I was lying in bed before getting up at 7:30 AM. Had all kinds of horrible thoughts in my mind. It's been that way every morning since being away from home. The would ifs questions come up like: would if I got sick while away from home, would if I get into an accident, etc. I'm all alone on my vacation. I wanted it that way, but I felt like I got in over my head. But after having breakfast, I felt much better.

It's partly cloudy outside this morning and the weather forecast says that it will be that way all the way until I leave. Much better than yesterday when I took that long drive with rain and fog. I feel homesick. There's no TV in the cottage I'm staying at and the Wi Fi signal comes in and out. At least I'm lucky to have that.

Today I plan on an outing. I can't seem to just sit still. But I feel like I have to get away or I'll feel lousy. Getting away helps.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by sky457

Worried about our environment.....hopefully we can fix our environmental problem...before we cant...

I’m worried about some of the reports coming out about our environment too.

[88Butterfly88]

I was very depressed this morning but I feel okay now.

[MissCrazy]

Rough day but better than yesterday. Cleaning half the day. Dinner made. Even managed to dye my hair. So exhausted now. Just wanna go to sleep and it's only late afternoon

It turned out that I had a pretty good day. I was gone for most of the day and was busy looking around. Now I'm starting to feel a little bit at home. On the other hand, it won't be long before I'll be heading home. The vacation will be over. This is the first time I've been a long way from home in 7-8 years. I don't remember having so much anxiety in the past on my trips as I have this time. Maybe I had them, but have forgotten about it. Within a couple of days, my vacation will wind down and then I will anxiety about returning home and getting back to work. The vacation has been great so far. I'll probably miss it when it's over with.

no sleep, really stiff back, confused over what day it is, unmotivated

not the best start to wednesday

hopefully today is better than yesterday though- I don't think anything could be worse.. I got so little done

[Deilla]

I have a doctor's appointment today. I had a terrible time getting dressed. My cat whined cause he wanted attention. With my limited mobility it takes me forever to get dressed. I'm so frustrated.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I have a doctor's appointment today. I had a terrible time getting dressed. My cat whined cause he wanted attention. With my limited mobility it takes me forever to get dressed. I'm so frustrated.

I hope your doctor appointment goes well. I can definitely relate to limited mobility. It’s frustrating.

[Rose76]

Improved a lot last night after reconciliation with S.O.

[Sunflower123]

Got my cast off today after 3 weeks which was great. My hand feels strange and is not fully functional. I guess I thought once the cast came off I’d be set and ready to go. Not so.

I didn’t sleep last night and am not doing well today.

Best wishes to all.

I am writing mostly in the accountable thread for the time being. I'm feeling a bit sad and confused. I have had both positive and negative progress in my life since the summer. The positives are that I have added new activities into my life; participate in more social "things". The negatives are that I have put so much energy into the new activities that I have not been able to continue with my "old activities", among other relaxation exercises and physical morning activities.

I hope to manage better by being more and more clever to use a fixed schedule for each day. I think that it takes time to establish a new pattern.

It is very close to the usual starting of my SAD for the winter, so I must, some way or other, be able to find the balance between rest and activity. Too much activity will make me tired and spoil it for me. Too little activity will give negative thoughts more space and "spoil" my progress that way.

It seems so difficult ...

I took it easy today. I just went on a two-hour walk. The trail started near the place I'm staying at. I felt very relaxed. Met some friendly people. It's been a long time since I've get myself into real nature. Walked on a trail with trees and occasional fields for horses and cows. Yea, I'm really out in the sticks!

Tomorrow is my last full day at where I'm staying. The time went by so fast, it's hard to believe. It wasn't long ago that I got here. When I get here, I thought that I would be here for a real long time. I plan to do something light tomorrow and then laundry in the afternoon. The manager at where I'm staying has offered me use of the machines at his house. Very nice of him!

I had bad feelings this morning still, just like the first morning (last Sunday) at the place. So I guess I'll never get over it. And I'll probably have those feelings for a while when I get back home. I will miss this place, even though I ruined it for myself with those stupid anxiety and depression feelings.

[SlumberKitty]

I mentioned to some people that my depression has been worse than normal. Made tentative plans to hang out with some friends, not a date or time yet, but a what we will be doing. Tonight I have coffee with a friend. I would rather be a hermit and stay in, but I know that by going I will feel better. Another friend keeps using me as a resource for all the people she knows that are dealing with depression or mental health issues. I'm like, I'm totally not a psych professional. Just a person. Who is struggling. But whatever. Mostly getting through day by day. Seeing my T on Monday after more than a month so that should be good. It will be good to get some support at least. Kit.

[Yzen]

I'm trying to give myself more encouragement and acceptance. It's not easy when I don't get much from others. But, it is what I need.

no sleep.

in pain

little done

Woke up feeling awful this morning. I thought that I would be over it by now! I will be leaving the place I'm staying at tomorrow. I feel very sick about it. I really loved it here. But yet I ruined it for myself with depression and anxiety; having catastrophic thoughts. It had all gone very well. I don't know what's wrong with me. In the past I had done a lot of solo travel and never felt this bad. Perhaps this could be the very last time I will take a solo trip far from home. I used to love it. I still do, except for having those awful feelings that I put on to myself!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I'm trying to give myself more encouragement and acceptance. It's not easy when I don't get much from others. But, it is what I need.

We will always accept and encourage you here.

[Sunflower123]

Had a productive appointment with my pdoc (lasted about 45 minutes). He is an optimistic person and always cheers me up.

He’s proud of the plan I’ve been following and giving up Tylenol pm and starting to exercise every day to counter high stress levels.

I’ve been told by more than one person now that I’m being pessimistic about my nonfunctional right hand and what I feel is a failed surgery. I’d already ordered PT equipment and viewed PT videos so I hadn’t given up yet. We’ll see. I will strive to remain optimistic.

Best wishes to everyone this Thursday evening.

I drank too much, way too much last night and I'm diabetic so kind of felt like i could die this morning. So so so stupid of me. I don't know what happened, what made me choose to do that, just feeling so horrible about myself I wanted to numb it away.
It didn't. Just a huge hangover and fast heart rate and high blood pressure... and couldn't get hydrated again.

No ups yesterday. Bf came home after I was drinking and called me something I can't forgive him for. Just that morning he said he loved me. I always think he means it. But the filthy mouth to me hurt me so bad, I was already hurting and hating myself yesterday. I can't go back to him, I just cant. God please keep me away from him.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by disparaissant

I drank too much, way too much last night and I'm diabetic so kind of felt like i could die this morning. So so so stupid of me. I don't know what happened, what made me choose to do that, just feeling so horrible about myself I wanted to numb it away.
It didn't. Just a huge hangover and fast heart rate and high blood pressure... and couldn't get hydrated again.

No ups yesterday. Bf came home after I was drinking and called me something I can't forgive him for. Just that morning he said he loved me. I always think he means it. But the filthy mouth to me hurt me so bad, I was already hurting and hating myself yesterday. I can't go back to him, I just cant. God please keep me away from him.

I’m so sorry that happened with your boyfriend. You don’t deserve that. I hope you come to a decision that brings you peace (whether to be around him).

I’m glad you are okay after your night of drinking. I’ve done that exact same thing (only I’m not diabetic) and woke up feeling lousy the next day. Please take care. You are important.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Had a productive appointment with my pdoc (lasted about 45 minutes). He is an optimistic person and always cheers me up.

He’s proud of the plan I’ve been following and giving up Tylenol pm and starting to exercise every day to counter high stress levels.

I’ve been told by more than one person now that I’m being pessimistic about my nonfunctional right hand and what I feel is a failed surgery. I’d already ordered PT equipment and viewed PT videos so I hadn’t given up yet. We’ll see. I will strive to remain optimistic.

Best wishes to everyone this Thursday evening.

Hi Jennifer,

I am so very sorry your surgery has failed.
I do hope you can remain hopeful about healing and function.

WC

[Smileonmyface]

doing better today. a relaxing night and my son falling asleep early helped tremendously. Now I'm waiting for him to take his nap so I can lie down again. Lying down feels so good. then later on i'll get the girls and deal with the rest of the day. But this definitely feels better than yesterday.

[WishfulThinker66]

I am in a great deal of distress - mostly over the top worry about work. I constantly think catastrophically in addition to worry about perceived performance.

Now I am feeling depression swoop in for a double punch. I feel useless. I feel weak because I am letting work bother me so much. I feel silly. I feel like no one likes me. I feel like a failure. I nearly came to tears last night in front of my boyfriend who knows something is horribly wrong. He is incredibly supportive and tries his best to be encouraging and understand. But this is as big a challenge for him as it is for me as I have no answers for him when he asks what he can do. When I had tears well up in my eyes last night he asked me to call my psychologist. The last time he was so concerned I ended up checking myself into the hospital. Gosh, I hope that is not what it has come down to this time around. Oh to be normal and not have to worry about work. It would solve so many problems not the least of which is my unhappiness with myself.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

I am in a great deal of distress - mostly over the top worry about work. I constantly think catastrophically in addition to worry about perceived performance.

Now I am feeling depression swoop in for a double punch. I feel useless. I feel weak because I am letting work bother me so much. I feel silly. I feel like no one likes me. I feel like a failure. I nearly came to tears last night in front of my boyfriend who knows something is horribly wrong. He is incredibly supportive and tries his best to be encouraging and understand. But this is as big a challenge for him as it is for me as I have no answers for him when he asks what he can do. When I had tears well up in my eyes last night he asked me to call my psychologist. The last time he was so concerned I ended up checking myself into the hospital. Gosh, I hope that is not what it has come down to this time around. Oh to be normal and not have to worry about work. It would solve so many problems not the least of which is my unhappiness with myself.

I’m sorry you are struggling and I hope you feel better soon. Sending supportive vibes.

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

I am in a great deal of distress - mostly over the top worry about work. I constantly think catastrophically in addition to worry about perceived performance.

I relate to what you said. Sometimes it helps me to tell myself "I will do my work today and not care about the rest until next week".

I hope things get better for you very soon. We support you.