-I feel lonely
-I feel no interest in anything
-I feel numb
-I feel empty
-I have no friend, no one to talk to
-I feel very very sad
-I m sliding into the hell hole of depression
My depression is biological. My bf was the only reason why I was being hopeful, he was the reason why I was recovering from my depression...maybe very slowly...still I was. Suddenly last week he stopped talking to me and told me not to contact him again. He refuses to give me any reason. Is not replying to my mssgs or picking up my call. He was the only friend I had. Now there's a massive void in my life. I m back at the bottom, I don't know how to climb back to the top...I got lost. I m in denial and shock and grieving the loss...I feel so so depressed that I am not being able to do anything. Just feel like staying in bed the whole day. My grief overlapped with my depression is making me miserable.
There is another twist to this. Some people from another forum with whom my bf used to chat tell me that he is not visiting that forum and may have got psychotic. He may still want me back but is confused. I don't know how to get better myself or to support him. If I was in the US, I would have straight gone to where he lives. I m in India and till now ours has been an internet relationship...I don't know what to do except leaving voice mssgs in his phone.
Is there any way I can recover from this dilemma and misery and feel a little happy again? I need to be picked up.

[Thirty shades]

Sorry to hear you so low Desiree2006.

Grieving is needed, it's tough but stick with it.

BF is not worth it. I went through something similar and it was a massive wake up call when I stopped offering and wasting my offer of love to someone who had no respect for me. Offer your love to you. I bet he had faults, even if you did not see them yet. I can think of his biggest fault, he was a fool to let you go.

Many hugs and love to you Desiree

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

Sorry to hear you so low Desiree2006.

Grieving is needed, it's tough but stick with it.

BF is not worth it. I went through something similar and it was a massive wake up call when I stopped offering and wasting my offer of love to someone who had no respect for me. Offer your love to you. I bet he had faults, even if you did not see them yet. I can think of his biggest fault, he was a fool to let you go.

Many hugs and love to you Desiree

Thanks for replying thirty shades. Sorry, I modified my post a little. Some people think that my bf may have got psychotic or something. So he may not be entirely at fault. But I don't know what to do.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( Desiree ))))))))))


I’m so sorry Desiree, that’s very hurtful of him.

Please take as long as you need to grieve this loss

There are people here who genuinely care about you and who would never do something like that.

You deserve love ..please don’t give up

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

((((((((( Desiree ))))))))))


I’m so sorry Desiree, that’s very hurtful of him.

Please take as long as you need to grieve this loss

There are people here who genuinely care about you and who would never do something like that.

You deserve love ..please don’t give up

Thanks fuzzy.

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

Thanks for replying thirty shades. Sorry, I modified my post a little. Some people think that my bf may have got psychotic or something. So he may not be entirely at fault. But I don't know what to do.

You are placing a lot of understanding onto him. That prevents grieving. You are a great person to care so much for him.

If I were in your shoes, I would say to myself, that unless he is able to give you what you need, you have a right to put yourself first.

If he wants to come back when healthy enough, you need to get healthy, to enable a relationship to flourish. Trust he will look after himself and you look after you.

Living, in love with someone who is not available, is way to painful. It is possible to wallow like that for years. Move forward and grieve would be my advice. You have a beautiful soul, love you and nurture you Desiree.

[Fuzzybear]

((((( Desiree ))))))

I too have the gut feeling that he probably isn’t a good person for you, I don’t understand his behaviour, even if there is partly a MI explanation

I think you deserve someone who is “healthier” psychologically and I agree that you have a beautiful soul

I'm sorry about your breakup. It's very hard to lose the only friend you have, especially if it's a love of your life. I don't know what to tell you. I have broken up with others myself. Sometimes I took them back when they still wanted me. and at times I ended sorry that I took them back. But then there were quite a few that the breakup was mutual.

Depression can cause someone to want to breakup with others. One symptom of depression is that you can find others to be irritating. There had been times when others irritate me easily. I have been feeling that way lately.

I wish for the best for you. You seem like a precious person.

[Calla lily12]

I'm so sorry this happened, Desiree. What ever reason your BF isn't responding to you, you need to look out for YOU. PLease don't take responsibility for his actions. I know....that's what people (ME) with depression do best. Try to do something nice for yourself ok?

I'm so sorry Desiree You're wonderful and are better than him

[ShadowGX]

I'm so sorry for your pain, I know how horribly I'd feel if my best friend left me too.

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

If he wants to come back when healthy enough, you need to get healthy, to enable a relationship to flourish. Trust he will look after himself and you look after you.

Thanks Thirty shades.
I will grieve for now till the pain feels less. But how do I pick myself up from the depression and be healthy again? I am giving in to the depression...I can't push myself to do things any more.

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

Thanks Thirty shades.
I will grieve for now till the pain feels less. But how do I pick myself up from the depression and be healthy again? I am giving in to the depression...I can't push myself to do things any more.

Does anybody have any suggestion for me? I need help to pick myself up.

[mote.of.soul]

I'm sorry too ((((Desiree)))), it's saddening, and I've been there as well. For me, I took the advise of people who told me to, first and foremost, focus on my own life, on my own recovery, and try hard to let go of the painful thoughts of wishing the person might return. Let time heal your broken heart Desiree. I did eventually get through my breakups [more than one], but I drank a lot as well, which is something I do not recommend.

I think at the end of the day, whatever your ex partner is going through, leave him be now. Yes, focus on you. He knows what you're thinking.

Sending you my best wishes.

[ptangptang]

Sorry for what you're going through desiree. You seem like a lovely person. You've learnt the hard way that it's very dangerous to invest so much of yourself in other people. It will pass. When it does concentrate on being the best you that You can be. If people want to tag along fine... if it's a solitary path so be it. That's my attitude now. Nothing is permanent. Concentrate on YOU.

Thanks everybody! OK I will take care of ME first.

I have made a daily plan which I will follow for a couple of months before I can move to something more difficult like going out and doing housework. Right now my mom's helping with housework. I feel bad about it but I tell myself not to think about it now. I will concentrate more on exercising bc that is the only thing I feel that can pick me up.

Daily Plan:
A>
1)wake up + freshen up + tea and breakfast
2)internet/make plans for today
3)breathing exercises
4)read news online

B>
1)give food to cats
2)lunch

C>
1)do the dishes
2)shower

D>
1)watch soap opera with mom for half an hr
2)stretching/strengthening exercises - 15mins
3)walk indoors - 25mins+25mins

E>
1)dinner
2)brush teeth@twice
3)try to go to bed by 1:30/2am(I don't feel sleepy before 2am)

Overall:
1)sleep adequately(I am oversleeping. I sleep about 9.5-10hours every night)
2)eat healthy
3)take meds
4)drink water
5)no tea after 7pm(I hardly ever drink coffee)

Hope this will help me to feel a little better. I need all of your your support in this.

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

Thanks Thirty shades.
I will grieve for now till the pain feels less. But how do I pick myself up from the depression and be healthy again? I am giving in to the depression...I can't push myself to do things any more.

I found it strange how on the one hand we need to bring up our loss and grieve it and on the other we need to ignore it through meditation.

My T said have a toolbox.

Someday's we are at rock bottom, offer yourself love, soothe your inner child and grieve when ready.

Feeling depressed but able to think things through, identify your feelings, grieve them and definitely continue to love and adore yourself. Take loving care of your inner child. Know you are worthwhile. Some may find meditation can help but not all.

As you recover to feeling low, maybe a bit up and down, add meditation and keep identifying your feelings, grieve them and definitely continue to love and adore yourself. Take loving care of your inner child. Know you are worthwhile always.

Good days do come and you can thrive. Meditation can be a part of this healthy life. The caution comes in triggers for your depression. Learn what they are and try to avoid them. Some cannot be avoided and having a plan for these moments is all we can do. My plan is to go back to the above.

Best wishes to you
Big Hug
And loads of love

[Calla lily12]

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

Does anybody have any suggestion for me? I need help to pick myself up.

You may not feel like it...but a walk in the woods... Maybe by a pond. Just breath and let yourself be.

[Candy1955]

Desiree, I'm so sorry, You are so kind and compassionate to everyone. It hurts me to hear you hurt.