[nikon]

I'm not doing great at the moment. as of now, house sitting is a big source of income for me, but i'm worried that it's not good for my mental health - being alone in different houses, broken sleep because of being on edge/pets being annoying, always waking up in different places etc. I've already committed to doing several stints of house sitting until January and without it I really don't earn much money at all. last night i got little sleep and feel really disorientated, like i don't know what day is it etc, i've showered now which feels a bit better but really don't feel that sane right now.

[Rose76]

I need s break from being constantly with ny boyfriend. I'm crackin up.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Getting better lately. Guess that's good.

I'm listening to something and what do you guys think about things like antidepressants being just "controls" to keep people from thinking, or to numb away personal or existential problems rather than confronting them and growing as a person, or simpy because you're too weak to handle life?

I'm of the mind that many, many people who take psych meds don't need them, I don't think I needed them. Hell, my mom didn't want me taking them because "How will you learn to cope with your feelings if you go running to a pill every time you feel bad?" I really wonder if that stuff is overprescribed. I didn't benefit much from them and I feel much better without them (in a way. I'm way touchier, and my mind's either empty or on overdrive. But it's better than drugs), though unlike some I don't deny that there are some people for whom it's the difference between being able to function and not. But I don't think those people are as common as they appear to be.

[nikon]

Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst

Getting better lately. Guess that's good.

I'm listening to something and what do you guys think about things like antidepressants being just "controls" to keep people from thinking, or to numb away personal or existential problems rather than confronting them and growing as a person, or simpy because you're too weak to handle life?

I'm of the mind that many, many people who take psych meds don't need them, I don't think I needed them. Hell, my mom didn't want me taking them because "How will you learn to cope with your feelings if you go running to a pill every time you feel bad?" I really wonder if that stuff is overprescribed. I didn't benefit much from them and I feel much better without them (in a way. I'm way touchier, and my mind's either empty or on overdrive. But it's better than drugs), though unlike some I don't deny that there are some people for whom it's the difference between being able to function and not. But I don't think those people are as common as they appear to be.

taking meds doesn't mean anyone is too weak to handle life - for some people, they are absolutely necessary to be able to function at their best and stand any chance of enjoying life.
also, you'd need to look at what it means to learn to "cope with your feelings". many people on meds are learning to do this as well. for many people this would require a professional to help them, and for many, if not most people, the amount of professional help it might require (without help from meds) would possibly be prohibitively expensive. maybe many more people would like to learn to cope with their feelings rather than take meds, because meds do have ****** side effects, but i don't think there are enough therapists out there, enough money, and enough time to give people the opportunity to learn coping mechanisms for all extreme emotions.

i used to hate taking meds because i thought they made me "not myself". don't know what's changed, but i know now that i would be really, really sick if i went off my meds. i think i would have to be in hospital to come off my meds because i don't know what i'd be like. at least now i can do things i couldn't before, like talk to people and not self harm, and not act out on my ed. meds just got me less distressed and then i spent a hell of a lot of time having to learn to cope with emotions.

[Ceara1010]

I'm still stressed out and nauseous from it. Not really anything else to say about this as it's all been said.

Hanging in there. Everybody hang in there.

[952p65823]

Rough day today. I hope tomorrow will be better. I dealt with the roughness by going to shop at a new grocery store tonight. I got a few extra things just for fun. I'm grateful that I can afford to buy a little extra beyond the necessities. Though I do wish that 10,000 FRUIT FLIES would leave my apartment pronto. They literally entered on a bunch of bananas that I got from this same new store last time I visited. At least they're not houseflies, which I really can't stand. And at least I'm able to keep the apartment fairly clean these days, believe it or not.

Another day tomorrow...

Early this morning started off pretty weird. First of all, I didn't sleep very well last night because of my downstairs neighbors doing some loud talking from 11 to about 1:30AM. I guess another reason I didn't sleep well was because I was very hungry when I went to bed. This morning I decided to get breakfast instead of having it at home. I rarely do that. I went and got my breakfast and went into my office to eat. One guy had to come in to explain things to me. I was 20 minutes early from my usual time and I was off the clock.

Other than that it was not that busy at work. I worked out and it went OK. The pool area has been very nice lately as no one is going in to bother me.

I talked to my friend tonight. He acted kind of weird. I'm getting the feeling that we may drift apart. I wish I could have another friend in my life that I could like better. I guess with me, guy friends usually have a self life of a few years. There had been some I stuck with for longer than I had wanted to.

[markdl]

Friday night and I'm on a depression board. SMH

[Rose76]

Past few days have been just awful. Very depressed. Deep in the terrible mire.

[Rose76]

Now I'm neglecting my responsibilities.

It's been a good long time (like a few years) that I didn't have thoughts about wanting my life to be over. Now I'm having those ideas again. Not really in danger. I just feel desperate to escape this downturn I'm in . . . and this cycle of going in and out of downturns, like a repeating cycle. It won't ever end I fear. What a hopeless feeling that gives me.

A very busy day today. I got a haircut this morning and did some shopping and cleaning. Nothing much else to report about. It's very warm outside, so I think it makes me feel tired. It feels like summer but looks like fall.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Now I'm neglecting my responsibilities.

It's been a good long time (like a few years) that I didn't have thoughts about wanting my life to be over. Now I'm having those ideas again. Not really in danger. I just feel desperate to escape this downturn I'm in . . . and this cycle of going in and out of downturns, like a repeating cycle. It won't ever end I fear. What a hopeless feeling that gives me.

Big hug, Rose. Was there anything particular that set you off?

[Etherin]

Feeling lonely again. It's embarrassing having these feelings; it makes me feel idiotic. I desire some kind of..idk I just feel alone. I want a hug. I want someone to talk to me. I'm a mess.

[Rose76]

I've been frustrated with trying to care for my bf when he resists everything that we need to get done. Also, some people in his family and in mine are acting very uncaring.

bleh

emptynightmare, I love the sarcasm behind your new avatar. It's great.

[Olanza-what?]

It's 2:20 am and I am wide awake ... oh boy

[Rose76]

I'm better than I was, which is something.

[nikon]

I'm done house sitting for now, which is a huge relief. I slept last night which was also a huge relief. today I don't feel bad but struggling to concentrate on my college work which is a constant problem (after coming out of hospital for depression recently i had a few weeks in which concentration was fine, but since then it's gone to ***** again). my ed thoughts/awareness are/is very active today, but i'm much better than the past few days generally. i stayed over at my parents' house though, as a kind of rebound - going home to my digs was kind of lonely and i was basically going to sit in my room struggling to concentrate. but my psychologist and i agree that it's unhealthy to spend much time with my parents; i just struggle to follow my own advice.

feeling quite good, even though today is a "nothing to do" day.

just cook later, and that's it

[952p65823]

I hope I have the energy to do my Sunday routines (dishes, trash, and laundry) today. I'll say this for my job--it has forced me to become very diligent with all that. I absolutely can't stink or anything, so I can't rewear "used" clothes (not that depressed people know anything about that . As for the dishes, I've put away everything except for one plate, one fork, etc., so it makes it a lot easier. I can't deal with a standard-sized kitchen's worth of dishes--I just wouldn't EVER do them.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm better than I was, which is something.

That's good. Sounds like you're doing a lot for other people but not yourself?

[Rose76]

Feeling diwn, but I'm managing to get through the day and do things. This is better than yesterday.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Take care, Rose.

It wasn't much of a weekend, at least for social stuff. Was busy today. Went to church, did the laundry, made spaghetti sauce enough for four servings, some shopping, and a one hour bike ride. Very hot outside, 95 degrees F.