confessions of little turtle with love

Yes scary results to lab tests

The first scary result was when Papa Bear and I were trying for a baby

I had a blood test and the doctor (an older doctor) told me I had “high prolactin”

She said to come back in a couple of months, and said that it might make it harder to get pregnant, but that I still could get pregnant.

I had another blood test, still high prolactin.

I had ..another blood test. I received a call from the burocrazzy. Poor spelling intentional

A junior doctor wanted me to come into the surgery. My doctor was on holiday

She said I had a “brain tumour” and that I would need “tablets and an operation”

I was stunned and said “that’s not very nice”



She replied with simply ... “why?”



She said I would need an X RAY

At the HOSPITAL they told me they hadn’t done x rays for this for years.

Little turtle, do you think I’m “a weak person” and “hopeless”?

Or do you think some doctors are INCOMPETENTS?

(Btw a million apologies for boring anyone in the world if I ever mentioned this before, sarcasm intended. I’m not perfect. I get angry when bad things keep happening and when people treat me like garbage )

fuzzy I don't see you as weak or hopeless...
I see the world[life] as unsafe/unfair/scary/crazy/strange/awful....
and they call us names...this life is really tough going...very hard

I think the world is that way as well... gggggggrrrrrrrrrr

And they call us names. I’m not impressed

....

wow ice-cream. yummy!

How could the junior doctor say that you had brain tumor without doing an x-ray? How irresponsible!

You know fuzzy even I want to have babies in the future.
But my dopamine and oxytocin are so low...there are times when I fear if I'll be able to take care of a baby. I feel so horrible. I feel I'm not normal. To want to take care of a baby when you're in your late 20s or 30s ought to come naturally!

Little turtle, do you think this can get ok in the future?

I don't know desiree...why is your oxytocin low...

i am trying to meditate every day...i don't know how...i am just trying to pay attention to breathing...getting ready to face the HIGHWAY AND TOWN...i will be looking for those going left of center....fearful

I don't know. I just feel that it is low.

Hi little turtle. ... ?

I try to meditate sometimes, it doesn’t really help

I hope it goes ok for you today little turtle

Love,
Fuzzy

meditation----
it didn't work for me today..
I am down in the dumps..
nothing looks good but valium..
and that may be a problem for me..

I had a new Benzo refill recently. I had been down to one 5mg diazepam a day.. I have a fixed amount prescribed a month and I don’t have to speak to a dr, which is good for me as I don’t find them helpful.......

But at the moment I’m taking more to sleep ...probably not so good,..

(Been in this cycle many times..)

Little turtle, I’m sorry meditation didn’t work for you today and that you’re down in the dumps. I always appreciate our chats and your loving and hopeful approach to this world and life... and to your friends here

This thread feels safe and warm compared to a lot of places

(((((( Desiree ))))))

I agree, I also think that junior doctor was irresponsible

I think you do want to take care of a baby but your Depression is telling you lies about yourself.. and it’s very hard to feel good about self when so tired from anxiety, depression, and the other stuff we put up with..

thanks so much fuzzy...I just had an idea...
we could have another bus called the BENZO BUS....

So I’ll have to drive that bus as well, ok cool

Thanks fuzzy! Yeah I think so too. I feel affectionate toward babies and animals, it's just that I m too low in energy and physically weak and sick all the time and feel I'll be too tired to take care of them. But my bf wants babies - 2-3 - I want too - it's just that I m scared.


I told one of my friends in PC about my problem. He said one should start with loving oneself first. Self love is very imp and you need to accept yourself as you are. Also that our brain is too tired bc of being on low dopamine for a long time ....

Im angry too...grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
There is so much hate....

Meditation doesn't help me either.
But breathing exercises and walking help me a lot. Help me to get more oxygen and I feel more energetic.

I will be 87 y.o. in august....I am on my way down now both physically and mentally..................................................................................................
so I still am dealing with my mental illness...I am sad and fearful...and mad...I can't believe how hard life is...I am still like a child ....
despite some serious breakdowns I have had a pretty good life...
I am still here to get help and give help...I am riding on the FUZZY BUS and the
BENZO BUS.....I hope someone here will be with me...I don't want to be alone...
I want a safe driver and some KIND people...

Little turtle, I try to be kind as you know, and I’ll try to be a safe bus driver.

I don’t know why life sucks so much

Little turtle, I am there with both you and fuzzy.

when I had my first breakdown...I was like a 19 y.o. child hitting the REAL WORLD...
I didn't know what hit me...all I knew was I lost my confidence...I was in my room for 2 weeks not talking...

I guess I had a nervous breakdown too and I lost all my memory to that.

I was a 19 year old child and the “real world” hit me..

Hello little turtle