I think Patagonia's quote about doubt in her signature rings true for a lot of aspects of depression. Apathy and lack of motivation spread like dye as well. Sometimes we know exactly what we need to do to feel better, and still we don't do it, because we're too stained with apathy (or fear, or sadness, etc) for the time being, and it's not washing out, only spreading.

Frustrating as hell.

Finally a place where I can share my thoughts. I wish I could stop over thinking and worrying. I thought I was going to clean the whole floor at work but my friend was on her section which I was happy about. I love going to work and chatting but once I work, I get stressed because I have so many rooms to do. I have thought about finding another job but I'm not sure whether I'll be employed. I'd like to work in a shop or be a barista, just something different from cleaning. I'm feeling fine today anyway.

[Patagonia]

Bjornen
I love that quote. It really does stain....your soul & for some of us we just can't bleach the dam thing out!
Today is my Christmas Day! I should be estastic! My favorite day of the year. I've made it a great day for everyone else in the house, except for me. Maybe I burned myself out trying to get ready for it, but it's shaping up to be a crap day.
And part of me is screaming inside....go! Have a blast....have fun...enjoy!
And it's just not there. Tomorrow the regret will start & that's the worst fight of all.

[mulan]

I am really anxious today. Feeling stiff, if somebody understands that. Acting stiff, talking... Just want to go home.
Can't feel loose today... Lack of sleep maybe. One of those days.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by mulan

I am really anxious today. Feeling stiff, if somebody understands that. Acting stiff, talking... Just want to go home.
Can't feel loose today... Lack of sleep maybe. One of those days.

Can totally understand that feeling of being "stiff" like at any moment I'm going to break into a million pieces. I get like that in public. I hate it. Extremely uncomfortable & just wanto crawl into a hole until it passes.
I get it. (((Hug))))

[regretful]

Did some reading last night that gave me some perspective and peace of mind. Trying to carry that into today. Rough start, though, as depression's friend, anxiety, is here to greet me. Wishing all of us here that are struggling a moment or two of peace today.

[nikon]

sending strength to everyone today

I had a slightly more productive day yesterday, and feeling kind of blank today. i talked about new stuff with my therapist, paranoid thoughts that i haven't mentioned previously. i was too embarrassed to say a few of them though that to me sound really crazy. at night i can't stop thinking that there are satellites that i can't see (obviously) in the sky and they watch people so i will only get changed etc with my curtains closed. even logically it makes sense to close the curtains but the thought process doesn't ----ing stop. all over there are workers putting down cables to improve internet connection and i keep thinking "what if" part of it is to monitor people's activity, like governments keeping tabs on people. and even that isn't far-fetched, if google has got vaults with people's voicenotes archived in them. and yesterday saw this video online about employees at a place being microchipped in order to clock in, clock out, sign into computers, buy stuff from vending machines etc. that's like the ultimate f--- no. but i will feel so embarrassed saying any of this to my therapist or psychiatrist.

feel horribly depressed because I missed out on halloween.

I didn't do anything.

just sat here and cried

and I feel like i'm being a baby over it

but it means a lot to me at least

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Love to everyone on the thread.
Sorry, ShatteredSanity. I hate to think of you sitting there crying.

[Angelique67]

Me too. I hope you feel better now, shattered sanity. For me, Halloween is mostly about candy. Lol. And looking at people in costumes. Oh, I just remembered - at my best friend's party when we were 15 or 16, I went as an elf I think. I put the costume together mysELF. My best friend was a wizard. We had great costumes that year.

[Aemulus2058]

I woke up and actually managed to get ready today--I did my hair and makeup and everything! I haven't looked presentable for a couple days now, so I felt very accomplished. Now, though, my whole family is out and I'm left at home by myself which is always hard. I realize how quiet the house is and how loud my mind is. I've put on some music and turned on the fireplace and am trying to make today better. Honestly, I just want it to be nighttime so I can pass out candy and be distracted from my thoughts for a bit longer.

I feel fine but I keep resisting life. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to continue with my life but I have to keep on going. I just feel bored and I feel like I have to make my life exciting. I'm tired of being addicted to someone for my happiness. He's not all that special. without this thing, I'm unhappy. Without this drug (my ex), I'm unhappy and bored. It's not true of course but my mind has something different compared to what I truly think or feel.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’ll be so disappointed in myself if I don’t go. I’d love to chat sometime! Yes, that’s my birth year

Jen, I hope you went to that party?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by katydid777

Jen, I hope you went to that party?

I did!! I had a really good time. Thanks for asking.

[regretful]

...on top of the depression, I'm not feeling physically well today. Like 10 tons of weight on the shoulders. Still wishing all of you at least a moment's peace today.

[Rose76]

I could make this a decent day, if I would just try.

still very upset about haloween

I wish I could turn back the clock and go trick or treating or something, I really do.

this afternoon I found some spooky episodes of southpark online and just watched them back to back. they wern't that spooky, but they had a haloween theme, and it was better than nothing.

[Rose76]

I've wasted half the day.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Another day and we're still here.

Love to everyone. Sorry to those struggling today. HappyCheeks, you sound so nice. I hope you can start to let go of your ex soon. It's easy to say, I know. I've been in a similar situation and it was painful and demoralising.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Another day and we're still here.

Love to everyone. Sorry to those struggling today. HappyCheeks, you sound so nice. I hope you can start to let go of your ex soon. It's easy to say, I know. I've been in a similar situation and it was painful and demoralising.

[PsychNitrous]

Mixed feelings today. I'm happy and anxious about my new job, and really eager to learn more about it. I'm also sad about leaving my current job. The hardest thing is having to go through the process of dividing up my work to the others still working there, especially when I know they're still busy. But the new job is a way better opportunity, and a change that I need to make.

[Olanza-what?]

Originally Posted by PsychNitrous

Mixed feelings today. I'm happy and anxious about my new job, and really eager to learn more about it. I'm also sad about leaving my current job. The hardest thing is having to go through the process of dividing up my work to the others still working there, especially when I know they're still busy. But the new job is a way better opportunity, and a change that I need to make.

Congratulations! I wish you much success. Keep being good to you!

[nikon]

sending hugs to those struggling, and just to everyone anyway.

feel like I've had a hectic day and it's just been averagely busy in comparison to the average person's day, I guess, but i don't know how people do it... i took photos at an event today and it got really hot and i felt kind of sick the whole time, and i'm on a kind of buzz trying to edit them all. part of me really wants to be asleep right now (it's late where i am) but i am almost too tired to be asleep now. i've struggled with angry/rage thoughts today feeling like attacking people, and still in conflict about whether/how to tell my therapist about this. i've taken my meds already but i really wish i had a fast-acting sleeping pill to take right now. would not be a good sensible idea because i'm in recovery from addiction, but i really really wish i could just take something to make me sleep and not be in this overtired buzz.

I am a bit tired. I sent a song I wrote to someone, can never tell if it's any good. I had a nap yesterday afternoon and foolishly thought that meant I could stay up until five and survive on 2 hours of sleep. So judgement impaired haha.

I am up to my ears in work. It really shouldn't feel like so much, but it does. I need to breathe.

Communication with people I need to work with has been going a bit better. Need to take care of two things, but other than that, I've been on top of it rather than letting the anxiety build up. I think everything will be okay enough. I'm under no delusions of being high functioning though. There's so much more I could have even attempted, but anxiety got in the way, and sometimes the depression.

[FallDuskTrain]

Today has been awful. I have been feeling worse with each passing hour. I was planning on working out but my T session was too intense. I cried a lot. I had no energy.
I have been crying since I got home from work.
Still haven’t showered. It has been over five weeks.