Depression Support

at age 19 I was really doing good...I had started college...then at the end of that first summer ....my girlfriend told me she never wanted to see me again...I froze up and my brain seemed to change....I stayed in my room for 2 weeks and never came out...I didn't talk to anyone...that was a long time ago and there were no psych drugs then...I saw a psychiatrist one time and he thought I should return to school....that was a good move but I was miserable for many months at school...but gradually I recovered and returned to relatively normal functioning life...but I was never the same person inside my brain..
for me it was good that there were no psych drugs...and it was good I went back to school even tho it was very hard...I had to keep being with people and working on my courses...my relationship with women would never be the same....

Great post little turtle

At age 19 I was doing really good as well. I had good O levels and A levels, I was working, and at that point wasn't taking too much notice of those who mistook my sensitivity for weakness

My depression relapsed since last Mon(08/28) and today it was particularly bad. Intense anxiety attacks and increasing depression. I lied down in bed most of the time feeling hopeless all the time. Couldn't manage to do chores or go outside the house. I was thinking hard to come up with a solution.

Then I decided that even if I am in bed for 22hrs of the day, the remaining 2hrs I am out of bed I have to utilize fully. During those 2hrs I have to do as much chores and exercise as possible and take bath as well. Gradually those 2hrs would increase to 2.5hrs to 3hrs to several hrs and I will eventually start feeling better again.
Hopefully this works!

Oh Des. You are doing the best you can, and gradually working on increasing those hours seems like the best thing you can do. Keep being patient and working hard at it.

Okay. I think I'll go next.

Technically, obsessive anxiety is my root problem, but I'm more concerned about the depression it creates. When I'm anxious, I'm in survival mode, but when I'm depressed, I don't care about my wellbeing or safety, and I come dangerously close to making Irreversible Decisions, and inadvertently hurting the people that care about me.

I think my depressive states are kind of like a security blanket, if that makes sense. In a way, I prefer the emptiness, numbness, and sadness over the constant fear and catastrophic ruminations of anxiety. I welcome the "reprieve" of low energy and oversleeping, too. But, like I said, I'm prone to having self-destructive or self-neglectful thoughts and behaviors when I'm like this, so I'm not exactly ecstatic when my mood shifts over from anxiety to depression. Just...slightly relieved.

That said, I've done fairly well this summer, minus a few expected bumps along the way. I feel relatively okay now. But I'm starting to get nervous about the colder months. I have a way of finding (even seeking out) problems to obsess over in the winter, and if this year is going to be anything like the last four years, at some point between November and March, I'm going to be filling my days with compulsions until I drop from exhaustion at night, only to start again the next day. Eventually, I will give up on everything, and the feeling of giving up will be a perverse relief. "At least I don't care anymore."

When I signed up for PC in July, my main hope was to connect with a few people who could maybe hold me accountable in the winter months. I was hoping to befriend some people who would be the type to check in on me if I didn't show up after a few days (as I will certainly do for them). I feel like I've made those connections, and I'm extremely grateful for everyone here. My family does the best they can in supporting me, but there's that line they just can't cross. They don't "get it", and you all do.

Here's hoping this winter looks a little different than previous years. I'll take even a tiny improvement.

My love to you all.

I'm just saying hello for now

Love to all

Still struggling today.

My phobia about taking meds, appears occasionally like yesterday, and now is gone with relief... I hate when that happens. I hate to think, without any reason, that ADs and APs are doing terrible things to my nervous system.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Just wanted you to know I support you and you're not alone. I hope you feel better soon. Sending big hugs.

hi everyone...i am feeling encouraged by what i see on this thread..

This is normal for depression and very frustrating and draining. I liken it to trying to run in waist high molasses. I find self care nearly impossible when I'm severely depressed.

Sorry for ranting. I really need it right now.

Why do I'm different? Why I'm not normal? Why can't I behave normally? Why can't I think like everyone else? Why I keep angry all the time?

Hi everyone, I'm feeling encouraged by the support and caring on this thread too

Well, I have the same feelings. But I have decided to accept myself as I am.
Hugs to you.

Thank you so much. I needed the encouragement.

I'm having the same feelings towards eating, just feels like a tedious task and I can barely finish half the portions that I used to eat just a couple of months ago. My appetite is so little most of the time and I get full so quickly. Do our stomachs really shrink if we regularly eat less? I feel like mine has.

Showering, cleaning the house or even just going to the store have become impossible tasks for me. I'd rather not eat than have to go to the store. My bf shops all the time, so I don't have to starve thanks to him, but even that he's always buying food, too many times I just don't feel like eating and have lost a ton of weight. I think we just have no drive or motivation to do these things because we're so deep into our depression.

I am having a terrible time too. God when does this dark phase end?! I wish there was someone to take care of me.

Thanks. I'm a lottle bit better now. Sorry for that rant.

How are you doing today?

I am not good. Sorry I wish I could say that I was better. But this severe depression and anxiety is just not getting better. Getting out of bed is becoming a problem specially in the morn and early aft. Losing hope and sometimes the wish to live. Can't struggle any more though I have not given up completely yet. I still try to take shower, exercise and get outside the house even it's for 15mins. But I can't handle the pain of depression any more. It's getting too tough. I really wish I had someone - a friend or a bf - to take care of me. But I have none.

Sorry I must have bored you with my probs.

((((((((( Desiree )))))))))

I haven't been around,,, I'm not bored with you or your posts

I am here also

I hope you are doing better, I also have Depression. I also was exercising and getting fatter. The doctor gave me a handout to go by to cut down on Carbs and sugars. So now I really don't eat a lot of the fruit and juice. More protein. Take care

[quote=Desiree2006;5809173]I am not good. Sorry I wish I could say that I was better. But this severe depression and anxiety is just not getting better. Getting out of bed is becoming a problem specially in the morn and early aft. Losing hope and sometimes the wish to live. Can't struggle any more though I have not given up completely yet. I still try to take shower, exercise and get outside the house even it's for 15mins. But I can't handle the pain of depression any more. It's getting too tough. I really wish I had someone - a friend or a bf - to take care of me. But I have none.

Sorry I must have bored you with my probs.[/quote

Desiree, I get this bad sometimes too. I'm older and alone, and that makes it even worse. I just try to push through, but sometimes I just feel like giving in to it. I pray alot. My pets help me keep going. My family doesn't get it so I just don't "go there" with them. If I don't "fake" it with them they don't want to talk to me. Glad I can express myself here. Maybe we can help each other. I'll try.

(((((((((( Desiree)))))))))))