confessions of little turtle with love

I am bored....I have been thinking about how my wife hurt me Saturday...
she brought up a problem that was very disturbing...I was very angry...
I would like a valium 5....but that is not too good for me right now...
I could get dependent on valium again...instead I will walk...

I am back from my walk...I don't need the valium now...and I don't want more coffee....and it is too early for wine...I drink wine every day...I know you are not
supposed to use alcohol when taking celexa..but I do it....

my church friends would say that I am a sinner...
my friend that just died would call them mistakes...
I am now saying I did some things that I regret..
I am an OK guy...the biggest thing that hit me was MENTAL ILLNESS..
most people out there in the real world don't understand what happens..

for my own wellbeing---------------------
I probably should have never gotten married..
I probably should have never had kids..
I had no idea what was going to happen to me---2 more breakdowns..
but now I am dealing with the present...I am married and have kids
AND I AM VERY OLD...

my message today-----MENTAL ILLNESS is very real...there is hope..but
it can be very very difficult to deal with...we are all VERY COURAGEOUS...

I feel so GUILTY AND SORRY that I put them through so much...my wife and kids..
they were not loved ....I wasn't loved ....I was never really loved by anybody..
I was just being used...and my father never wanted another kid like me...so my tears will help...

I am probably a guy who hasn't known healthy love ...from parents..
and I certainly don't seem to be able to deal with love in marriage..
it is a big responsibility...bigger than I ever could imagine...

I believe now that I need to deal with this ####....
it has been making me sick...confession time
i understand fully why people want to get high...

Yeah mental illness exhausts me. I will try to remember your words....
And I m thankful that I got such a caring bf.

Mental illness doesn't just affect the individual, it affects the people around him/her too. Sometimes in more deadly ways than you can imagine. And it affects the whole mankind eventually. But mental illness is far more common than thought... and we don't know the first thing about it.

we don't know very much...
some things we do know...
like the cause of pellagra...
and that hypothyroid can look like depression..

little turtle, it's so good to hear from you! We know very little indeed, and the stigma is great, most psychiatrists cannot provide therapy, it's all very disastrous indeed! But if I manage to get in med school, and finish it, I will be sure to make my contribution in the field of study of the neural system... no matter how small, I know it'll make a difference.

yes... we need you...

Thank you!

what should I do with all my patients...I don't have enough time...
my boss told me.....use more drugs and talk less...that was his solution to the problem
of depression...and today if 1 anti-depressant doesn't work use 2...and if needed add
abilify....if that works for you it is important...but somehow somewhere this has caused me a lot of suffering...myself and my patients...

I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I think that a Doctor should be able to make there own decisions about any patient without higher up's telling them how to treat there own patients!!!!!!! (((((((HUGS)))))))

little turtle, would you mind me asking which specialization did you do?

sure....I am a board certified psychiatrist...

Why does life suck so much?

Many doctors suffer from mental disorders, usually while practicing if not during med school. I just hope we can find something to cure mental illness, it'd significantly reduce everything negative. Contrary to the popular belief, I believe we should have more and more people diagnosed and treated. My parents do not visit a psychiatrist and they need it more than I do. Trust me, I have gone crazy because of them. I am also inbred, while also being a victim of their psychological experiments. I am truly a goner.

what kind of treatment do people need...

Meds : They should be more effective and have less side effect. I am not a pharmacologist and I do not know how drugs work in the human body, but if possible they should also be able to reverse structural abnormalities. If not meds, what else can?

Therapies : There should be more and more therapies available for all kinds of mental disorders, ranging from talk therapy to electroshock therapy for disorders ranging from neurosis to psychosis. At least where I live, we don't have access to such luxuries, unless in extreme cases, where the doctor electroshockes the patient.

Counseling : We need more and more awareness for mental disorders, for god's sake, it could have saved many lives like mine. Parents and relatives should be educated about mental illness in such a way that they'll remember it isn't their child's fault he is mentally ill, and most important of all, IT AFFECTS THE FUNCTIONALITY OF THE INDIVIDUAL. And also, BAD PARENTING LEADS TO BAD CONSEQUENCES IN FUTURE FOR CHILDREN. NOT MAGIC OR GOD'S WILL.

We just need more awareness, commitment and research. Then we'll get somewhere. Unfortunately, I don't have the hands to help.

I was also thinking of controlled ECT and TMS....these are not so common in India. The doctor needs to talk to the patient more, not prescribe meds/therapy based solely on feedback from the caregivers and work with the patient till they find the med combo that suits the patient the best.

Our doctors do no receive the same education as the American ones. I do not live in a metro city but we have the facility of ECT, but it's discouraged I guess, but that's largely due to our thinking towards mental illness. When I am in the waiting room, I observe some patients take as much as 20 minutes while the rest like me take only about 3-4 minutes. My psych doc just asks if everything is well, how it went for my medical examination, and then checks my blood pressure and prescribes me meds which aren't too different from the previous ones. It shouldn't work like that.

But who am I to raise my voice? I don't want end up killed in public.