COMPLETELY agree with all the other wise and wonderful posters! We are all here for you! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @MatBell, ALL of your Family, ALL of your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK, MY DEAR, SWEET, KIND, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL FRIEND?!

[Sunflower123]

Monday is far away when you’re severely suicidal. Can you stay safe until Monday? You could keep talking to the emergency line and us here. I hope you get the help you need. Sending hugs and healing vibes.

[Mopey]

Yes dear, try to keep your mind occupied as much as you can - anything, games, videos, exercise videos, whatever through the weekend. Look online and you,ll see so many people having extra difficulties due to being confined by this d—ned virus. It’s hard on everybody but especially those of us battling depression because it seems to cut off all the avenues we’ve developed to try to handle it.

Please keep in touch with us here over the weekend till you can hopefully professional help. ♥️

[Whero]

I hope you get better. There are many methods of coping I am sure you've tried. Clonazapam is a wonder drug, at least for myself. Breathe deep, find a buddy to do deep breathing with. Medidate, visualise and think positive.

[MatBell]

Thanks Mickey. I really try. When I wake I feel "attacked" by all these horrible thoughts. I really hope I get some help this monday.
In times like these I really feel all alone. I haven't told my family members how bad it is and that I want to go inpatient. If they call I will tell them how it is. It's just so hard to call them myself and say how awful I'm feeling.
I'm very happy I have this forum with all you people in these times.

[MatBell]

I try to get through this Sunday, Jennifer. Yesterday I texted my psychiatrist saying how I felt. He didn't text back but I feel good I did it so he knows.

[Mopey]

It's about quarter past 11 in the morning here, Mat - Hopefully you have managed to keep breathing and made it through most of your Sunday. If I were you when you get to your appointment I would stress how terribly suicidal you feel and not pull your punches. In the States they usually pay attention when you start talking about that because they are afraid to be sued if you actually do anything to yourself. (Which of course you are NOT GOING TO DO).

Much love, many hugs...... Thinking of you...

[Twitch99]

Originally Posted by MatBell

.....I don't want to die but I can't see any other way.

If this is truly how you feel then I recommend inpatient. Having been through inpatient before then partial to follow I can say that is about the only thing it is good for.

[MatBell]

Now I’m in my room as an inpatient. Ugh.
I don’t know about this. Part of me want to leave.
It’s one day at a time here. I can walk if I feel like it. Part of me thinks “I don’t belong here, I’m not that sick”

Thank you all for being supportive here. No matter what happens I’m very grateful for that. You get to feel so alone and lost in all this when you feel this bad.

People here have been nice to me and taken me seriously.
But still not sure if this is a good choice or if this is only “a new low” for me.

[Mopey]

Sometimes only with hindsight do we know about a choice, Mat. But one thing’s for sure - you’re a little safer because you have people watching over you.

Got to go now but I’m going to keep checking on you.

[Sunflower123]

I’m glad you’re IP. That’s where you need to be. Please don’t leave until they release you. Thinking of you.

[Mopey]

Hi Mat,

Hope you're doing OK in there, wondering what if anything they are doing to help you. And no, you're not raving or anything but you have other serious problems.

Looks as if they let you keep your computer in there...

We just got back from a trip to the grocery store which we had been warned about how crowded it would be. It was crowded all right, a few people wearing masks, and many of the shelves were empty. They were out of water and they were almost out of eggs. People are afraid, I think, that they won't be able to get food, but we're told that essentials such as gas stations and grocery stores will stay open. Pretty much taking it one day at a time coping with the virus situation.

Take care and positive wishes

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MatBell

Hi again.

I'm sorry I'm writing a lot here these days. My life is very difficult right now. I can't really cope, things keep getting worse and worse for me.

I have a lot of anxiety and can't see a way out for me. I have plans about doing something to myself next week. Everything is black and I feel paralyzed. Can't see a way out as I said. And everyone who says different I don't believe.

I think inpatient is necessary for me, if I can get it. I'm seeing my psychiatrist this monday.

God, I'm really not well. I'm so afraid of what will happen. I don't want to die but I can't see any other way.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so down and depressed. I been there myself. Here a warm hug from me to you.

[MatBell]

Thank you for your concern. I was only there for 24 hours.

Still struggling I’m afraid. Would love to talk to some of you a bit?

Hello MatBell! That they only kept you for 24 hours means that they believe in your ability to make it outside the hospitals walls.

It can be rather lonely these days when so much is closed because of Covid-19. Please try to remember that we are all in this togheter. If you feel depressed, some sort of numbness, anxiety ot whatever, please try to remember that almost three to four houses away form you there might sit another person with almost similar fellings. Three houses away from there another one and so on. You are not alone!

You may probably have read this link before, but it might be OK to read again:

Suicide

116 123 is the emergancy number for all of Europe.

I have posted the STOPP link before and will post it agian. Please promise all these invisible people around the world that you will fight for your life! Write down on a paper (that you have promised to stay alive) and place it at a table where it is easy to see. Think of what you will tell them about how you solved this crises if you meet some of them in five years.


There is hope even if you cannot see it now (have been in your shoes).

Invest in learning the STOPP tecnique and other tools that you can find from that link:


STOPP skill

I wish you the best!

[Mopey]

What great suggestions, Singer47!

[Mopey]

What was it like, Mat? Did it help?

Originally Posted by Mopey

What great suggestions, Singer47!

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Singer47

Hello MatBell! That they only kept you for 24 hours means that they believe in your ability to make it outside the hospitals walls.

It can be rather lonely these days when so much is closed because of Covid-19. Please try to remember that we are all in this togheter. If you feel depressed, some sort of numbness, anxiety ot whatever, please try to remember that almost three to four houses away form you there might sit another person with almost similar fellings. Three houses away from there another one and so on. You are not alone!

You may probably have read this link before, but it might be OK to read again:

Suicide

116 123 is the emergancy number for all of Europe.

I have posted the STOPP link before and will post it agian. Please promise all these invisible people around the world that you will fight for your life! Write down on a paper (that you have promised to stay alive) and place it at a table where it is easy to see. Think of what you will tell them about how you solved this crises if you meet some of them in five years.


There is hope even if you cannot see it now (have been in your shoes).

Invest in learning the STOPP tecnique and other tools that you can find from that link:


STOPP skill

I wish you the best!

Thanks so much.

Yes they did have faith in me. Also, I just couldn't imagine being there a long time. So i wanted to get out as well.
Thanks for the STOPP technique.

My thoughts are all over the place so I could use a way to calm them.

I know I'm not alone in this - many people feel anxious, confused etc. That can help. But for us who are already struggling and vulnerable, it can really be an extra blow.

Yes, it is very, very difficult. See if it is possible for you to find something in this post I made because it is difficult:

Come on, we have two fights to fight!

Be well!