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#1
Dec 09, 2007, 09:43 PM
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Why would I ever want to live through another year. Oh, let's see <ul type="square">[*]_ I can find out I'm a "tweener" too old to be an adult and too young to be antique especially in the field of medical research[*]_learn that health insurance is good to have unless the possibility of a new or experimental procedure is my only recourse then they don’t want you at any cost[*]_so I can watch my home literally fall apart around me and be completely helpless to stop it from happening. Roof leaking, plaster falling off the wall, floors buckling. No money to pay for repairs and no knowledge to do it yourself[*]_come to realize I owe more on my home than it is now worth thanks to hurricane repairs and current economics so I'm trapped right where I am.[/list]With my personal life in the toilet, all hopes and dreams scattered to the four winds and you still can't understand why I have no desire to live through another year of this life.
If I could I would not even live long enough to see the New Year. One of the members of my family has a birthday on Dec. 31. I would never want to ruin his memories of that special day. So when the ball drops in Times Square to usher 2008 I will be watching the celebration on my TV. After that well we can't discuss things like that here. The professionals on this site would be "morally and ethically bound" and we certainly would not want that. Oh well just another fun day in the swamp 
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 kebs
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#2
Dec 09, 2007, 10:27 PM
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((((((((((((Froggie))))))))))) thanks for sharing that, i had no idea of the conditions.. it is very sad when basics in life are falling apart, like home..
are there samaritan groups where you are to help? its sad to hear of your despair and i wish i could come thru this pc screen and bring my hammer and nails for you... i understand and fear myself my latter years.. who will care, who will help? hoping i can survive until i just have to seek nursing... not sooner.. my mom would be in the same boat, but fortune smiled at her in an odd way... she has me to help... i wish you had someone, i wish you to find good reasons for breathing.. i'm glad you're here froggie, in all your moods, good and bad.. sometimes we all need a shoulder... rabbit brings froggie platter of sun dried fire-bugs, side of mosquito flambe', and roach pudding... |
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#3
Dec 09, 2007, 10:30 PM
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I really can see why you might be thinking this way. However, since you don't want to ruin you family member's b-day on Dec.31, then you must have family that you care about and that care for you. So how many other days do you think you might ruin if you do something to yourself?? Do you really think that the people who love you are just going to go on unscathed? They don't. I know.
My house is also falling down. I have no money to fix it either. My health ins. is expensive as hell and doesn't pay for all of the treatment I need right now. Not to mention the price of drugs. Holy cow! I feel like I'm living in a dark pit of depression that I'll never get out of. But I know that i can't give up because I'm sure that eventually things will turn. They have to and if I have to lose every damn thing I have then maybe that's what it's going to take. From what i read in these forums you're a lovely person with a quick wit and a great sense of humor. I think there would be a big empty place here without you. PLease keep trying. Don't give up. We're all here for you. 
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"Excuse me, but I'm looking for the sun." |
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#4
Dec 09, 2007, 10:31 PM
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ahhhhh roach pudding, now that's a delicacy.
 There is nothing anyone can do, that's what makes life so much fun. 
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kebs
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#5
Dec 09, 2007, 10:37 PM
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(((((((((((((((( froggy ))))))))))))))))
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#6
Dec 10, 2007, 02:47 AM
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Not my froggy! And especially not my kebs froggy!
Kebs, I know what it's like to have your life falling apart like that. And wow I'd do anything to make that feeling go away for you. But as for why you should live another year? Here's a list of my absolutely selfish reason why Kebs must not only live through next year, but in fact be this planet's first immortal frog. - You're the only person I know that I actively picture as a frog. - I smile every time I see that you've posted. - You're clearly very intelligent, clever and creative but you never gloat about it. Instead you use those strengths to make me (and sure, some other people too) feel better. - You still have to adopt me. - It isn't easy being green. - You keep the insect population down. - You're closer to my childhood ambition of being a cartoon than I am. - Al Gore said, "it's important to always save the frog" in an inconvenient truth. - You'll miss something really cool (I'm not sure what but it's gonna happen and you'll miss it). - One word, chocolate. - As a cartoon frog it's important to be a good role model for the kids. - And most importantly, because I'd miss you terribly. Cyran0
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My blog: http://cyran0.psychcentral.net/ Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (childhood physical/sexual abuse), history of drug abuse. Meds: Zoloft, Lorazapam, Coffee, Cigarettes "I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone." -Cyrano de Bergerac |
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#7
Dec 10, 2007, 03:19 AM
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  ((((((((((((((((((kebs)))))))))))))))))))))) maybe you and trm can work togeather on why you both have a lot to stay here for i know i too would miss the brightness that comes from knowing you i too would know how hard it is top keep that promise not to upset family members times and memories down to the house xmas is comming maybe you could ask those lovely sons of yours instead of xmas gifts they each arange a job to be either fixed by themselves or get someone to fix things for you i would lend you trm to help out with odd jobs if we were close enough that way he would have something else to keep his promise for we love you keb
__________________
 No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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#8
Dec 10, 2007, 04:10 AM
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((((((((((((keb))))))))))))))
I totally agree with Cyran......what would we do without you? love, Jinny xxxxx |
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#9
Dec 10, 2007, 07:09 AM
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(((((((keb)))))))))))))
HUMmmmmm reason 1 I can not lose anyone else 2) who would i blame on games 3) you are the only frog 4) a sheep can not be with out a frog, thats like....duh 5) if you think dec sucks for me, wait for Jan and first 4 days of feb......... 6) so the sheep needs you |
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#10
Dec 10, 2007, 07:19 AM
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__________________
Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#11
Dec 10, 2007, 08:13 AM
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here keb i was wondering if you couyld put up notice in shop window for help with repairs and explain no money but you could barter other services that you or your hubby could do in return
__________________
No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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#12
Dec 10, 2007, 11:04 AM
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"Why would I ever want to live through another year"
Because you are a wonderful froggy that helps others just by being you and being here. There is no other kebsfroggy in the world but you and we are all wonderfully blessed by your spirit in our lives. 
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#13
Dec 10, 2007, 01:41 PM
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#14
Dec 10, 2007, 04:06 PM
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Wasn't it Forrest Gumps mom who said "stupid is as stupid does". Well I got straight A's in stupid class. It is all my fault. My decisions are what put me into this pit.
No one seems to understand that I'm no longer the "lean on me" "can handle everything" person I might once have been. I need pills to get up, pills to try to sleep, I even need pills to remember to take the pills. This is worth living for? Even squid lips refuses to acknowledge I'm ill. He sat through an entire session with the T shaking his head in agreement. There were even a few "yes, I understands" thrown in for good measure. We walked out of the session and .... It doesn't change, it just doesn't change. My pdoc won't even call him any longer because he knows it is futile. I'm so tired of trudging through this reality. I hate my life and I hate living. Why is it so hard for people to understand that the endless peace of death is desirable.
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kebs
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 lostinwilderness
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#15
Dec 10, 2007, 04:11 PM
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 I love you froggy.....please dont talk like this...I hear you...I've been there, but it makes me sad you feel this way....you are so lovely and are such a support and such a good friendly frog...... we'll catch you, we'll reach for you, and care for you.... Jin xxxxxx 
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#16
Dec 10, 2007, 04:48 PM
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I just want you to know I wrote a long post but because of my trust issues didn't send it. I'm not sure I believe those who say "nothing can be done". Maybe They can't do anything or refuse to hold hope or care for another but not everyone is like that. I've been where you are. (some of it anyway) I guess I'm selfish wanting you to stay around, in which case many (probably most) here also are selfish
You've changed a furry bear's life for the better. 
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#17
Dec 10, 2007, 05:09 PM
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((((kebsfroggy)))) i know how you feel. especially with your house's condition. i so understand. it's like this in my dreams, falling apart like bugger. gosh, i know how hard it is to stay alive like this. yes, as the other here have said, we seriously love having you here. you are a special person to us. really, i'm not saying this just to make you feel better because it's the absolute truth.
kebs, i was studying at college to become a scientist when i was first hit with depression. my personality changed, and i wasn't into being a scientist anymore. but, still, i know what you're saying. depression sure doesn't discriminate. |
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#18
Dec 10, 2007, 05:25 PM
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I wish I could do something to help. You may not see it my friend, but you have a real talent with words and humour, you have helped me many a time when all I could manage was One Word. So many people love you here, I know we don't see each other in real life but we make real connections and emotional bonds here on PC. I'm worried for you. Please take care. ((((((( kebsfroggy ))))))
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 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#19
Dec 10, 2007, 05:46 PM
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Kebs, don't you see? We're not asking you to be the frog we lean on. We're asking you to be the frog we carry on our shoulders.
Cyran0
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My blog: http://cyran0.psychcentral.net/ Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (childhood physical/sexual abuse), history of drug abuse. Meds: Zoloft, Lorazapam, Coffee, Cigarettes "I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone." -Cyrano de Bergerac |
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#20
Dec 10, 2007, 06:46 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
kebsfroggy said: Wasn't it Forrest Gumps mom who said "stupid is as stupid does". Well I got straight A's in stupid class. It is all my fault. My decisions are what put me into this pit. No one seems to understand that I'm no longer the "lean on me" "can handle everything" person I might once have been. I need pills to get up, pills to try to sleep, I even need pills to remember to take the pills. This is worth living for? Even squid lips refuses to acknowledge I'm ill. He sat through an entire session with the T shaking his head in agreement. There were even a few "yes, I understands" thrown in for good measure. We walked out of the session and .... It doesn't change, it just doesn't change. My pdoc won't even call him any longer because he knows it is futile. I'm so tired of trudging through this reality. I hate my life and I hate living. Why is it so hard for people to understand that the endless peace of death is desirable. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> i understand what you are saying about your decisions making the mess you are in i know that only so well it was my decision to go and purchasse our home to try to better our selves, it was my fault that we couldnt aford it and lost our home sorry as you say squid lips doesnt get it i found a lot of ppl dont get mental health issues unless they have experinced them we are all selfish we all want you around for us to talk to and see your humour i hope you find a way to hold on to your life for another year we know how hard that is but please try for all that love you here ps we dont think you are stupid
__________________
No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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#21
Dec 10, 2007, 07:34 PM
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kebsfroggy-i don't know you like the others do, i sign in and read mostly rarely do i post i can't find the words or courage to say much. But I do understand how you feel death bringing quite peace. i too take a %#@&#! load of pills this for that and this to counter that and so on, i've had ECT which was good, but it is not a cure all it is a treatment that wore off in about 9 months. i'm tired of the constant merry-go-round that won't stop and let me off it goes faster and faster. 4 of my suicide attempts were very close i was told "you should not be alive" but ta-da-here i still am. i found a really good book that i use when i'm getting close-you see i made a pact with my self-the next time will be successful so i need to be really sure of the impact my going away will have- back to the book "how I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying To Kill Me" by Susan Rose Blauner-it is her personal experience. it cost $12.95 which i know can be a lot on a limited income, i'm glad at this point that i pinched the $$ out. It is very helpful, easy to read and understand and you can pick thru the book for what you need at a specific time. i'm sorry this is so long, but there are others out here that feel the same as you do. i'm the biggest waste of space and time, i give nothing back to society, i exit not live. i hope maybe you would at least look at this book for a little comfort and total understanding. Forrest Gumps Mom also said-"when you get a box of chocolates you never know what you'll get". i too am simply tired, so tired of trying to hang on i would like just to give-up.
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#22
Dec 10, 2007, 08:12 PM
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Asking to ME what is the reason to keep on living and if is worth is quite dangerous, you know it.
I can only say you are a precious froggy to me. You may have ton's of serious problems but don't put your self down and don't blame yourself. |
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#23
Dec 11, 2007, 10:58 AM
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__________________
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#24
Dec 11, 2007, 12:20 PM
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okie dokie oh great green warty one, 1. ya got to stick this next out so I don't have to come with ya. 2. without your purple curlers and shapely robe, how can we have a clothing role model 3. because your tadpoles need good old ma to aggrevate (sp) 4. cuz I say so
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 A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
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#25
Dec 11, 2007, 07:06 PM
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Dear kebsfroggy
I don't know you much at all except for the fact that you replied to a post of mine and when I was on pins and needles, expecting to be rebuked for my leap of faith .... your reply for some odd reason made me smile. They'll let you lean on them until you can stand on your own and let you lean a little bit more, Until you stand strong, solid rock, enough to support, on your own. Stay by them , stand by them, lift them up on your shoulders. And once in a while, every now and then, let them lean on you as well. Generally describes the parent-child cycle but I think it can work wonders with regards to the support provided amongst PC community as well. While I can't help you out in person, I know that I'll be glad each time, to see a smile on your face. I'm barely in my twenties and I can already see the lure of death. If not for the hurt it caused my parents I would still probably be trying to reach for it and this is when my problems are barely a molecule's worth compared to your tonnes. I hope you find your rock and I hope to see you here for a long time.
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When life seems chaotic, you don't need people giving you easy answers or cheap promises. There might not be any answers to your problems. What you need is a safe place where you can bounce with people who have taken some bad hops of their own. |
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