Depressed?

just a theory... as a teen, literally you're scrambled every direction.. some days just frenzious with activity, then whoa... blank pages in the scheduler....

had a major body rush of energy, then ..... free time...

a crunch of doing, doing, doing.... and then .. space..

hard to get a body rythem that way.. still adjusting to all the real life stuff going on?

just listen to the messages the body sends.. humger, sleep, energy, rest... signs are headaches... sometimes an aspirin cures the symptom, but not the cause... try to find the cause, make adjustments..

Yeah -- It is quite difficult to keep up with things and get into a particular pattern of doing things because there's so much going on.

i see your dilemma alright.. a place i worked at once had us log our time, task by task.. including break time, chat time, etc.. we were promised no reprisals..

it was interesting to see where my time went and it was funny cause i used a lot of time recording the time

i think its whole purpose was to make me time conscious... i guess it worked!

Huh...That's interesting. I don't think I'd be able to stand doing that!

Anyway...I just got home a couple minutes ago for the first time today! As I'm typing, I'm eating my dinner (real dinner tonight! -- Chili). After this, I have to think about what homework I have to do, then I have dishes to do...And I'm planning on heading to bed early tonight!

Tomorrow, if the superintendent of my school district decides to be smart, school will be canceled. But, she almost never is...So, although there's supposed to be between 6 and 10 inches of snow tomorrow, there's a 97% chance I'll have school.

...I hate school...And I have an English test tomorrow that I know will be hard, but also don't have the energy to study for.

*Sigh*

So, I did get up some energy to study for English. I think I probably got in the B range which is fine by me.

I have 3 tests/quizzes tomorrow...Math (trig identities), US History (DBQ questions and essay on Reconstruction and Post Reconstruction), and physics (inclined plane problems, friction problems...)

I'm tired. Really tired. I didn't go to bed early last night.

I had a fight with my mom this morning...And I started crying, and I was so worried about how I'd look for school, so I forced myself to stop even though there were certainly more tears inside me.

I played in the snow with my siblings tonight after school. It was OK. Cold, and my sister got mad at me, but it was kinda fun.

My grandparents got here today...I haven't yet decided whether that's good or bad (I always have had mixed feelings about that, ever since I was like 10)...My grandma pisses me off so much of the time because she's so nosy and bossy, so I always end up getting into more fights with everyone while they're here.

hi Sing! thats why you have this spot ... chatting and sharing here really can get someone thru some tight spots...

you have some advance knowledge of the days to come.. know they'll be challenging, so brace yourself a little bit but not so much that you forget to laugh... take it lightly whenever possible...

sometimes others are more uptight than we are and we dont sense that, so centered on ourselves at times...

eat some nice cakes.. get into the decorations... talk with your friends and family.. schoolwork should lighten up a little?

enjoy xmas shopping w/friends... look on the bright side of it all..

process whats happening.. dont overstress... get your homework done...

there... i sound like 10 adults in one dont i? ((((smiles))))

Haha...Yeah, you do sound like about a million adults in one.

I honestly don't care about Christmas this year. I'm not really excited for it, and before, it used to be my absolute favorite holiday because of the whole family getting together stuff and whatever...But this year, not so much.

We're putting up the tree tonight. I won't be a part of it.

We're decorating the tree tomorrow night. We'll see if I decide to join in or not.

Meh.

Schoolwork should lighten up next week. I know that in English we're not doing much...Just reading A Raisin in the Sun. I don't know about the rest of my classes, but we shouldn't do much. It's only a 4 day week.

Speaking of homework, I haven't done any yet.

So, I basically have an automatic mode that I go into for things...

Earlier, I did the dishes. A little while after that, my mom thanked me for doing them. This didn't register at first, so immediately after I heard the word dishes come out of her mouth, I started to snap at her saying that I had done them...But then I realized what she had really said, and I said you're welcome.

I hate that. It made me feel like I have almost no control over myself...Like I'm on autopilot or something.

i think its cool you noticed yourself repeating an "auto response" ... so now just move on through it.. active listening is a nice skill to develop.. i'm still working on it though..

Yeah...I guess.

We decorated the Christmas tree tonight. I wasn't going to participate at all (I wasn't in the mood), but my mom came downstairs and was all like "Aren't you going to come help?!" So, I came up, put 2 ornaments on the tree, and went back downstairs.

I also hope it snows a lot this weekend like it's supposed to! I have too many things I'm supposed to do, and snow would stop them from happening.

What I really want is a ton of snow on Sunday night, and a snow day on Monday. That would be most desirable.

...I need to sleep! Tonight's the night to do it!

I slept for 7.5 hours. Not great. Oh well.

Today, I've had in my mind all day that I need to do my homework, but I haven't yet gotten around to it. Tonight maybe, or tomorrow...But I need to get it done.

Where did all my motivation to do things go?

It's 2:30 in the afternoon, and I have yet to get dressed...

That will come soon though because -

I have to leave in about 10 minutes to go to my choir rehearsal, and I really don't want to go, but I have to.

It needs to be Friday! BREAK! NO SCHOOL! RELAX! I can't wait!

Rehearsal was insanely boring. The entire time, I was wishing I was at home, in my bed.

I got home around 5:30, went to my grandparents house (next door) around 6 for dinner. After that, I decided to come back home and take some Advil, and a shower (I was insanely tired, and had a pounding headache).

I'm feeling much better now. I'm a bit more awake (although I would still love to go to bed, but I know that if I take a nap now, I'll wake up around 11 and then not go back to sleep until about 2, and that's not good), and my headache is mostly gone.

...Still need motivation to do my homework though.

i used to have that kind of energy... hey, where'd it go!

sounds like some unwinding time Sing... good for you...

I had to do something because I was feeling so truly terrible...And I'm quite used to forcing myself to stay awake/stay up. I do it at least every other day.

some people manage a great number of tasks without seeming to ever get drained... just pay attention to it.. that rest time is essential to rebuilding the much needed energy...

I'm using all of this morning to rest (and hoping my choir concert gets canceled) so I can use this afternoon too.

BREAK! I need break!

Choir concert is still on. Darn it! I was really looking forward to it being canceled.

*Sigh*

Four more days...That's all. Just 4 more days, and then I have a 12 day Christmas vacation.

Can I do it? Can I make it and not crack before then?

i have faith in you Sing... those final days before a break of some sort are always the longest... when i went to high school, the load would lighten around the holidays, not sure about nowdays or your location..

is there any hope of setting some parameters with all these demands on you? i know being a teen is sometimes an ivisiible place and standing up for yourself is sometimes viewed as "attitude"... but really, reading your posts, i can see how much pressure you're under..

we shouldnt have to live at a point of chaos like that imo..

Mmm...Workload for this week? English will be light (vocab like always, and reading A Raisin in the Sun), math will probably be normal, US History will be normal, and physics will be normal (we're actually just starting something new this week). So, it's not gonna be great.

I will say...There are plenty of adults who think I have an attitude problem, but on the other hand, there are plenty of adults who view me as quite mature for my age. So, I guess it really depends on the person.

But yeah...Outside of school this week, I have Fame Rehearsal Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday 5:30-8:30, and I have to have a bunch of songs memorized and crap for them. Not too excited about that one.

Anyway, I have to go get ready for my choir concert.

Oh my goodness I really need it to be break now! I had a complete breakdown last night, am not in a good mood this morning...And including today, there are still 3 days of school left until break. Gah!

can you go into chat? i'm listening if you want to vent..

I couldn't go into chat earlier...I had to go do my English homework, plus, we're not allowed to chat here in the library at school. I don't really want to talk about it anyway.

So busy!

Today consisted of:

- School
- Going to Kohl's after school because my mom wanted to
- Running home to grab my stuff for rehearsal and some dinner (an apple)
- Rehearsal from 5:30-8:30

For dinner, I actually ended up eating my apple and half a bag of chips that I went out and bought during the rehearsal break. Yeah. Great, I know. And on top of that, other than those two things, all I've had today:

- A Snickers bar
- Half a piece of pizza
- A Snapple
- A blueberry muffin
- A bottle of Life Water

So basically...Almost nothing. If after I finish doing all my stuff online I remember, I'll grab some real dinner, but I kind of don't think I will. I'll finish my bag of chips in that case.

To do tonight:

- Eat dinner
- Do dishes
- Do homework
- Take a bath
- Sleep (? - hopefully!)

I think that's all. I hope to God it is! I'm not even sure I'll get all that done before I completely crash.

Tomorrow - Oh boy tomorrow...I better actually get to go home before rehearsal! I was really pissed today that I didn't have a chance to actually do anything before rehearsal except run in and run out of my house. Plus, today was just a long day in general.

Two more days! Two more days!