confessions of little turtle with love

I don't want to die...
I have been trying to change my past...
I have not been able to do it..
I probably will continue doing this..
I hope I can one day just drop it in the garbage can..
my 87th birthday is coming up soon..
I just am a little turtle...

My username doesn't actually make sense, a chemist is surrounded by colleagues and shouldn't feel lonely. Furthermore being a fact that he is indeed a chemist, he mustn't have had been caged by two psychotic people.

I don't want to die either but I don't want to live. I am scared of death. But if I had a gun I would have shot myself in the head as many times as I can.

tlc--why are you so angry at yourself...
I am angry at me ...because I have a mental illness..
I don't accept that I should have a mental illness..
so my thinking is kindof screwed up...

It's because of my psychological trauma. I pretend I know everything. I am grandiose (although not delusional.) It comes due to the fact nothing is right with me, starting right from birth 'till now. Peers laugh at me, teachers call me worthless, doctors feel pain... can never achieve my dream of independence, it isn't my fault, yes, but I don't want to live like this. I have attempted suicide by ingesting pills so many times.

you are still alive...

I am. But my brain isn't fully. What's the point if I cannot eat with one hand, to aim as something like becoming a surgeon? To be a physician I'd need a calm mind and excellent communication skills. Hell, I am worried whether I'd get into med school or not, despite the fact I am brilliant. I am brilliant, I know it because I have survived so much abuse yet I am still able to pass the class... especially as a science student. My memory about what I study is fairly intact as I recall while I am studying. That's considering what happened to me throughout all my life.

Isolation, abuse, injury, infection, not letting your child learn how to live life, that's going to have an awesome outcome. Yeah.

I have been on a lot of psych drugs...
there is no drug in the world that will fix my problems...
all the anti-depressants just shut my emotions down..
valium was the only drug that helped me...
valium didn't fix my problems but it helped...

I just have not accepted what has happened to me....
I am having trouble accepting reality...
I don't like reality...it is ugly out there..
people are being terrible to each other...
I just don't want to hide anymore..

please see you-tube------------NICK,no arms/no legs

There's no hope for people like us.

My friends out there are having fun and just enjoying life the way they were supposed, here I am, "study, study, study, then do something you have no interest in. Or at least die trying." Which doctor is going to fix this? What about things I never learned?

I have family around me right now. Cannot watch it right now.

BS...you have some CHOICES...

which doctor????you are going to fix you...otherwise you can wait a long time...

Where has everyone else gone?

fuzzy who is on the bus....you and me

((((((( little turtle )))))))

I feel terribly alone this morning...
I am grieving the death of my friend..
I miss him...

I am sorry to hear of you're loss. My thoughts are with you.

thanks thirty shades....
reality is a bummer...

(((((little turtle)))))

((((((( little turtle )))))))

I am feeling perfectly good. In my private dictionary there are no negative emotions.

Life is cruel, when it steals away those we love

I need a valium..

I totally empathise with your need for valium, only drug that helps me. I reserve my limited supply for helping me out of my hole when stuck at rock bottom. I hope you have some...

Big hug Little Turtle

I didn't take my 5mg valium tablet...
I also save my valium for stuck in a hole...

now I am thinking -----------
love is patient
love is kind

for all of us

Much love to you at the bottom of your hole Little Turtle.

You are not alone and love will bring you back
As you so wisely say
love is patient
love is kind