[Seafarer]

I went to the grocery store to buy peanut butter and something for lunch but the place was a madhouse. No managers on duty so the employees were ignoring the customers. I would have walked out but I was out of peanut butter. I left feeling mentally battered and trying to be thankful I hadn't been physically battered as well.

Then I got home to find some very friendly and encouraging posts from online friends on a forum that made me feel worth something to someone after all. And later I had the laundry room all to myself and did 3 loads of laundry without seeing another soul. Bliss.

I'm tracking 4 online orders -- the one I ordered from eBay hasn't even been shipped yet and I'm starting to get antsy. It's the one I want most of all.

Originally Posted by will19

Been very busy this morning with the laundry and making spaghetti sauce. The laundry was a bit of a headache as other people were using the machines; causing some delays. But it was OK because I had so much time and not much to lose.

Lately I feel like my neighbors at where I live are not liking me. I've been getting the cold shoulder. I don't know what I could have done for them to not like me.

So far it's been a dull weekend. My sister hasn't called me in a while. Since I'll be away next week, I wonder if she will know that I'll be on vacation. I told her about three weeks ago, but I get the feeling that she may have forgotten about it.

Will, why don't you call your sister and find out what's going on with her?
Hope your neighbors get back to normal soon. Hugs.

[Seafarer]

I've just been on another board where one member got concerned about privacy issues. The result was that some other members changed their userids and IDs with no notice. I came to the forum and suddenly saw what looked to me like a bunch of new members, only they weren't, and everyone else seemed to "get" who they were in their new identities. I was the only one who didn't, and it made me feel stupid. It was like a prank where everyone else is wearing disguises but they all can recognize each other and I'm the only one out of the loop. I tried to explain how it made me feel and the others defended the pranksters and didn't get where I was coming from at all.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in a group activity who's standing on the outside looking in and they all want me to join the fun and then they do something like this and I'm the only one who doesn't get what's going on. I hate that feeling.
I've already retreated as far as I know how from some real-life groups I tried. That other board seemed like such a friendly and kind community, but suddenly something like this happens and they explain their reasons but when I try to explain mine they get all defensive.
Horses have it so much easier. Everyone -- even humans -- gets what ears laid back and teeth bared mean!

Comparing apples with oranges. Very frustrating but am so totally fine with it. I mean, I get it now bc before I didn't get it. But now, I get it. Better than I was yesterday but still feeling down on my luck.

[kumy]

I'm not ok. These last few days I have been falling deeper and I can't see any way out of this place where I am. I'm really scared of my thoughts...

Possible trigger:

I'm trying really hard not to hurt myself because I'm afraid I will not be able to stop.

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

Will, why don't you call your sister and find out what's going on with her?
Hope your neighbors get back to normal soon. Hugs.

I called my sister this morning. It turned out that my cousin and her husband arrived at her place to visit. So they were tied up. I spoke to my cousin briefly. It went alright.

I don't bother calling my sister usually because I have a fear of rejection. Almost all of the time that I call her, she tells me that she's very busy or too tired to talk. So I just don't bother. She's the only one left in my whole family that I talk to and that seems to be going away. We don't visit each other.

Very slow at work today. I got feeling sorry for myself today. I know that I should not feel that way. I'm having some anxiety and remorse about my trip coming up. I feel like a loser because I'm going by myself. On the other hand, it's better for me to go alone anyways so that no one else can ruin my trip for me. I've had that happen before.

I called my sister this morning. It turned out that my cousin and her husband are staying at my sister's house for this week. I spoke to my cousin briefly; and it's the first time I have spoken to her in over 50 years. I told my sister that I was going on that trip. She had forgotten about it. She said that someday I'll be going to visit her. I don't know why she keeps saying that since she knows I have no interest in going there.

[Seafarer]

It's not fun on this board anymore. I keep trying to post pics on another thread. Everybody else there is posting pics but it won't let me. It won't let me copy and paste pics the way all the other boards I use do, and I tried to follow the direcitons for posting an attachment and it posted a little thumbnail attachment but then it said I had to post a message too. But no one else is posting messages, just pics. But it won't let me. Why do they make it so hard? I just want to post pics like everyone else. It let me do one, becuase that one had a URL but most pics online do not have their own URLs. Why do they make it so complicated? Other boards make it easy.
It isn't fun if I can't particpate fully like everyone else here. It makes me feel like I don't really belong here.

hey Seafarer, I know what you mean. I used to be able to copy and paste pictures and it seems I can find nothing that will upload here. Maybe someone else can explain it better. But everything I've tried isn't working.

You are very welcome here, you do belong. I only know you a bit but stay if you will... it's nice meeting good people.


My day was long but not bad really. I worry. I don't know how not to sometimes. So I come here and vent a little.

I have juggled the idea of finding a new place to live in my head for a while now.... nothing is simple.

[Fuzzybear]

not feeling grrreat

Really falling apart right now.

[Seafarer]

Major down tonight again because I STILL can't post pics in the Coffee Drinkers thread. The FAQ page directions are incorrect. I try to follow them but they are misleading. Then I get an Error message when I try to upload a pic file. Then someone posted directions that are differen tfrom the FAQ directions and they are wrong too. It shouldn't be so complicated. All it does is make people feel frustrated and stupid and I 'm not stupid but I'm seriously frustrated. It's no fun being here if I can't be like the other members and post stuff.

[Seafarer]

Originally Posted by 2daffodils

hey Seafarer, I know what you mean. I used to be able to copy and paste pictures and it seems I can find nothing that will upload here. Maybe someone else can explain it better. But everything I've tried isn't working.

You are very welcome here, you do belong. I only know you a bit but stay if you will... it's nice meeting good people.


My day was long but not bad really. I worry. I don't know how not to sometimes. So I come here and vent a little.

I have juggled the idea of finding a new place to live in my head for a while now.... nothing is simple.

Thank you very much for posting about your posting problems too. I am sorry it won't let you post pics either, but it is nice to know I'm not alone in being unable to post pics. Thank you.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

not feeling grrreat

(((((Fuzzy)))))
Much love to you

Originally Posted by Seafarer

Thank you very much for posting about your posting problems too. I am sorry it won't let you post pics either, but it is nice to know I'm not alone in being unable to post pics. Thank you.

Well I have the same problem.

[kumy]

Today I woke up and I started crying, but it made me good. Now, I feel a little less down...

[Buffy01]

I feel really horrible and down! I been in tears today!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by kumy

Today I woke up and I started crying, but it made me good. Now, I feel a little less down...

I wish that I could say that! Either I am crying because someone has hurt my feelings or I am crying because I am so sad!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by the walls

I'm very tired.

I understand! I feel the same way!

Today was a bit better with my mood. I didn't sleep enough but I wasn't nearly as anxious.

I was feeling pretty bad today. I should be very happy, but I don't know why I feel the way I do. Even today I'm thinking that I may have made a mistake at the destination to where I'm going. I felt like I could have done better at picking out a good place.

I guess things are just adding up as it's been slow at work, my only friend is away in another country, and the relationship I have with my sister (the only family member I have to talk to) is dwindling away.

[kumy]

It's 2:37. I should be sleeping but I can't stop crying. I don't know what the problem is, but I feel like giving up. I'm tired of this eternal fight with my head and my thoughts.

[Deilla]

Having anxiety for no reason. I'm pretty sure it's because my risperdal was lowered. Looked it up and the symptoms hit at about a week. It was a week yesterday. All I can do is try to relax. Maybe meditate. I tried to talk to my med provider about it, but she was unresponsive. When I finally did get in touch with her, she wanted me to come to her office at a busy (traffic-wise) time of the day. I just couldn't do it. Maybe I'll call the pharmacist and ask how long the withdrawal symptoms last.

I didn't take my usual med, half of it, and was also woken up by awful noise several times. No sleep. I woke up with pain in the lung and heart area. It's going away. I wonder if my vaping is causing it. There's news stories about banning it... but I like it. I also oddly like staying awake tonight anyways, just listening to music and doing puzzles. My roomate is hurtful. So am I. But saying I love you but I don't want to anymore, who says something like that? Who? THat seems like nonsense. I'm hurt. But that's life.

[Fuzzybear]

anxiety
grrrrrrrrrrrrr
I'm such a 'freak' .. I keep being reminded of that