[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by Ceara1010

Hey Patagonia,


Actually, pressure on the body is a type of therapy called "pressure therapy." A lot of psychiatric service dogs are trained to lay on top of their owners on command to do this. It's very helpful for calming and soothing. I'm so glad you can get this from your daughter.

Thank you. She had no idea although she likes to cuddle & I had no idea how much I missed it. Wish it lasted longer!

[Rose76]

Cooked a decent dinner for my s.o. and me, so I've regained some self-respect . . . after days of being in a rut and doing little.

[regretful]

Doing all that I can to find the positives as a means of staving off this depression...still exercising; diet is not terrible; alcohol intake has diminished to nearly zero; looking towards positives of a short trip away with my wife...the tangible "good" feeling is right there, but I just can't quite grasp it. My thoughts are with all of you struggling with this horrible affliction. May you find relief, if even only for a minute or two, today...and when you do find it, share it here as I could sure use the pick me up. Thanks.

I have been feeling down all day.

briefly thought about suicide too.

I will be glad when today is over, I feel ashamed I've wasted a whole day feeling this way

but I suppose, when you feel like it, you feel like it

I struggle with accepting that sometimes and keep blaming myself

[Ceara1010]

So I'm feeling a little down today, but I'm going to use my usual coping methods for this (gratitude threads, fun threads, humorous websites, etc.) and I should be okay. Thankfully, I'm keeping the stress at bay as the workers appear to not be showing up to work on the Harvey damage, yet again.

Everybody hang in there.

Thought I was doing okay today. I guess I still am. I just spilled coffee grounds on some clean dishes, and it weirdly upset me a lot. It's one of those things where the incident itself isn't terribly upsetting, it just makes you suddenly remember the uphill struggle of life in general.

[952p65823]

I don't feel like I can keep going, but keep going I must! Hoping for the best for all who read this.

[Rose76]

I'm a lot better tonight.

two things:

1. touch starved. I'm wearing a jacket with spikes and someone started touching them as we were talking. I just let her pat me. it was great. like, literally, she was just patting the spikes, and she didn't intend to pat me, but it was great.

2. that same person... they showed me an email their parent sent them about how to do well in their internship, and what kind of experience they should seek out now. I didn't know this was what parents did. They even read their kid's reflection on their internship, from a year ago, and attached it in this recent email....

[nikon]

yesterday I saw my psychologist and my sponsor (12-step) which was good, because I don't get to talk to people openly often. I'm trying to put in daily actions that keep me in a better frame of mind. Some things nagging at my mind... I am aware that I get a lot of irrational thoughts, like paranoid thoughts. My mind justifies keeping them secret by saying: you know they're irrational, so they're not a real problem. If you didn't realise they were irrational, then they would be a problem. Stuff like feeling like people are following me, feeling like at night there are things watching me through the windows etc. Part of me also doesn't want to talk about it because I think my dr will increase the antipsychotic medication I'm on, which I don't want.
Also had horrible dreams last night

I don't know how to put stuff under a trigger warning but this could be triggering -
I dreamt I was playing the piano and someone standing behind me touched me all over in a bad way, but I was paralysed with fear or something and couldn't move to stop them. it was scary because it feels so familiar but nothing like that has happened to me before.

[seeminglyreal]

Today marks two years of the happiest I've ever been. I fear I will never feel that way again. I try not to live longing for the past but it's so difficult when the present sucks so much.

[regretful]

It creeps back in at times, this depression, but for the most part, I'm keeping it at bay. It's just that I've found myself to be unfulfilled...two days away from the office might do me some good...As always, I'm hopeful that all of us here will find some relief, even if just for a brief period of time, today.

[PsychNitrous]

It's a gloomy, rainy day, which I know isn't helping, but I feel miserable today. I didn't want to get out of bed, and I'm already praying that none of my clients show up today so I don't have to deal with them. I should've heard about that job by now, but I haven't. I have to deal with things today that cause a lot of anxiety normally and I feel like they'll be worse than usual. I need something to fix me.

[Rose76]

Got into a good sleep last night, then my bf woke me up at 1:30 and 4 a.m. Then his care manager phoned me at 8:30 a.m. and woke me.

It's just not in the cards for me to ever get a regular, normal unbroken night's sleep.

[Ceara1010]

Originally Posted by nikon

yesterday I saw my psychologist and my sponsor (12-step) which was good, because I don't get to talk to people openly often. I'm trying to put in daily actions that keep me in a better frame of mind. Some things nagging at my mind... I am aware that I get a lot of irrational thoughts, like paranoid thoughts. My mind justifies keeping them secret by saying: you know they're irrational, so they're not a real problem. If you didn't realise they were irrational, then they would be a problem. Stuff like feeling like people are following me, feeling like at night there are things watching me through the windows etc. Part of me also doesn't want to talk about it because I think my dr will increase the antipsychotic medication I'm on, which I don't want.
Also had horrible dreams last night

I don't know how to put stuff under a trigger warning but this could be triggering -
I dreamt I was playing the piano and someone standing behind me touched me all over in a bad way, but I was paralysed with fear or something and couldn't move to stop them. it was scary because it feels so familiar but nothing like that has happened to me before.

Hi Nikon,

I have a similar problem--I was stalked for years and how can have flashbacks that it's happening again. I was on anti psychotics briefly for this, but now can keep a perspective about it on my own when I get triggered.

You seem to be able to keep your paranoia in check on your own, so I think it would be a good idea to share what is happening with your doctor. Since you are managing it well, I doubt she/he would increase your medication.

((((((Nikon)))))

[Ceara1010]

I'm feeling a little better today than I did yesterday. Today is going to be gorgeous--sunny and cool--and I plan to get out in it which I think will be great for my mood.

And of course, my new little dog is curled up next to me as I type this, and she does a lot for my well-being. And I think she is starting to get attached to me. I left her alone for the longest period yet yesterday--two hours--and I'm going to check with my neighbors to see if she caused any kind of a disturbance (barking) while I was gone. Thus far, everyone reports they can't hear anything unless they go out in the hallway, and I'm not worried about that.

We had Women's group last night at the community where I live and I got a bit triggered during the discussion. But I stayed calm and just was quiet during the group. But apparently, my being so quiet worried the interns who ran the group, and they talked to my therapist about it, who then called me last night to check on me. It was sweet of her to do that.

Of course, the workmen didn't show up again yesterday, and they are no-shows so far today. I'm going to talk to the guy who runs this place about all this today. The way this is being handled is causing me too much stress.

I'm hanging in there. All of you hang in there.

[952p65823]

I just don't know how I keep going! It's great to have a place like this to check in. I also enjoy Metafilter and Nextdoor (I don't have many friends in this relatively new-to-me city). I also can thank my pets (guinea pigs and birds) and, yes, calls and texts from my ex.

Yesterday I got a ride home from a friendly acquaintance. I wish I had the time to spend with her so that we could become friends-friends, but a friendly acquaintance is still good to have.

Today I tried to help a patient who is really, really depressed. He came in with a cough, but it turns out that his real problem is being really, really depressed. So I was able to refer him to a psychiatry and counseling center that I know will actually call him back. Let's send him some positive thoughts.

[Rose76]

I'm fairly okay at the moment. I guess that will have to do.

[nikon]

I haven't had a great day so far. it's my mom's birthday and at least I didn't forget to wish her happy birthday. I'm house sitting and the dogs kept me awake a lot during the night and got me up very early this morning. I love animals, probably love them more than people, but there's something about being left alone with dogs relying on me and them watching me all the time - with lack of sleep and my existing tendency to get extremely angry, I really feel like losing it constantly today. that's, I guess, another lot of thoughts I worry that I should tell my psychologist but hesitate to - exactly how angry I get and the fantasies that go along with it. I'm not really feeling depressed today, but frustration tolerance is really low, really easily going from "calm" to ready to explode in a few seconds etc.

[Ceara1010]

Promptly after I got up this morning I got sick and now I'm nauseous. I think its the stress from still having no routine since Harvey, and the unreliable, incompetent workmen who once again didn't show up yesterday.

Still, I was able to get out yesterday and run some errands and I had a pretty good day yesterday, too. I listened to Halloween music during the day, and work was busy with lots of people wanting to talk.

I'm determined to have another good day today despite the nausea. Hopefully it will go away if I stay positive.

Hang in there everybody.

Bought a ticket to see my mom for the holidays in December. I sometimes struggle being around her, but I feel like she's in a good enough place mentally that it will probably be okay.

The harder thing is making plans for the future. I've gotten good at taking things one day at a time, but the moment I do something like buy a plane ticket months in advance, the question starts swirling in my head: will I even be around in a few months? The answer is "more than likely", but it's still a weird, vague sense of uncertainty that is one half anxiety-related fear, and one half depression-related resignation.

Oh well, back to the present now.

[PsychNitrous]

Absolutely miserable today. I just can't bear to do anything. I really didn't want to come to work, but I can't afford to take any time off unless paid, and I only have like 2 hours of sick time accumulated. Wouldn't have helped much this week. I just want to go home and crawl back into bed and cry. Like I did all morning. I had a T appointment this morning, and I don't even feel helped by it. It was cut short, because she forgot she said she'd come in early to see me today, and she keeps focusing on my drug use. I knew it was going to be a problem to talk about it, I just don't see any reason to lie or hide it. But I don't want to focus on it, it's not important. It just left me frustrated and still sad.

[952p65823]

Well, here's a rare piece of good news. I have a physical disability (though my mental health is 10000 times more disabling). I had to throw down, as the kids say, when a superior made some inappropriate remarks about my disability a couple of weeks ago. I stayed professional (barely), but let her know I wasn't happy. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, at today's performance evaluation, she actually sounded as though she had had a change of heart, or come to a better understanding of the situation. I couldn't believe it!

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

That's great news, 952.

[Rose76]

Worked myself into a real miserable state of mind. Feel like just drinking.