I'm twelve and tried to end myself

So, my life is messed up. I'm poor. My grandma has all cancers and dementia. My dad is a phisycal worker/contractor. He makes 200 $. He isnt cause of my problems. Well in school (im 7th grade) i fallen in love with girl that's 14. She's not answering my facebook messages and I'm afraid to talk to her in person. I play volin 6 years.I even made video in 2015. I wont show you URL. But nobody but my dad cares about it. Things that made me try to kill myself were: I have unrealistic Crush, I'm ugly, i'm poor, i play instrument that cares about but my dad, and I really dont like most things my friends like. For exmpl. music, sports, and then i follow politics, geography, and im excellent student. English not as you noticed my primary language.I'm Serbian. I know my life is better than most of people that dont suffer depression. But i'm losing hope in life.Help please

Hello ilija: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. There can be a lot of support available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. And then also there are the chat rooms where, once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved, you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time. So please keep posting!

Hello. Welcome to PC. I just wanted to agree with Skeezyks and welcome you. You’ll find a lot of caring, supportive people here. Do you have somebody, like your dad, who you can talk to about how you’re feeling?

You aren't alone. And no one judges a condition as "worse" than anyone else; it is your world, your pain, poor or rich.

Continue playing the violin, continue to be a good student, continue following things that interest you and then watch and wait for other things in your life to develop as time goes on. It sounds to me like your father is supportive and believes you can be successful, so follow his example and keep moving forward.

Hi Ilija
I'm sorry you're feeling so unhappy. I also played violin for a long time. do you enjoy playing it, or is it just for your dad?
i know it's not much help right now, but things won't always be this way - the girl you like might still reply to your messages, or in a few days you might start feeling better whether she does reply or not. it's not a promise but it still might happen.
i read this quote by a famous author once, and it was a list of advice he was giving to people in general. one of the things was "you are not as fat (or ugly) as you believe".
hang in there. do you have a teacher at school you like who you could talk to about feeling so depressed?

I hope you are okay.

((((((hugs)))))))

I completely understand where you are coming from I been there myself. It sound like you are really struggling a lot with grief. I had some experience in that to. It will get better. I promised you. "In every pot hole there is hope"

You are not alone! It will matter to those who didn't know that you were feeling this way. They were grieve forever. It will affected your love ones. It will affect your friends. You just have more pain than you can cope. I lost my brother in law to suicide. I live with not knowing everyday he was depressed. I wonder if I had notice something was wrong I could have got him some help. Take care and take it easy on yourself.

((((((((( hugs ))))))))))

Welcome to pc

Super big hugs! Remember we are here for you. Have you tried looking for quotes that describe how you feel and then right it down so that you review it again? It will get better you just have to believe in yourself. "Everyone can do magic" "Be careful in what you believe in because that the world you will created for yourself " - Cassie Nightgale The good witch.

Continue to do what you enjoy doing. If it playing music writing music, reading a book, playing a violin. Than do it. Do what brings a little join in your life. Super super big hugs!

Welcome to PC!

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please make yourself at home here.

It sounds like you are feeling very stressed and down.
I'm glad you can share here so well.
I hope we can lend you support.

Please let us know how you are doing?

Take good care of yourself.


WC

Have you tried watching Magic Beyond about JK Rowling real life. I found this helpful. Listening to Evanescence Going Under, Everybody Fools.

I agree with nikon. Speaking to a teacher that you like could be helpful.

Well nothing brings joy to me anymore. Except when looking in her, thinking on her, just her. I'm not suicidal anymore. Under " ". I'm trying to hide my depression. And I even became a pathological liar. Like I said earlier my life is messed up.Really messed up. If I said to anyone I'm suicidal and depressed everything would just be 100 times more complicated. If I could I would. But I can't fix what's broken in pieces. That's my life. I can talk to all of you because I don't even know you. I only see your profiles.That is why it is easier to talk with you.Because you aren't part of my life. But this depression situation. I only tried to talk to my crush. And she blocked me. Of course on facebook. I tried thinking rationally. She doesn't care about me so I should just stop loving her. But then I thought about my mistakes. First of im ugly, and socially-stupid person.Second I'm poor and her dad owns a local contracting company.She doesnt need me. Third thing wrong with me is that I'm in low number of friends. I try thinking of future. But everything falls down as I think about love.I know you cant help and time will probably heal all the wounds. But I'm affraid of me doing harm to myself... THank you people you sure are good, loving, and caring and thank you. Now, if you read all the way go and help those who need it.My case is hopeless i'l try being NOT suicidal.Again thank you. GOD bless you all...

i dont know why my posts are not published?

The reason you did not see your posts right away is New Members posts are reviewed by a staff of volunteers so delays can happen. Sorry for the delay. Once you get 5 approved posts your posts will appear right away.

Welcome to PC. You are young and you have your life ahead of you. There's so much you can do. We are all here for you (((hugs)))

I lost both of my parent who had cancer my dad was eat up with cancer. My mom, brothers and myself had attempt suicide and my brother in law had committed suicide. It will affect those around if you committed suicide they will grief over the lost. It will cause complicated grief which is the worst kind of grief there is. Have you watch Teal Swan what to do when you are thinking about suicide it has help me when I was on that ledge on youtube. Or The rock talk about his depression

Your not sad because your grandma has cancer and dementia or the girl your in love with isn't answering your messages. Your sad because you feel like you have no one to turn to. Being a lone is so much lonelier when your going through changes in your life when it the time of your life when you are trying to figure out who you are. Whatever you don't have can feel so overwhelming when you see other have what you don't have. Have you watch Mixed Nuts that has Steve Martin in it? I think you should watch it.

This movie pump up the volume had spoken out to me a lot when I was a teenager pump up the volume. These are just quotes. But the messages is just because your going through a rough time doesn't mean you mess up necessary. Just because you may feel suicidal now doesn't mean it won't get better later on.

Mark Hunter: Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up.

This quotes here meaning that just because you feel like committing suicide doesn't means you have to committed suicide why not express how you feel. Write about play a song write song express how you feel scream at that those who hurt you if it would get them to leave you alone.
Mark Hunter: They say I'm disturbed. Well, of course I'm disturbed. I mean, we're all disturbed. And if we're not, why not? Doesn't this blend of blindness and blandness want to make you do something crazy? Then why not do something crazy? It makes a helluva lot more sense than blowing your ****ing brains out.

I wish that I could be there right now and give you a super big hug. It will get better. I had a friend who had told me that his dad told him about this story about a father who didn't have much live very poor but he always made sure that his son had food in his stomach clean clothes, and a roof over his head. Even though the house look pretty crappy and he had no utility only the log of fire to cook, heat and clean his clothes with while everyone who had no power who live better off in then he did he had more than those who were well financially off because while they were freezing and hungry in the cold winter storm? He and son were warm, and had food in their stomach. Even though you may feel like your life is pointless or hopeless there is always someone else that had less than you are in far worse than you or may have more than you who are trapped in a situation they can't or won't get out of.

I agree you have so much to live for.

First - you said "I know my depression is not as bad as others" .. No matter the "reason" - if the pain is severe enough you want to end your life or try to end your life, then it is by no means to be minimized in any way. Your pain is just as great - and maybe more so - than any other "depressed" person. This is why we do not compare one person's pain to the other's - there is no accurate way of doing so. My dog passed away a couple months ago. I cried like a baby for weeks. Some, would just shrug their shoulders and go on with life. Still others may try to end their life. Same event - different amounts of pain. And even if we see one person crying n another not - that does not mean the one not crying is not hurting, that person may even be hurting more. Asking a person does no real good either because some will lie, some can't describe it well and some will just never understand no matter how well someone describes it. So there is no accurate measure. No way to compare. Don't try. Just know your pain is important - always. *hugs*

Next - you keep saying you are ugly. I honestly don't know you so I can't say one way or the other but - I can say 2 things:
1. Depressed people often see themselves as ugly either on the inside or outside, or both.
2. People your age are going through an "awkward stage" in maturity. Your body will look out of proportion, you may have acne, your voice may start cracking, you might start getting your beard in and your hormones are going nuts (this isn't just a sexual thing, it affects your emotions and your physical well being also).

I know its not easy, I had a horrendous childhood once I hit the age of 12 because my mom died and I started being abused, but, try to be good to yourself - even if nobody else is. Make friends with a teacher if needed. My 10th grade science teacher saved my life just by showing she cared. Talk to your guidance counselor if that may help.

I was a violin player in school too. When I got really upset - I would go to my room, tell my Dad and step mom I was "practicing", and dig out a song in my violin book that I liked and just play from my heart. Then I would go to another. I kept on til I was calm. Sometimes I cried while playing. Its ok to cry.

You said the girl rejected you. I once tried to ask a guy out because no guys were asking me out and I found this one guy really nice and attractive. He and everyone else laughed at me. I understand your pain. I am here to tell you, you can get through it. You can rise above it. I won't tell you "everything will be ok" because I don't know if it will. I don't know if your grandfather will die from cancer. I don't know if your dad will get a good job. I don't know when you will get a girlfriend.

What I do know - you can rise above this. You are stronger than you think. You have a friend in me if nowhere else, I promise. ❤