Will considering a career change help with my depression ?

I was a reasonably happy child and an average kid during my school and university. Ok, there was a bit of bullying and fat shaming in my younger years, but I found mechanisms to cope or counter insult people who tried to insult me or shame me and I always coped over keeping the bullies and idiots in their place. I was good at talking my way through situations.

My university days were better, I was more out-going, made more friends, was partying and having fun.

It was at my first job when reality struck and I struggled with a highly technical job which required me to program computers and I wasn't good at it.

It was during this period when I went into long periods of sadness because I was struggling to get stuff done on my own and failing and needing help from peers.

Clearly, I was in the wrong job.

But I stuck on and kept doing what I could do and slowly even managed to grow up the ladder a little bit.

But my long periods of depression started cycling from here on and fluctuating weight gain and weight loss etc.

I have had multiple thoughts of quitting and doing something else but didn't know what else to do.

Now it's been nearly 14 years and here I am still cycling with my depression. I am bored and not happy with the work I do.

Would a career change help alleviate my depression?

I honestly still don't know what I would do next?
I am in a job that pays well and pays the bills.

Have any of you found that changing jobs or careers have helped with your depression ?

I am more than certain that it was my work that caused my depression. So if I quit or changed careers, would I do better?

If you think it's doing you more bad than good, sure, you can change career if you want. However, your job might not be the only cause, and in that case changing career would help, but the depression would still stay.
Before you do anything, though, I think it's important that you think about what career path to pursue.
Have you considered seeing a therapist?

I run a business. I stepped out of it a few years back for a job with a bit of promise - it was a good move for me. However, pressures from running a business (it didn't stop when I left, my wife ran it) led me to leave the job. That was a bad move. Now thinking of a career change again. For me, the change was good; jumping back into the fire of running a business was probably not the wisest choice for me. Hope that is helpful.

Hi icreateidestroy,

I don't know if you still program computers, but if you do it is a job that takes much of your energy. First depressions "steal" from your energy and adding to that comes your job.

I don't know what advice to give because if you take a new education, you need a lot of energy to do that. If I were you I would have used some time to find out more about what is really you problems (to write it down may be helpful).

You refer to your student days in this way: "I was more out-going, made more friends, was partying and having fun."

Do you think the same will happen now (you are 14 years older)?
Do you have any ideas about how to find more friends in your life now?
What can you do to be more outgoing now?

Since you have no ideas about what an other job would be, I would have written down your interest, if I were you.

Do you like the outdoor? (Is work outside something that will not be too draining for your brain)?
Would it be OK for you to have a less paid job, like a truck driver, a waiter and so on?

Is there something else you miss in your life? If so, what must you do to reach it?

Hope reflecting around these questions and others may help you to find out how to live as best you can with your depression.

It often is so that when we have had depression (may be on and off) for some years, it has become chronic in nature. Then the question is not how to get rid of it, but how to live best with it.

@ MickyCheeky
Thanks for writing in.
I have currently been referred to a psychiatrist and am waiting for the referral to come through after me finally deciding to seek help after 14 years of struggle. I have a follow-on appointment with my GP next Friday. I had my bloods tested and everything came back as normal.

@Regretful:
Thanks for writing in and sharing your experience.

@Singer47, [Edited to add stuff at 19:49 GMT]

Great questions and spot on. I didn't want to make it much of a longish post, but since you have pointed out, I think it maybe warrants more explanation.

I still work in Engineering, but don't program computers anymore. I struggled a lot during my years as a software programmer. I moved into software tester role and also later progressed into leading a team of test engineers.

But if I have to be honest I struggled with low self-esteem for many years (probably still do), because in my mind I felt I lost in the fight and that I was sidelined into a test role (with no disrespect to other test engineers or the profession) because I was not a good software programmer. Also, my friends and batchmates were fairing well and progressing into Software architect or development manager roles.

I always grew up being compared to my high-flying cousins (by my dad) one of whom is now a doctor and another is an investment banker. I was body shamed by my own dad and put down in front of people and family on numerous occasions, but I had imagined I didn't let all that bother me too much, come to think of it, I think I have it in my head that I am not good enough.

I am now married for 12 years and a 5-year-old boy, and I certainly am NOT missing out on "going out, partying and having fun" like the way I did in my 20's. I just wrote that as it seemed like having fun came more naturally and easily when I was younger. I have a reasonable social circle and some really good friends and do get invited to get-togethers and social gatherings and there are occasions when we have to play host as well, which I get feedback that I am a good host. But in my depressed phases, it's always a struggle and I put up a face during those meeting and lunches and dinners. I come back to my depression and sadness and guilt and feeling stuck.

What I really like doing and enjoy:
I am a people person and I enjoy films, photography and writing to some extent. I used to write a blog many years ago about life in general and had a few positive comments from time to time. I tried my hand at writing film reviews and book reviews.

I enjoy nature and outdoors. I have thought I may do better in HR and considered an MBA in HR.

I enjoy motorcycle riding. I used to be part of a riding club and have done cross-country riding over long distances, both solo and as part of groups.

At one point, about 8 years ago, I took up theatre (in addition to coping with work) and also performed in a play to see if I enjoyed acting. I did enjoy it and it worked great until it lasted and then I was back to being my depressed self.

I do enjoy films and enjoy the characters intensely and have thought I would have perhaps done better in films or across some aspect of filmmaking.

But then again, I am currently paying a car loan and we are also loosely talking about buying a house, which we can afford just now with a mortgage, with both me and my wife earning. If I make a decision to quit my job and do something new, then it will have a huge financial impact.

My wife wants to have a second baby as time is passing by and I feel I am struggling with my depression and ups and downs. I too would love a second child, but am also worried if it is something we (or I) can handle with the struggle of handling my own depression.

My best friend and my wife tell me it's my job as I take a lot of stress from work and that I should quit. If I quit, I may be much less stressed for some time. But I am also worried what if I don't find what is it that I wish to do next ? and what if I get onto something and remain depressed?

I think what I am trying to figure out if it is really my work that is causing my depression ? or if I am generally depressed regardless?

I have written a more detailed and longish post here ->
https://forums.psychcentral.com/depr...ards-life.html

I am very tired now when reading. I want to come back and give you a proper answer when I have more time and energy. I cannot promise that the answer will come tomorrow. Please be patient with me.

No worries, thanks for writing the short note to let me know you will write later. Really appreciate it.

Get rest and have a good weekend.

Thank you for adding the link, so it became more easy to understand your situation!

I hope I don’t make your day worse by telling you that I got 3 main-ideas in my head after reading about all this:

My first thought was that you perhaps still struggle to try to be good enough for your father (your unconscious remembering of him). To be well can make you feel good enough, but at some time all his critique (still unconscious) starts again and you fall into depression. (These are only my thoughts, but I wanted to mention them for you so you can think a bit around them). May be thinking about it may help you to really want to do something about it (with professional help this time). I mean you cannot change the past, but now you are a grown up and can decide what to do for yourself.

My second thought was that what you describe seems a lot like bipolar disorder (light; that is 2 or cyclothymia).

And my third thought was that you DESERVE a good therapist.

In general: Both unipolar depression (usually called only Depression) and bipolar depression is about some sort of inherited vulnerability and a first trigger from outside that makes «the seeds to bloom». A Depression (unipolar) can be treated and never come back or it can come back from time to time or become chronic if the stress continues. An onset of bipolar disorder is an onset of a chronic disorder, but chronic does not mean always. This disorder can improve with right therapy. There are tools to learn to prevent. In both cases (depressed or bipolar) have the main responsibility for taking care and use the tools available is our own.
………………………………

Sorry, I deleted what should have stood here by an accident. I don’t have the energy to retype, but short what is what about: I advised you to find out what kind of therapy your insurances cover, - to eventually take some calls and find out who treats bipolar disorder with therapy and not medications only. (Say that you have had mood shifts in many years and want to be helped whatever diagnose you have). After all you have tried, you DESERVE to have a good therapist who is willing to take your problems seriously. Even if some of us have «seen» the bipolarity in you, you cannot be sure to have that diagnose. It might be something else. Whatever diagnose you are given, please cooperate with the therapist.

It is a big step to seek therapy. Trust me, we have all been there, but when the first step is taken the rest is more easy even if therapy goes a bit up and down. Remember you are not whatever diagnose you are given. You are you and the way you have presented yourself here, I think you can think well about yourself.

The problems around having more children or find a new type of work belongs in your future therapy. Please remember that what triggered your symptoms at first, does not have to be the same that make your depression continue now.


When I have made a point out of that you DESERVE therapy, I have thought that after all you have been true, you need a good coworker (therapist) and not medication alone. Don't be satisfied with medication only!

…………………………….

An informative link to Bipolar disorder:
https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages...r-disorder.htm


An informative link to Depression:
https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/depression.htm


I wish you well!

very interesting topic!

To me, depression never allowed me to get where I wanted to be, professionally. I started studying to be a lawyer when I got into a difficult time and had to leave it on hold. Many years have passed, and although I work a lot and pay my bills, I want to be satisfied and have a career that would make me truly happy. I just returned to school to study Psychology and I don't know what will be the outcome of someone who endured a mood disorder for so long to perform in the same field professionally, but I have this deep urge and passion to help others with my own experience and soon with academic knowledge. I'm aware that it won't bring me a desirable financial return and I may even make less money than what I do now (at least in the first years), but at this point in life happiness and emotional stability (that I hope to achieve with it) is way more important than anything else, because without it I'm not sure for how long I'm going to be able to cope.

Furthermore, I believe that you should follow your heart, but carefully. Be very certain of your possibilities and If it fits both your passion fulfillment and your financial needs. You can always research and slowly study this move. I support your decision if that will bring you happiness, although nothing is perfect. Don't let the rocks in this path discourage you.
Be well.

@Singer47

First, huge thanks for taking the time to read my long posts and reply with a well-thought-out detailed response.

It's a shame some of what you had written got accidentally deleted and you had to re-write a concise version, I hate it when it happens to me.

From all the reading I have been doing post meeting my GP, I also now have more reason to believe what I have is a version of Bipolar, I have had one episode of what ticks all the boxes for mania, in 2004 or 2005, when I was had grandiose behaviour, spending beyond my earning on a credit card, constant racing thoughts, incessant talking and announcing really huge plans (like quitting my job and making a movie, or doing an MBA from an ivy-league, without having the credentials or preparation) without any clear plans for achieving them.

A few close friends mentioned that they were seeing a different me and if everything was OK? A friend even today reminds me of that phase when according to him I was super hyper.

This phase was also pre-fixed with a few positive things happening at work and I was getting recognition for my contribution, communication, relationship building etc.

After this was a really long slump of depressed phase and I went extremely quiet, withdrawn, and lived a life of self-neglect trying to drown my sorrows in alcohol, cigarettes, films and the internet. This was also a phase when I lived on my own in a different city, so it was easier to do without my parents knowing for a really long time. My wife was working in another country and she knew and tried in vain to help me over the long-distance.

Years later, in retrospect, I thought that was just me letting small success get to my head and over-estimating my capabilities.

I never associated it with depression or bipolar at the time, and friends and family were none the wiser.

I thought I just had to get over my self-pity and be stronger with my willpower and get my act together.

It was only much later after many more longish episodes of sadness and self-neglect, that I did think I was dealing with depression, but one of my close friend (whom I respect a lot and take his opinion seriously) kept telling me there was no such thing called depression and it was just bad attitude, laziness, lack of drive, motivation etc. So I had more reason to believe it was just me and I could fix it myself if I was more disciplined and motivated.

Apart from that one super-hyper (I would classify this as the mania) phase in 2004/05, I have had a more recent episode (this was more controlled and I was actually productive in this phase, I wouldn't classify this as mania) of high-productivity, high-ambition, high-energy and performing and coping really well at work and putting in long hours, which felt very unusual and unnecessary to everyone around me, but was just ambition and going where I wanted to go for me.

I have mentioned this phase in my other post as well, where I was waking up really early and going to sleep really late and being super productive, getting work done, cooking, spending time with my little guy, socialising and being there for everyone and I was thoroughly enjoying this phase! until something happened, some trigger ( I don't know what this is!) and a super slump and downward spiral from there on.

I did also splurge a lot of money in this more recent high-phase under the guise of treating myself for all the hard work I am putting in, like spending a significant chunk of money out of pocket to upgrade a paid for economy flight ticket to business class etc, buying expensive gadgets that I really did not need. And I was NOT doing this on disposable income, it was on interest-free credit schemes and money that could potentially go into savings.

The down-phase started in May/June this year and up-until-now has been a super low depressed phase, self-neglect and weight gain of over 33 lbs up until now.

I am just fed up of this up phase and down phase cycling, physically, mentally and emotionally!

Anyway, I am glad I have taken the first step by seeking professional help in getting better or dealing with my condition better.

I did think about my suppressed anger and angst about my father that has been built into my subconscious mind during my growing up years has to be dealt with. Although my rational, reasoning mind says, I have to let go of the past, I think my subconscious mind is unable to and I have vivid memories of being insulted from my childhood.

So I met a hypnotherapist only recently to see if that would help, I went for 2 sessions and didn't see it going anywhere and it was after that I went to meet my GP and come out clean.

I only recently discovered this forum and feel like I am understood for the first time in a long time. My wife is super understanding and supportive, but there are times when I feel she just doesn't understand and I don't blame her for that.

Thanks for the reference links, I am NOT a huge fan of meds and have grown up not eating meds easily unless absolutely required. So I will seek the advice and help of a good therapist like you have suggested and to be honest, am willing to accept medication if that will help keep my mood constant.

Sorry for the long post again and thank you! Much appreciate it.

Cheers

@CF17

Thanks for writing in and sharing your personal story. That is another thing, that I keep asking myself, what is truly calling, I am constantly searching to seek what makes me truly happy. I hope with therapy, it will become clearer to me as to what will make me truly happy and I will be able to embark on that new journey.

And good wishes on your journey! It's incredible that you are studying psychology with an intention to help people. You will certainly understand the pain and struggle of people seeking your help better than someone who has never experienced it, I would imagine.

Good luck!

I was not a big fan of meds either. I had heard that medication was only for them not willing to do the necessary change. People who know little about mental disorders are saying so much stupid ... It took me a long time (years) to be willing to try the meds. I am not 100% helped, and they have some side effects. Still I take them because I know that all in all I feel better now. The meds are not magic pills for those not willing to try, but it helps with the mood. I still have to be aware of triggers and adjust my life so that I can live well with this disease. I still have to do physical exercises, do relaxation exercises, eat regularly and try to keep a sleep regime that is OK for my total health.

Send good hopes for you!

Thanks again Singer47! I struggle with finding what my triggers are, and still don't know to be honest.

I have successfully done in the past a regular exercise and meditation practice, and said sleep times and sticking to this routine greatly helped.

What I struggle now is to get back to this routine. I start and give up multiple times, and it takes me months before I stick to the routine and from then on it's an upward journey for 4 to 6 months. And then again, it's a downward spiral.

Thanks, hopefully, my referral comes through soon and I with help, I can get over this.